Self esteem

When MR looks at me, I feel beautiful and sexy, wanted and loved. When we play, I only think about pleasing Him,then all thinking stops and feelings prevail.

It is in my quiet moments alone, occasionally after we’ve played, often when I look in the mirror, that I falter. I’m not overweight, I’ve never been called ugly, but I’ve birthed and nursed three babies and my body definitely tells that story. In my weak moments, those battle wounds are all I can see and I wonder why my Sir wants this. I could have a slimmer nose, smaller shoulders, my pre-baby boobs, on and on it goes until all I can think, all I can hear, all I can see are the things that I wish were different.

I recently apologized to MR for Him having to look at me. He didn’t take that very well. He sees someone different than I see and made it very clear that I am not to speak that way anymore. Actually, he said not to speak or think that way. I wonder how I begin to not have those thoughts? It would be nice to look in the mirror and not rip myself apart, but I don’t know anything else.

So, I’m supposed to work on my confidence and self-esteem. I know Sir won’t go easy on me regarding this. I want to please Him, I just wish I could see what He sees.

shygirl

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4 thoughts on “Self esteem

  1. He see’s what you don’t,,, that we are more than just a body you have your inner beauty, your personality your that’s who he loves the the all. I use to think that way my Sir is 5’10” I’m 4’9″ 3/4 of the world is taller than me. When I would go out with my Sir everyone would stare it gave me a head problem and than Sir told me to stop. Because they didn’t marry me and love me he did and thats the only thing that matters is his opinion. Love yourself for the whole.and I do I believe Lk wrote a post on this.or her Sir did.

    Lts♥

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  2. I feel exactly this way sometimes. While I am currently almost 29 weeks pregnant with my #2 (my dear Husband’s first pregnancy) I try not to let the feelings of a bad self image to get to me.
    Have you ever seen the video “Dove Real Beauty Sketches”? If you haven’t I would look that up. It was quite moving to watch. The way we view ourselves is often times not how everyone else sees us.

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    • Okay, I watched that video…and cried!! Wow. I am trying very hard to see myself how my Husband sees me. I have two girls (and a boy) and I’ve always been very quiet around them about my self image. I only want to build them up and I certainly don’t want them to have my issues. I never really thought about being nicer to myself. Argh. Thanks for pointing me to the video, it was eye-opening. Oh & happy pregnancy! 🙂

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      • Your welcome 🙂 I remember I also cried watching the video. My feelings seem to be similar to yours. I know what you mean about hiding your self image, I have a 4 year old daughter and this baby will be the second daughter. I also don’t want them to feel about themselves how I have felt about myself.
        And thank you for the well wishes! So far, so good! 🙂

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