Following up

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(This photo has nothing to do with anything, but I love it so!)

Sometimes I read blogs and feel pretty invested in the subject matter…only to never hear of a resolution or a follow up. I try to go back to the original post to read through every comment, hoping for some sort of closure, but I feel like a stalker doing that! This is the nature of blogland, but it goes against my nature…even with my own blog. Maybe I stand alone in this, but maybe not. Either way, it’s update time!

My sweet pet is still missed daily. I’ve dried the tears for the most part, but I’ll find a toy or see a commercial (eyeroll) and cry a bit. I was so touched and lifted up by all the kind, heartfelt comments on the original post. I cannot accurately express my gratitude with words, but THANK YOU will have to suffice.

I have been needy all week. I spoke to my Husband a little bit about it Monday, but as He was falling asleep…not the best time. I’m a chicken.

The next day, I just wanted something to do for Him. Anything. He was working, I sent Him a text asking if He needed anything done or purchased. “nah, I’m good, but thanks” was the response.
I’m pretty sure I responded wih “ugh. Ok. :/”  Clearly, I’m in a funk.
So, later yesterday, I sent Him the needy post…copied & pasted into an email. (No, He doesn’t read my blog. Yes, He knows of it.) I got zero response. Last night, I was feeling His Dominance in lots of ways.  All was well.

Cut to this morning, still no email response (strange!) and I was back to feeling out-of-sorts. I email Him again, this time just laying out how I feel when I get no response…like I’m spiraling downward. No response to that as of yet, but He did respond to the original email. Good grief! The response was positive, and yet-

I feel like I’m on the razor edge of something. I’m bleeding but don’t know which side I should land on, so I stay on top of the blade and it keeps cutting deeper. As I type this, I’m pretty sure that blade is my silence, my shyness, my insecurities. Crap.

And since I had a moment of strength and sent the second email, I know we will have to talk about this! So hard for me – I always feel so raw and exposed. That armor I had for years just isn’t around now and all this honesty makes me…nervous…scared…delicate…little…

This has been such a long week and it’s only Wednesday! I’m going to turn this around tonight, maybe after a drink or two. (positive thinking until He gets home!)

Feeling like this: Radiohead – Just

shygirl

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10 thoughts on “Following up

  1. I like the pic…My Sir didn’t read my blog either..but he does read it a bit now and that is because I set his tablet up for him..he only reads it when I tell him that I wrote something that I would like him to read and is important to me. I bought a laptop for vacation but I have been using lately with him to show him things about how I feel. Some days its easier for to do this instead of trying to figure out how to just say it. Sir will ask me why I do this instead of just talking to him…I told him that sometimes I don’t know how to start the conversation to make it not sound like he isn’t doing his part because he is by far exceeding beyond and more.. and that I just feel that sometimes I need that extra attention, that I don’t get during the week and if he would give me things to do to keep my mind busy. This happened last week to me..so Sir gave me a list of task to complete and it made me feel useful to know it was from him. I have completed all but one. Now Sir is going to give me a list of things that I don’t normal do every week. I love it and I know my sexual needs will be taken care of when Sir desires, but when it is it is well worth the wait.
    I’ve been recently told that my sexual needs will be on Saturday play night and that I can not touch myself or use any wand or toys to release my sexual frustration during the week. Unless Sir says otherwise or comes home and takes what he desires and owns at that moment..
    P.S. Sir does make up for it on Saturdays and than some… 🙂
    Lts

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    • I bet you really look forward to Saturdays!! Fun! I don’t think my Husband fully understands that I WANT to do things for Him. He still just always wants to make my life easier and lessen my load. Very sweet and kind, but good grief! I need to stay busy, I need to do things for Him because it makes me feel good and keeps my mind in the right place. As you can see, my mind runs away and I quickly move into a space of doubt and fear. Lots I need to work on, but I’m asking Him for something He wants me to get accomplished right now.

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      • I do look forward to Saturdays because its not just the sex….which is fantastic. It’s the time I we get to be together just to relate between each other and joke,laugh and talk which we don’t get to do all week. I’m glad you have something to keep you focused on today…I know its hard to ask Him for this little things because they want to pamper us. But its up to us to show them or tell them this is what we need to feel wanted and keep us from wandering in our heads. Your doing great and have grown 🙂 keep the faith and don’t get down on yourself….patience is key…you know this *HUGS*
        Lts

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  2. Communication is key to D/s… He won’t know your hurting or needy sometimes without your communication, unless he is great at reading you. My submission has become a lifeline of sorts to me, when I’m down, scared, or unhappy, I simply give it to my Sir and he gives me back a new look, or perspective….making me whole again. Be strong and hang in there!🐱

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    • You’re so right. Communication is key. I’m trying to get to the point where I’m not struggling to talk. He always makes me feel better when I finally do…not sure why it is such a hangup. I’m working on it. 🙂

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  3. I think raw and exposed is part of the process. We’re breaking down the walls, we have to feel vulnerable to be able to give ourselves completely to our hus/Doms. Men just don’t think the same way we do. If we don’t tell them what we’re feeling, they won’t firgure it out, and sometimes, they don’t even know something is wrong. In the beginning, you just have to put it all out there. All of it. Even the embarrassing parts. I’m getting better at this. It’s still not easy. I did tell my Sir, that I will need him to push me. I’m not always just going to spill my guts, but if he can see something is wrong, and he demands I tell him the truth…as my Dom, I will tell him…I can’t stop it from spilling out if he pulls my chin up with his finger and makes me look him in the eye….it’s so freaking sexy…it just opens me right up! Hope you have a great day today! Make it count….talk!

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    • The chin tilt…yep…I’d do anything at that point…even talk! SUPER sexy. Today WILL be a good day. Last night we talked a little, this morning a little more. I forget, from time to time, He doesn’t think like I do. Thank you for the reminder.

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  4. My husband sometimes reads and sometimes comments. I don’t get extensive comments. but a few times he has said things that take me by surprise. I’ve sent emails and texts and received no response. I took it personally for a long time, but we finally talked about it extensively and I have come to understand that it’s hard for him to read these things at work. He worries about me and if he feels that if I’m distressed at home while he’s at work he can’t focus on his job and he has to focus while he’s there. It’s just our reality and I have to accept it. I have to believe him when he says it’s not because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to be there for me.

    We have also talked about how I ask for things. I have sent the exact same text and got the exact same response. He couldn’t understand why I was upset. When I told him that I needed guidance and instruction from him as well needing to feel submissive by doing something nice he asked me why I didn’t just tell him that. The text should have read: Sir, I feel a strong need to serve you somehow today. Could you please assign me a task that I can accomplish for you? Then, after accomplishing the task I would text letting him know that I took care of it and that I hope I made him proud. When I approach him like this I get more. He wants me to be up honest and specific and not talk in hints or beat around the bush. I’m learning.

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    • Oh Elle. My Husband has said the same thing…he cannot focus on His job if he is worried about me. I understand this, but my feelings do get hurt still. He works long days, my days can get long with the kids and stuff. I just want a connection – sometimes I feel so untethered. My husband does not sit at a desk…his job is very hands on…I should not expect responses.
      I’m going to try that text today. My husband also did not understand why I was upset when He didn’t give me anything to do. In fact, he was trying to make my life easier by saying he was good. Ha!
      Thank you for sharing this… Extremely helpful!

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