You know when you are performing, or running, and you hit your stride? Maybe it is a sport, or video game, or singing and you are in “the zone”? That muscle memory, that adrenaline, kicks in so that what you are doing is done without thinking…it is just you, doing your thing, and you are untouchable?
And then, you know those times you are in that zone and you pop out of it briefly, just long enough to think “wow, this is great, I’m doing it!”? Then moment is lost, you start to stumble, you carry on, you know this by heart, but now you are thinking hard, stressing about each and every step?
I’m there. For no reason that I can pinpoint, I am stumbling out of my stride, out of my zone. Last week was monumental, one for the books. I was flying high on His dominance and my seemingly effortless submission, everything just clicked.
Nothing has changed really – Sir is still embracing this and really coming into His own. His dominance fits, it just is. I know He isn’t acting or trying to appease me or any of the things I’ve worried about. He is becoming more and more confident and I am reaping the benefits.
Somehow, though, I havd slipped in my thinking and taken up residence in my head. That is dangerous because I can overthink anything. I can tear myself down so far that I don’t know how to build back up. I am trying to stop…He is confident, I trust Him, how can I still doubt? Why can I not have the confidence in myself? I hate needing reassurance all the time! Sir knows what’s up and He is helping – this morning I’m feeling a bit better, but I still feel a little off-kilter.
Surely this is normal?! I know I’ll get my stride back. I just hope it is sooner rather than later.