RIP

Losing a pet is tough. This is not the first time and it won’t be the last. I am feeling the loss so deeply these past days, avoidance and distraction my only means of coping.

I feel responsible, in a way, for not knowing she snuck out. She was always trying to get outside, but wasn’t allowed. It is dangerous out there and I just didn’t want to chance it. A lot of good that did.

She escaped. I had no clue, even though she slept between my legs most nights. Not every night, if she had been there every night, I would have realized the implications of her not being there. I woke up briefly that night, cold, wondering where she was, and went right back to sleep.

She returned. When my Husband was leaving for work the next morning, He opened the door. All I heard was “What the hell!?” and I jumped up. Somehow I knew before He told me, my subconscious realized what I didn’t. My Husband began talking, I only heard

“…she’s hurt…”

I watched her limp across the floor to my bedroom, under our bed, and lay down. I grabbed a flashlight and got down on my hands and knees to check her out. No blood. Nothing looked broken. But her eyes…her eyes told the story and I knew she was hurting, I knew she was traumatized. She had been a part of our family for ten years, I was her favorite, and I just knew she wasn’t doing well.

I cried there on the floor, my heart breaking. I am an animal lover, she was a part of our family, and I hate to see anything suffer. My Husband had a tough time consoling me, but He held me and stroked my hair until I could breathe. He said we needed to leave her alone and let her rest. We think it was a snakebite. A vet couldn’t help and we read many stories of full recoveries. Husband said we just had to wait it out. Though I hated to watch her suffer, I was hopeful she would get better and I didn’t want to put her down if she’d be fine.

Wrong decision.

Three days. She lasted three days like that…resting. I prayed she would recover.  I pet her head often, laying on the floor, reaching under my bed, tears drenching my face, my hair, my shirt. I told her how much I loved her, how sorry I was. That third day, her breathing became labored and she couldn’t even open her eyes to look at me. I knew it was time. I told her to let go. An hour later she let go, leaving me with a broken heart and lots of memories.

My sweet Husband buried her in the backyard. I cried, He cried, the kids cried. They haven’t cried anymore, but I do. I miss her greatly, especially when I sleep.

I know the hurt will ease up, but this really sucks.

RIP

shygirl

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25 thoughts on “RIP

  1. I’m very sorry for your loss Shygirl..It’s hard losing a pet that been in the family for years. I lost our first dog we ever had and never replaced him. I also am a animal lover so I know how hard this is for you. Sending you *BIG HUGS*
    Lts♥

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  2. My two dogs are my heart. I dread the day I lose them. My heart aches for you. I believe you will see them again one day in heaven. It wouldn’t be heaven without them and their unconditional love.
    Peace.

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  3. Shygirl…. I’m sending warm hugs your way. She knew your love of her. She knew!
    I’m sorry that I just connected you with your blog… Too many things going on at once. I’m following … So I will keep up.. Watch out!
    LK 🐇❤😊😊😊😜

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  4. Sorry for your loss… often times a pet, who really becomes on of the family will touch your heart in such a way and when they leave this earth in their calculated years or through accident or health, the heart will feel this as it should, and we move on with the wonderful memories and treasured love that embraced us… My thoughts and prayers for you this evening… ✨

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  5. Shygirl,

    You are most certainly not responsible in any way for this tragedy. You and your husband did everything that you could do. I am sure that just being under your bed with you talking to her and petting her was altogether comforting to her.

    She was very lucky to have you and your loving family to share her life with and she in return has blessed you and your family with wonderful memories.

    With deepest sympathy,

    Mr. Fox

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  6. I’m so sorry ShyGirl. I know you and your family are heartbroken right now. Try and remember how much love she must have known you all had for her. Even injured, she made sure to get home to her family that she loved. Please don’t blame yourself.

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      • I know. But I’m sure you and your husband had the best intentions, made the decision you thought was right at the time with the information you had. That’s all that any of us can do in a tough situation.

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  7. I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet hits hard and it’s ok to grieve. They are a member of the family and will be loved and remembered fondly forever. Hugs

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  8. Shygirl,

    My heart hurts for you today… I have lost several furry family members, and have grieved for each one. Currently I have three dogs that are my babies, and don’t want to think about ever having to say goodbye. Sometime’s the what if’s can overwhelm us and guilt weigh down our hearts to the point of making the grieving process worse. Don’t torture yourself like that, pet’s know where to go for love and comfort, that’s why your beloved friend went under your bed, she knew that would be where she would find refuge and your love for her. Try and bring peace to your heart by knowing she is no longer suffering.
    A friend of mine told me once about a place that our beloved pets go when they pass, it’s called Rainbow Bridge. They have a website that you can check out. Below I have included a piece written for the website explaining what Rainbow bridge is, I know it brings peace to my heart and a smile to my face knowing that one day I will once again be reunited with my beloved furry family. Sending you hugs🐱

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

    Author unknown…

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    • Thank you so much. That is beautiful. I’m really trying to keep the what-if’s at bay. I am so very thankful that she came home, so I could say goodbye and she could pass surrounded by love. 😦

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