our secret

During these past months, my whole entire world has changed.  The way I think, the way I feel, the way I relate to MR, the way our household operates.  It has changed in so many wonderful ways and I sometimes feel I have a hard time relating with the rest of the world now.  I want to shout from the rooftops the benefits of D/s and BDSM, but of course I cannot.  I have not told my close friends, I haven’t told anyone in my real life.  Only Sir knows, it is our BIG secret, and while that is very fun, it can also be a little lonely. 

I don’t feel the need to talk about my sex life all the time.  Wouldn’t it be nice, though, to maybe talk about the honesty and the love and the harmony all this has brought? I want to share with the world, with my friends who maybe don’t have a strong marriage.  One of my closest friends is going through a very hard time with her husband and I feel kind of guilty that MR and I have a great marriage.  MR and I have always been close and happy, but this, THIS has taken things to a whole new level.  

So aside from feeling a bit guilty for our awesomeness (giggle), I just don’t feel like I can relate to anyone!  I mean, this life-changing thing is happening in my life and everyone just wants to talk about arguments and grocery store finds and blah blah blah.  I’m over here like “HELLO!!!  Can you not see that I am a whole new person?!”.  I guess no one but Sir can see that, but I certainly feel that our D/s journey is changing every bit of me, making me into what I should’ve been all these years, making me a much better version of me. 

For now, I will write this very disjointed blog (welcome to my brain) and relish in the fact the MR and I have this life that is in the early stages, but already so good.  D/s didn’t save my marriage – it didn’t need saving – but it certainly has lifted it up higher than I ever knew existed.

 

shygirl

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12 thoughts on “our secret

  1. I agree…It’s hard sometimes not being able to talk about our style of living with anyone we know in our everyday life. Sir and I are both very private people and what goes on in our home is our business only… and it should be that way to protect us both. So I come out here and express my opinion and chat with people that understand D/s and if I have questions I will get honest answers and it helps me. It’s not an easy path that we decided to journey when it comes to the vanilla side of things. Our marriage was fine also… but my submissive side wanted to be set free and Sir stepped up. D/s has changed my life in ways.that I could never have imagined and the circle will grow stronger as time goes on to only to get better……..
    Lts.♥

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  2. My marriage is quite new yet (we got married in October 2012!) so we have not had issues in the slightest. Except for something does not feel like it is as good as it could be. I am the one attempting to bring D/s into our relationship. It has been quite a long road already, but being the submissive partner I have to go at the pace that he sets or else it goes completely against the entire point. I send him various links that could possibly help him and such, but I don’t push or prod. I am still hoping that one day soon he will embrace my submissive side and see it as the beautiful thing that it can be for him. I have discovered much about myself and my submissive side over the last year or so. In a way, I always knew I had a submissive nature. I just did not know what that necessarily meant. I have figured out that I am at my happiest when I am submissive.
    This is a very private thing for us too, no one in either one of our families or any of our real life friends would even come close to understanding. So I can relate to feeling lonely.

    K

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    • Congrats on the marriage! I was the one that brought D/s to our marriage, also. Much in the same way you are doing. I sent my Husband various links, always typing something like “what do you think?” Or “hmmmm, this is interesting”. At first, I think, He wasn’t quite sure to make of it all – He thought it was a phase I was going through. I finally let Him read the journal I was keeping and He realized I was very serious and ready to do this. He went very slowly, incorporating things here and there, testing the waters but I just wanted to dive in!! It has been, and still can be, such a test in patience, but it is so worth it. 🙂

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      • Thank you!
        I knew this would be a long road when I started researching. I discovered much about myself before we got married and even brought up the idea of D/s before our wedding. He is still in the “it’s a phase” stage yet (or so it seems to me to be that way) even a year after I first brought it up to Him. I don’t really have a journal, but I think I need to get past my fears and try to bare my full soul before Him and see where that leads. I’ve told him how I felt but the words to describe it best just don’t come easy to me. Plus, it’s confusing in and of itself sometimes!
        Thank you again!

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      • I totally get the confusing part! I hadn’t kept a journal since my teen years, but once I started realizing what I am, I needed to gather my thoughts! I have a very hard time actually opening up…my thoughts go crazy and I jump from thing to thing. Journaling really helped me work through my whole “i shouldn’t be like this” feelings. I was sooooo scared to let my Husband read it…what if He didn’t want this – I felt I just couldn’t go back to the non-authentic me. I shouldn’t have been worried, he was on board. He doesn’t want to “mess anything up” so the road has been slow, though lately has been exceptional. I still could move faster, but that is not my call. When I feel impatient, I try to remind myself that we have the rest of our lives. Talking is still difficult for me, but He will no longer let me be silent, which is a blessing on it’s own. I read something that said “if you want your partner to take on a Dominant role, be more submissive in everyday activities”. That took some effort on my part but I think it helped to show I was serious! 🙂

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      • I am quite a talker. I tend to talk a lot. However, it seems I have a hard time talking about this (hence why I have emailed Him links, etc). Probably because most everything else I talk about it a “safe” topic where I am not afraid of how He will respond to it. Funny how deeply submissive I am and yet so opinionated. Lol! I have been working on the being more submissive part, but that submissive part if me also needs the reassurance from Him that I am being pleasing to Him. I think I will probably take some time to write down my feelings if nothing else just to organize them a little bit for when I am able to actually speak about it. Thanks for listening to me, I totally didn’t mean to hijack your original post! Lol.

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      • Ha! Not hijacking! I’m very opinionated (so much so, if any of my real life friends/family heard me say submissive, they’d laugh and not believe). I talk constantly, but trying to talk about this life-altering thing was like pulling teeth because it is the core of who I am and trying to explain that was difficult. I hope writing it down helps you, I think it will.

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      • That’s a good way to put it. “Life-altering” and “to the core of who I am” are exactly why I’m having a hard time talking about it. Not to mention, it’s almost cultural taboo to admit to being submissive by nature. It goes against what modern “society” teaches us is the right kind of woman to be. Not so long ago it was socially normal and acceptable to be as we are (that is, submissive). So there’s that hurdle too.
        Thank you so much for the encouragement! 🙂

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  3. My husband and I have been together for 33 years we been married for the last 28 years
    he was was my first only man I ever loved. I started researching D/s back in 2010 because I had know I was submissive and I wanted to learn more about me and the feelings that I had. I was afraid to discuss the D/s lifestyle with my husband with fear that he would think I was crazy for even to suggest it. My husband has always been dominate in our household but never in our bedroom and never in a 24/7 aspect. This January I decided that I need to open up and talk to him about us and D/s…it didn’t go over too well.
    My husbands excuse was our age and that I was just bring up D/s for some kinky fun in our sex life. I started getting frustrated and I had no one to talk with so I went online at the end of May found Lk’s blog and wrote her an email explain my situation. She did an article on D’s and that age shouldn’t be a factor in the matter. I showed my husband this article and read the comments to him. When I finished reading all the comments I asked him what he thought and his reply was that he didn’t know that I was serious and that he would think about it.
    A week had past and he hadn’t given me an answer yet… I couldn’t text him at work or talk to him about D/s on the phone because the company he works at is high security. I also was afraid to talk to him at home because I didn’t know what his reaction might be when I asked for his answer about D/s. I’ve never had a journal and I have a hard time expressing my feelings into words. So I decide to take a chance and I wrote him two letters that night….The first letter was explaining my submissive side and the feelings I kept to myself and never shared. The second letter I told him how much he has meant to me since the first time he came into my life and how much I love him. I left these letters under his wallet on the table so he would take them to work to read. That evening he came home and we sat down and he gave me his answer which was yes that he would try the D/s-m relationship. He wants to take it slow and I agree even though I want to run instead of walking. Lol! I write him a letter at least three times a week expressing the pleasure that his dominance gives me and how freeing I feel when he takes control and I also stroke his dominate ego… so his dominance will grow. I don’t know if this will work for anyone else but it helps me express my feelings without feeling unforgettable and it makes our communication between us easier.

    Lts. ♥

    .

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    • Thank you for the advice! I am going to try writing things out to at least organize my thoughts. Whether I give my Husband the written form or use that as my guiding point for a conversation we will see.

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  4. You words ring very close to home. My husband and I have just started sorting things out. I have always been submissive,but even as a child that was taken advantage of. I learned to hate it. I was very ashamed of who I was. I have been married to a strong loving man for almost 17 years, and I have been opening up more about my feelings. For years I believed the abuse cause the submissive feelings,but have really learned that it hindered them.When something is taken by force, there is no pleasure in giving. I am just now learning to give my inner self to someone and not to feel wrong. He is also learning how to connect with me. We have talked more in the last year than all the years before. I feel like I am in the perfect place yet, I could never share it with any of my friends. Well intentioned people always want to heal, deliver, or fix you. I finally understand that there is nothing wrong with me. Thank you for the blog-many just do not jive with who I am,but yours does.

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    • Thanks for reading & sharing and for your kind words. It is tough when you aren’t given a choice in things…I know. It’s definitely an experience opening up and getting rid of those walls…even with the person you’ve been married to for so long. It’s a great thing, though! I feel like my Husband and I really got to know each other (again? Better? Completely?) this year. So thankful to be on this journey… Sounds like yours is off to a great start. 🙂 If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me.

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