On being needy…

I am a needy creature.

I need not only the basics – food, water, shelter – I need to submit.

I don’t simply want to submit or enjoy submitting, I need it.

The thing about it, though…sometimes I fight it and I need a little help. I need to feel His dominance to remember that submitting is okay and beautiful.

I don’t need constant rules and punishment and scenes, but I really do need structure and praise and consequence.

I need follow-through, always, even when life is busy. 

I need that look, that eyebrow, that firm hand on my neck.

I need love.

Now and again, I need assurances that He is happy with this, that He is getting as much from this as I am, because I worry.

I know I am needy and this I can be a lot of work, so I really need to know I am making Him happy.

He is good at letting me know all is well and happy. He is great at fulfilling my needs. We have come such a long way and I’ve never felt happier or more complete.


This is on me – I do understand this is my head talking – just sometimes, I need a little more.


14 thoughts on “On being needy…

  1. You are not alone Shygirl! We all have those days that we feel we are not getting enough and we want more. When I feel this starting to dwell in my head I sit down with Sir and tell him how I’m feeling and it helps. Sir ends up telling me all the good things I need to hear and gives me extra attention when this happens.Sir will touch me more when he comes home from work or will take a shower together before Sir goes to bed to sleep just to feel his hands on me. I do need rules it keeps me on the right path and it makes me know that Sir cares and is serous about my submission and loves me.


    • I need rules, not a lot, but I really need them to be enforced when I falter. I know that sounds childish, but there it is. I haven’t told my Sir how I’m feeling…I feel like it’s a fine line between informing and coercing. I know that He would rather me tell Him, but I cannot get past the “i shouldn’t need to tell Him/why doesn’t He just know?” feeling. I realize that is counterproductive, but not sure how to jump that hurdle today.


      • I feel the same way that Sir should know and I shouldn’t have to tell him. But I also know he has other things on his mind also and doesn’t always notice something maybe bothering me or I don’t show it. But I know if I don’t take that step first and it gets to the point that I get bratty or disrespectful I’m the one who is going to tear down the strides that Sir has gained. Sometimes its hard ..and stinks that we can’t read whats on each others minds. You will find away to go over that hurdle because you want this to much. sending you * BIG HUGS*


      • My Sir tells me all the time….he’s not a mind reader! And he doesnt have as much….um…research or study on this lifestyle as I do. When I need more….I simply text him or email him something short and sweet and that tells him when I’m feeling needy. This will usually open up a conversation…..which leads to the “more” that I’m needing!


      • They don’t know and it is very hard to commumicate. My husband gets too busy to follow up with me and I falter. I like when he gives me more structure, but work sucks up so much time and energy. He has said numerous times that he needs me to be more proactive. He said he shouldn’t have to micromanage me. What I figured out was that if I text him a couple of times during the day to let him know what I accomplished that I get a better response. So I’ll text him something like: “Sir, I did 5 sets of 60 second planks and I was able clean out the garden section of the garage.” He may text back: “Good girl. I want to inspect your abs when I get home.”

        He may not otherwise check out the garage or ask me if I worked on my abs and it would have me feeling rejected when he was the one who wanted me to do it in the first place. When I am proactive this way and keep myself accountable with reports to him I get more attention. The other way he takes as yet another job to do and he’s already so overloaded.


      • This is a great perspective and very helpful. My Husband has been swamped with work, that’s why I feel so bad asking for more – I certainly don’t want to be another job for Him!

        I love the idea of a quick text letting Him know I completed tasks. I will try that out tomorrow…He came home early today!


  2. Sometimes this journey is hard for them too, communication is vital to the success of your D/s. My Sir always say to me that ” he has two balls, neither of which are crystal” , and that while he tries very hard to read me, that his vanilla side of life (mostly his work) can at times consume him, and I need only to reach for him and talk. The vanilla side of our lives can pull us out of our submissive mindset too, and sometimes I find just refocusing my submission can bring me what I thought I was missing.


  3. Shygirl,
    You’re doing the right things… When you feel it slip… Or I sometimes say.. I feel like I’m a fish out of water.. Flipping around …needing the water… Needing his hand or his guidance. That he’s there to catch me as I fall… You know I’m realizing …. Look him in the eye and thank him for his Dominance. Then leave it there.. He will start understanding your appreciation… And it will feed him.. His Dom will feel it and continue giving you what you need. Best wishes!
    LK ❤🐇😊😊😊


    • Thanks, LK. Fish out of water…perfect analogy. My shy really kicks in with the talking, but I’m working on it. I told Him last night after our movie date a bit of what I was feeling, but I like your approach of a heart felt thank you. That’s on today’s agenda.


  4. Thanks for sharing this. I sent it to Sir with the comments and told him I feel like this but didn’t know how to say it and you worded it so well. We just finished a two hour conversation that was long overdue on both our parts. It helps so much to know others are going through the same issues. Hugs to you Shygirl I hope you feel my gratitude and support through cyberspace!


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