In discussing a mildly D/s themed novel with a very vanilla friend, she said she could never be a submissive because she couldn’t mindlessly do what a Dom wanted her to do. Not ready or willing to divulge my lifestyle, I vaguely disagreed and quickly changed the subject. But, mindless, really?!
I have never in my life been more mindful than I am now, thanks to D/s. I am more aware of feelings (MR’s and mine), actions, perception and the nuances of life in general.
Pre-D/s, I would say whatever popped into my head, especially during an argument, and give zero thought to the effect my words had on those around me. MR got the worst of it and always kept his cool. Now, although I do screw up and fight vanilla sometimes, the majority of the time I stop and consider my words before they are out of my mouth. When I slip, I take my punishment but more than that, I am able to see and understand what I’ve done wrong. That is mindful.
Before D/s, I grumbled about housework and many times opted not to do it. MR never complained, never told me that was my job, but I knew I should do it and I just wouldn’t. Now, I do it. Our bedroom stays pristine no matter what because that is our refuge. MR still has never said he expects me to clean. He doesn’t have to because I know it makes Him happy. These days when I don’t feel like doing my chores, I do them anyway because knowing he will feel more relaxed after work in a clean house makes me happy. Making Him happy makes me happy. That is mindful.
Pre-D/s sex was great, though my brain would still be chattering away, worried about how I look in this position, or how can I get Him to do that position without my taking over, etc. Now? Sex is phenomenal. Truly. My brain chatters in the beginning, but now it is thinking about how to make Him happy and being sure to do what He’s asked. And then, my brain turns off and all that is left is pure sensation and love and feeling. That is huge for me and that is mindful.
Before D/s, if MR asked me to do something I usually would, but would do it with the attitude of “why do I need to be doing this”. Nice. Embarrassing to admit and I’m shaking my head right now. Now, when MR tells me to do something I do it. I’d like to say I do it the first time, but I have a big defiant streak and He will sometimes have to repeat himself. I’m working on it, and it is so different from before. When I follow His directions, I do it with a happy heart because I know I am pleasing Him. I actively think about pleasing Him while I am doing the task. That is mindful.
So, to the friends that would never understand and will never read this:
I am submissive but I am not a doormat. I will never give up power mindlessly. I will try to be mindful in all aspects of my life, but especially in regards to D/s. I am submissive, but that is neither weak or mindless. I’ve found more strength through submitting than I ever thought possible. That, dear friend, is mindful.