I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I always think a lot, my brain is rarely quiet, but lately I’ve been doing really deep thinking. This D/s business is quite the eye-opener, isn’t it?
For months, much of my thinking involved how to get MR on board (not a problem there), then how to get to that feeling I wanted to feel. I was so excited and ready to jump into this full force that any delay had me crashing pretty hard. I would question MR’s every move…every silence, every inaction, every word…and then when He would give me what I wanted, I’d question that too! This went on for months.
I had a small breakthrough in the past few weeks. It is hard to break the cycle of self-doubt in my head, so even the smallest breakthrough is big news around here! I had been focusing so intently on what I wanted out of this, that I totally ignored the daily submission part. That part of me that, when all is said and done, wants MR to be pleased with me. My submissive soul gets fed by His praise, His love, His acceptance and I had been going about it all wrong! Hello!
Now, instead of worrying about what I want Him to do (which can lead to disappointment), I asked for clearer expectations and focus on what I can do to make Him happy. Because then I can be truly content and all is right in our corner of the world.