Now for some noise!

Silence. It is a tricky thing.

Sometimes the silence is welcome… a soothing calm, floating on gentle waves.

Other times, the silence is a soundless scream, falling into the abyss. That silence will overwhelm, that silence will hold you down and control you. That silence will squeeze your heart, restrict your blood flow, all the while pretending to make you strong.

Today, I broke it. Twenty three years is all it took, and I just up and decided that I cannot grow anymore if I am bound by the tortuous silence. So, I did what any person would do…I wrote it down. The basic, dirty, painful, unfair details went on the paper. I did not cry – there are no tears left for this. I wrote it as best I could remember, trying not to embellish or warp, as the years can sometimes do. This traumatic, life-altering event that sent me down a rotten path took up about 3 and a half pages. Three and a half pages that have taunted me for years…how are there not more?

So, I wrote this thing that I have never told anyone and I asked my Husband/Sir to please read it…and then destroy it. He did. He was sad, I didn’t want that. I just needed to let it go because I have to be done with it. Suddenly, I could not shoulder it alone for one more second.

Maybe that wasn’t fair to my Sir…maybe I should have taken it to the grave. No. I did the right thing. I know this because today I’ve been floating on air and for the first time I can remember, my shoulders have no knots.

It is a tricky thing, that silence. I finally found my voice and put that 13 year-old girl out of her misery. Bring on the noise!

shygirl

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21 thoughts on “Now for some noise!

  1. You are amazing and strong. I’m so very proud of you because I understand that silence and what it takes to tell. You have inspired me to share all the details. I just never thought about writing it all. I’m so verbal that I thought I needed to say it, but the words would never come out. Your Sir will now build you up, help heal your heart, and give you strength, wisdom, and encouragement.

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  2. Facing demons from our past can be monumental, and overwhelming, but expelling them from your soul and sharing with another is so brave. I pray that it continues to bring you the peace you feel today. Don’t look back, let your Sir take you forward and continue to heal your heart and soul. 💗🐱

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    • Thank you! Your words are kind…I never thought sharing was the brave move – I really believed silence was strength. My Sir is awesome and will not even let me steal a glance back. 🙂

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  3. I am so proud of you too! It is not easy to face traumatic experiences of the past, especially after such a long silence. Letting go is not easy either. Now the real healing can begin ❤❤❤

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  4. Good Bless you, and all girls who grew up in silence, carrying a secret bigger than themselves. There are many who can’t bear the weight, and as proud as we all are of you for telling your secret, I’m equally proud of you for not letting it consume your life!

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  5. How amazing that you slayed that demon! Well done! As hard as I’m sure this was for you and your Sir, I’d wager that it will make your relationship stronger. You have just given him monumental proof of your trust. Hugs to you!

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  6. Strength comes in many forms but the strongest comes from being able to tell your most hidden and most painful secrets may it be by writing or talking about it to the one you love. Now your heart and soul will feel light and you will find that it will help you more than you know. Your Sir will now understand a piece of you that he did not know before and will help you get past it and move on. You are stronger than you think girl. Proud of you! 🙂
    Lts

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  7. Don’t doubt whether you did the right thing babe… it was undeniably brave to talk about it after so many years. It’s natural for your Sir to be sad… he loves you and don’t like to know that bad things ever happened to you. He is probably sad that you had to carry the burden for so long on your own. He probably feels a bit helpless. I barely know you, but I want to hug you… I know the feeling of finally letting go after so many years. Mine was nothing serious, but I also carried too much weight on my shoulders for so many years… that weekend that my husband said he wanted to be my Dom, changed everything for us. I shared everything with him and he helps me with these things now… it’s as you said… floating.. being free of those issues that were weighing me down. It will only make your relationship stronger… enjoy your journey from here!

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  8. Shygirl…… D/s… Has a way of bringing things to the surface. Makes you deal… But giving over to your Sir was the right thing to do…. Those things put a hole in you that will never heal! I have that hole to! It scabs over and quits bleeding. …. Your Sir can handle it in ways you’re not able to.
    I don’t want to go into what happened to me here but if you want to email me, please do.
    Talking does help… Hugs…
    LK 🐇❤❤❤❤❤😥

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