Thinking Thursday

It’s Thursday! Hallelujah!!Β  Almost time for the three day weekend. Kids went back to school on Monday and everything is in full chaotic swing.

I’ve been reading different viewpoints and thinking…

Is submission to my Husband a gift?
The short answer? No.


I know that won’t sit well with some (many?) people, so I will try to elaborate. First, a story!


When I was young, a friend gave me a hamster, as a gift. I was so excited! I showed my mom, named him Romeo and we headed up to the pet store. We purchased a cage, bedding, food, treats, a water bottle, and ball for him to roll around in. The bill was nearly $100! The gift ended up being very costly and, since Romeo was a living creature, a lot of maintenance was required (feeding, watering, playing, cage cleaning, etc). If I were forced to think of my submission as a gift, it would be one like that hamster – fun to play with, but requiring lots of time and effort and dirty work. But I hold firm…my submission, while welcomed and appreciated, is no gift.

You may say that giving someone else control is a gift, but is it really? From where I stand, having that control is a lot of work. The physical, mental and emotional costs seem very high.

Maybe you think giving Him total access to my body is a gift? Nope. He’s had that from the beginning, well before D/s was established between us. Our sex life has always been very active and quite twisty. I can’t gift something He’s already had for years!

What about the complete baring of my soul, the total excruciating honesty? Is that a gift? Ummmm, no! I live in this head of mine and if anything, that honesty and transparency is a crazy burden.

Servicing Him, doing things to please Him, surely those are gifts? I say nay! I feed off of pleasing Him (i am not just talking sexual here) and being able to please Him is simply just my [cherished] duty, as His wife and submissive.

So, then, is His dominance a gift to me? No. It feels like it much of the time, but it isn’t. He does what He does because it is what He needs. Lucky for me, what He needs to give, I need to receive and vice versa.

I cannot live my life wrapped in a bow, everyday saying ‘here I am, your gift’. A gift is given once. I’ve been His for 16+ years, I have no intention of regifting myself to Him (or anyone else).


Okay. My submission is not a gift, but what is it? It is me, I am my submission. I simply am submissive, it is no gift. I also have blue eyes – no one would venture to say they were a gift for my Sir. Our D/s dynamic is just us, but on a whole other level. A higher plane of thinking, of living, of being, if you will. My Husband and I chose each other long ago and finally we can just be.


Photos found on Google.


16 thoughts on “Thinking Thursday

  1. I love that perspective. A better word than submission is may be offering. A gift is usually received and you smile and say thank you even if you do not like the gift. An offering, however, is usually something that is required by the receiver from the giver. In the case of D/s, it would be a mutual offering. I am submissive and require dominance. He is dominant and requires submission.

    Good food for thought.


  2. Good morning Shygirl! First let me say I respect your honest and we all have different points of view. I do agree with a lot of your points but its way more than what you have written. I wish I could explain why….. but I’m just now ready to leave for vacation. To me my submission is a gift.
    Good post! πŸ™‚


    • Thank you. I know many view their submission as a gift and I’m certainly not trying to upset anyone! If it IS a gift, I would venture to say my submission is more of a gift to myself than to my Sir. In the end, for me, Elle’s concept of ‘offering’ is really striking a chord. πŸ™‚ have a wonderful trip!!


  3. Love thinking Thursday… Lots for us to think about… Since I’m still trying to figure all this out.. A gift would sound appropriate but so would Elle’s as an offering!!’ Love that I need to think!!! Thanks shy girl!! Good post!!


  4. Interesting view and really got me to think shygirl… I agree and disagree with you (if that’s possible πŸ˜‰ and I love Elle’s suggestion. I used the word ‘gift’ recently, and maybe that is the romantic in me speaking πŸ™‚ I am offering my submission, It is a special part of me that I give to my husband without expecting anything in return. It’s not the same as making supper or doing chores which are more expected. It’s voluntary and done with so much love and respect… i am not being overly needy, it’s something I’m giving of me… he can decide what he wants to do with it. Yes I agree, it is a lot of responsibility for a Dom and I’m often curious what their view is on all of this.


  5. Well said Shygirl. I agree its not a gift it’s just who I am. And like you pointed out he needs my submission and all the work it brings just like I need his dominance. It’s something we offer and accept from each other.


    • I think we are in the minority. πŸ˜‰ I may need to explore this more…I’m not sure I got across how much we value the D/s dynamic we’ve found, even though I don’t see it as a gift.


  6. For me in my mind…..submission has always been a gift, but I also feel that Sirs domination is a gift as well. He is my ying and I his yang, we don’t exist without the other, we complete each other. Can I be submissive without his Domination? He sets the stage so to speak for my submission, and I graciously give back. So if submission is a gift, so is his Dominance of me, is it not?
    However, I appreciate your take on it, and totally respect your feelings and what is working for you and your Sir. The beautiful thing about our journeys is that no two are alike. And we all make our paths what we want them to be. There is no one expert, we are all experts at living and loving in “this thing that we do”. Great thinking post! πŸ’—πŸ±


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