When MR looks at me, I feel beautiful and sexy, wanted and loved. When we play, I only think about pleasing Him,then all thinking stops and feelings prevail.
It is in my quiet moments alone, occasionally after we’ve played, often when I look in the mirror, that I falter. I’m not overweight, I’ve never been called ugly, but I’ve birthed and nursed three babies and my body definitely tells that story. In my weak moments, those battle wounds are all I can see and I wonder why my Sir wants this. I could have a slimmer nose, smaller shoulders, my pre-baby boobs, on and on it goes until all I can think, all I can hear, all I can see are the things that I wish were different.
I recently apologized to MR for Him having to look at me. He didn’t take that very well. He sees someone different than I see and made it very clear that I am not to speak that way anymore. Actually, he said not to speak or think that way. I wonder how I begin to not have those thoughts? It would be nice to look in the mirror and not rip myself apart, but I don’t know anything else.
So, I’m supposed to work on my confidence and self-esteem. I know Sir won’t go easy on me regarding this. I want to please Him, I just wish I could see what He sees.