our secret

During these past months, my whole entire world has changed.  The way I think, the way I feel, the way I relate to MR, the way our household operates.  It has changed in so many wonderful ways and I sometimes feel I have a hard time relating with the rest of the world now.  I want to shout from the rooftops the benefits of D/s and BDSM, but of course I cannot.  I have not told my close friends, I haven’t told anyone in my real life.  Only Sir knows, it is our BIG secret, and while that is very fun, it can also be a little lonely. 

I don’t feel the need to talk about my sex life all the time.  Wouldn’t it be nice, though, to maybe talk about the honesty and the love and the harmony all this has brought? I want to share with the world, with my friends who maybe don’t have a strong marriage.  One of my closest friends is going through a very hard time with her husband and I feel kind of guilty that MR and I have a great marriage.  MR and I have always been close and happy, but this, THIS has taken things to a whole new level.  

So aside from feeling a bit guilty for our awesomeness (giggle), I just don’t feel like I can relate to anyone!  I mean, this life-changing thing is happening in my life and everyone just wants to talk about arguments and grocery store finds and blah blah blah.  I’m over here like “HELLO!!!  Can you not see that I am a whole new person?!”.  I guess no one but Sir can see that, but I certainly feel that our D/s journey is changing every bit of me, making me into what I should’ve been all these years, making me a much better version of me. 

For now, I will write this very disjointed blog (welcome to my brain) and relish in the fact the MR and I have this life that is in the early stages, but already so good.  D/s didn’t save my marriage – it didn’t need saving – but it certainly has lifted it up higher than I ever knew existed.



Those days

Some days, I need a little help with my submission. Those days that the kids are bickering, maybe my chores are never-ending, I’m tired, the days everyone wants something from me, the days I feel I have nothing worth giving, the days I just feel shitty being me. Those are the days I need help. It is so easy to backslide into my former ways, yelling, shutting down, but that is not good. Those things will not, and should not, be tolerated. Those days make me feel stupid for needing help, for needing correction, for not being submissive enough. My Husband, my Sir (though we haven’t gotten to my calling Him that often) never falters. He holds me, He listens, He corrects, He leads. I am so grateful and so thankful that He is the patient man that He is. I am pretty sure that He deserves much better than me and I have no clue how I got so lucky. So…Here’s to the kids’ summer vacation, and to our first D/s summer! shygirl


Shower sex.

Need I say more? Maybe just a little…

Shower sex is one of my favorite things. Nothing quite like being hot, wet, slippery and clean and then getting down to delicious, dirty business.
Shower sex with my long-time Husband/new-to-this-Dom is transcendent.

Lights off, candles glowing, fan on (to hide sounds from the kids) – stepping into the shower with MR is like stepping into heaven. Once the fun begins, the instructions, the hair-pulling, the pinching, biting, spankings –  I lose myself in Him, to Him, and I would do anything He asks. I give everything and He gives me back so much more.

I am still me, yes. But truly, I am His and that just makes me more me. I am whole.