Mindless or mindful?

In discussing a mildly D/s themed novel with a very vanilla friend, she said she could never be a submissive because she couldn’t mindlessly do what a Dom wanted her to do. Not ready or willing to divulge my lifestyle, I vaguely disagreed and quickly changed the subject. But, mindless, really?!

I have never in my life been more mindful than I am now, thanks to D/s. I am more aware of feelings (MR’s and mine), actions, perception and the nuances of life in general.

Pre-D/s, I would say whatever popped into my head, especially during an argument, and give zero thought to the effect my words had on those around me. MR got the worst of it and always kept his cool. Now, although I do screw up and fight vanilla sometimes, the majority of the time I stop and consider my words before they are out of my mouth. When I slip, I take my punishment but more than that, I am able to see and understand what I’ve done wrong. That is mindful.

Before D/s, I grumbled about housework and many times opted not to do it. MR never complained, never told me that was my job, but I knew I should do it and I just wouldn’t. Now, I do it. Our bedroom stays pristine no matter what because that is our refuge. MR still has never said he expects me to clean. He doesn’t have to because I know it makes Him happy. These days when I don’t feel like doing my chores, I do them anyway because knowing he will feel more relaxed after work in a clean house makes me happy. Making Him happy makes me happy. That is mindful.

Pre-D/s sex was great, though my brain would still be chattering away, worried about how I look in this position, or how can I get Him to do that position without my taking over, etc. Now? Sex is phenomenal. Truly. My brain chatters in the beginning, but now it is thinking about  how to make Him happy and being sure to do what He’s asked. And then, my brain turns off and all that is left is pure sensation and love and feeling. That is huge for me and that is mindful.

Before D/s, if MR asked me to do something I usually would, but would do it with the attitude of “why do I need to be doing this”. Nice. Embarrassing to admit and I’m shaking my head right now. :/  Now, when MR tells me to do something I do it. I’d like to say I do it the first time, but I have a big defiant streak and He will sometimes have to repeat himself. I’m working on it, and it is so different from before. When I follow His directions, I do it with a happy heart because I know I am pleasing Him. I actively think about pleasing Him while I am doing the task. That is mindful.

So, to the friends that would never understand and will never read this:
I am submissive but I am not a doormat. I will never give up power mindlessly. I will try to be mindful in all aspects of my life, but especially in regards to D/s. I am submissive, but that is neither weak or mindless. I’ve found more strength through submitting than I ever thought possible. That, dear friend, is mindful.



9 thoughts on “Mindless or mindful?

  1. Wow! Every word is so very true…The before…Eyes not open….The now …Eyes wide open. We see clearly now what’s important. Great post! Kido’s


  2. This is really awesome and definitely something I need to learn eventually. I have been the D for most of my life and I have almost always found it difficult to release and let go and not find it as weakness, thank you!


  3. Great post shygirl! Couldn’t be more true! I’m a better person because of D/s…a better. Mom…and a much better wife!
    Not only have I become more respectful and mindful of my Sir and his feelings and needs….but I’m more mindful of others in the vanilla world too! My quick to anger is gone! I feel centered and so much more calm than ever before.
    Vanillas don’t understand because all they know is fiction…or porn. They dont understand there is more to it when you’re
    D/s-M….its a whole new definition. ..a new kind of taking care of each other… its a deeper connection than anyone on the outside can grasp.
    Great post!♥♥♥♥


  4. Thank you for this! So many people do not understand the dynamic and are quick to judge. I think they get the image of the “olden days” when wives were actually doormats. That is not the case with D/s and I wish more people understood. It would be so lovely if there wasn’t such a taboo surrounding the lifestyle. I realize that it is not a lifestyle for everyone (most of the people in my life would never truly understand it), but more tolerance would be nice.
    I agree, it is definitely NOT mindless at all.


  5. I love this post. I’m currently stuck in a holding pattern in the “before” (Heh, lurking through your old posts?) but after an extremely long time reading and being as stealthily submissive as I could, I actually had an epiphany a few days ago that it’s becoming much more instinctive to me. I don’t find myself thinking the “why am I doing this?” as often. Instead I find myself reacting halfway through whatever I’m doing with a “jeez, do i have to be so desperately submissive all the time?”

    Okay, this is turning into a much longer case of verbal vomit than I was prepared for. I apologize for thinking aloud on your blog. 🙂

    I really just wanted to say thank you. This post gives me hope that I’ll be able to find a place where I stop fighting the vanilla all the time.


    • You will get there, I’m sure. These days, vanilla only creeps in for surprise attacks…everything is much more instinctual, except for my mouth. Controlling my mouth is a recurring battle. 😉


Tell me something

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s