Thinking [time] Thursday

Wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, collar, lube, wand, plug, crop, hands, mouth, dick… or what I like to call Wednesday night.

Let me back up.  This past weekend sucked.  I was in a funk of funks.  I felt forgotten, I felt no dominance, I felt confused.  I was just very lost.  I tried to talk to Sir.  Well, actually, I emailed Him and He was responsive, but I just was not feeling it.  I was trapped.

Sunday I wrote. For close to an hour, I sat in my closet, three doors and two locks between me and everyone else, and I wrote – To my Sir, to the universe, to my soul.  I waited until Monday morning to give Him the letter that wasn’t much of a letter.

He read it and left for work.  Oh sure, He kissed me good-bye and that whole bit, but not a single word regarding my spewing of words and emotion!  I was a little bit sad, a little bit angry, and very much confused.  I texted Him.  His words brought me out of my funk.  More than that, His words made me see that I was not being a productive part of our D/s circle.  My behavior had essentially caused Him to shut down, thus making me sink further.  I had forgotten that He needs to be reassured sometimes.  I had forgotten that I need to show my submissiveness in everything I do and say.  Sir said that doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything He says, or not have an opinion, but it most definitely means that I need to show respect at all times and not pop off with immediate no’s and arguments.  He is right ,and when I read His words, something in my brain clicked.  I’m sure I should have had that click well before now – my mouth is always getting me into trouble – but I’ll take a click whenever it comes.  The week was off to a much better start, even though Sir was a bit sick.  He finally felt better yesterday, which leads me back to the beginning…

Wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, collar, lube, wand, plug, crop, hands, mouth, dick…

I stepped out of the bathroom, ready for bed and prepared to take the spankings I had earned.  I was feeling a bit devious playful and I tried to hurry and get under the covers so Sir couldn’t grab me, but He was not in the bed.  He lunged at me, we laughed, He bent me over the side of the bed.  I hear the drawer open and He put my wrist cuffs and collar on then clipped my hands behind my head to my collar.  Ankle cuffs came next.  He got the crop, I tried so hard to count but after six I just couldn’t!  Sir kept making me come back to earth… these are punishment, He said, and I needed to feel each one.  No matter, I’m off and dripping and I suppose He got to the 49 I’d earned.  The last few smacks were with His big, warm hand and by that point, I was trying to wiggle and get a little friction going with the bed, His dick, His leg, ANYTHING! He lubes me up and puts the plug in my ass (as an aside: this is the first time Sir has used the plug ON me, until now it has been me doing it under His command while He is out working.  I was pretty excited about this!).  Plug was in, Sir rammed in soon enough and I’m just an O machine, one rolling into the next.  Sir brought out the wand.  Lord.  So much, too much, not enough, more, less… I couldn’t have a coherent thought if you’d threatened me with a painful death.  Sir unclipped me, flipped me over and continued to have His way… which is also my way.  He eventually came, I came who knows how many times, and I slept the sleep of the dead.  I woke up today happy and horny.  Yes, horny… sex makes me horny… I will be sated for a very short time and then I just want more.  Poor Sir…

This post may be rambling and maybe it doesn’t flow very well.  That’s fine by me…my life is pretty rambling and doesn’t flow very well, but it works for us.  Time keeps moving and you just have to make sense of what you can and hold onto those moments that make everything brighter.  Time changes many things – a week can make ALL the difference.  And a year?!  A year can change your whole world.

 

 

 

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Thinking [time] Thursday

  1. I hope those last sentences are true for me… I see some changes, but it is incredibly slow. I am happy though. And so happy that you had one of those Ah-hA moments. I also like those, because it makes you feel like life is a learning experience, not just a series of events and occurrences. Yay!!!

    Like

  2. I’m sorry you had a rough weekend, but I really needed to hear this. I’m feeling extremely insecure and while I’m not full on “funk” mode, it could lead there easily. Thank you for the reminder that I need to be respectful and be mindful of my actions and words.

    Like

  3. You need to feed him your submission. He will grow from your submission. Its a power exchange not only the sexual exchange but outside those walls. He requested your respect. Have you asked for the lifestyle formally? He will need your role played so he can fulfill your expectations. Show him your submission, your commitment. He will then feed you what you need.

    Little Kaninchen
    ^^
    Email me if you need me.
    Hugs…

    We play football this week! AHHHHH!

    Like

    • Oh yes, definitely asked formally and we’ve been D/s in and out of the bedroom for a while. The medicine I was on made me crazy and I spiraled down from there. Sir didn’t know quite what to do about my bad attitude/behavior and He basically shut down. Big talk, big realization on my part…and we are back on track. 🙂

      Like

  4. I agree with everything Lk wrote but you need to Stop… look in mirror at yourself and find yourself first without anger or frustration. Than write your letter to your Sir without negativity because you will only confuse him about what you want or expect. You can get all your issues stated to your Sir
    with being more submissive. You have keep the flow positive even though it is hard to do to keep feeding into his dominance.
    Lts♥

    Like

    • Lesson learned. Truly. We are good. Sometimes, I think it takes those out-of-sync moments/days to get to the root of the issue. I dug down, then Sir really dug down and opened up… I now know very specifically what makes Him falter and He knows what sends me spiralling. I’m sure we will have many ups & downs, but we will be able to manage them better now.

      Like

Tell me something

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s