Thinking [compliments] Thursday

I walked into the parent-teacher conference, feeling a bit nervous because I’m not a big fan of talking to people, but I held my head up and put on my nice game face. The teacher saw me, smiled a big smile, tilted her head and exclaimed…

“Oh my gosh, you are so beautiful!”

Ummm…huh? I had spent that day with 10 two-year-olds, subbing at my old job – I was tired and just done! So of course I responded in true shygirl fashion. I frowned, smiled tentatively, shook my head slightly, and said “thank you”. I didn’t mean that thank you, of course.  You cannot really mean a thank you if you don’t believe the compliment.

What I wanted to say was more along the lines of
“Are you kidding me right now? Do you need to put glasses on?” and I always, always want to point out a flaw, or seven.  I held my tongue.

I used to point out flaws all the time, now I try to be mindful and I only do it sometimes.

“I love your hair” “Oh thanks, the roots are horrible.

“You are so thin, you look great”  “Haha, thanks, these jeans must hide my thighs.

You get the picture. My Sir has always gotten the worst of it. I’m glad He finds me attractive, no doubt about that, but I [still] struggle to see why. His compliments are usually met with disbelief and a self-deprecating joke. He does not appreciate this, so I am supposed to work on it. I am supposed to hear a compliment and just TAKE it. Like years of this ingrained behavior and these thought processes are easy to turn off! I get it, though. No one likes a jerk and maybe my responses come off a bit jerk-esque, on occasion.

So…thanks to my loving Sir, and our D/s dynamic, I am working on just saying thank you, and trying to feel good about whatever compliment has been thrown my way. Obviously, I’m not there yet…I still throw in that smirk or head shake.  Trying to change my thinking is very difficult…but I want to!

How do you all handle compliments? Any ideas on how to be more accepting of them? Or better yet, can one of you fix my brain? 😉

shygirl

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19 thoughts on “Thinking [compliments] Thursday

  1. My brain thinks just like yours. I automatically think the worst in side myself or non-verbally point out all the flaws, but outwardly I just say, Thanks and I give a compliment back. I try to turn the tables, because I don’t like the focus to be on me. It’s not that I’m not grateful or appreciate it when someone says something nice and of course there is always that little ego boost you get and it makes you hold your head a bit higher, but I always feel a bit uneasy by it. What’s interesting though, is I can take a compliment from a Man with much more grace and acceptance than I can from a woman. Do you find that as well?

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      • I find that men are usually more genuine in their compliments and they don’t just hand them put to placate people. Or maybe that is wishful thinking, idk. 🙂

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  2. For the most part, whenever I used to hear compliments, I’d just look at them and say “no, no” or make a self deprecating joke, or just compliment the other person by saying, “Nothing on you though”. I have never been comfortable with them as I don’t believe I am good looking at all. These days, sometimes when I like how I look, I wonder if I am right in thinking so and need corroboration. He has to bear with me then. Or my other friends do. “Do I look okay?” is my standard question. I can’t even say “Do I look nice?”, I am content with being presentable.

    He has often called me hot or sexy, and I cannot for life fathom why. Sometimes I am just glad He thinks so.

    Now, I try to just smile my way through it. I wish I could help more, but you are further along the path than I am!

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    • Even as a child, my mom always made a joke if I got a compliment. I had blue eyes & blonde hair, apparently that’s an ‘all-American’ combo, and random people would say nice things constantly. My mom would reply “oh, she’s alright I guess”. My Husband has recently pointed out that is a big part of my issue with compliments. So, I dyed my hair as soon as I was able, got tattoos – not so All-American now, whatever that is. My mom still does the same things… If someone says they like my hair, she will tease and make fun. Not sure what that is about?!
      Sorry to ramble, I just woke up ans this was on my mind.

      It is funny how our minds work. Annoying at times. Btw…I do that “do I look okay?” thing also. I should probably work on that as well.
      Thanks for reading & commenting.

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      • Maybe it was to “try help” you to never be vain? I don’t know. Sometimes parents do crazy things. Your Sir may be right though. And you have Him for comfort and reassurance. I am sure you’ll be fine. I should also stop asking if I look okay. Thanks!

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      • Ah, moms…they suck sometimes. Mine’s a doozy! My daughter is stunning…and I really mean that. She’ll be more beautuful than Halley Berry I swear. Since birth everyone compliments her. As a baby I could easily gush because I was so in love with my baby and babies are cute. But now…and especially since she’s reached puberty…People are really bold in their compliments and it embarrasses her. I try and help her accept the compliment so she doesn’t have the hang ups I have. My mom was awful. Someone would say…”Your daughter is so pretty and petite” and mom would say “She doesn’t have my long legs.” I still have hangups about my height as well as a dozen others. I think we’re all in the same boat. I was told by my Sir to say thank you and repeat back what was said. For example (and because I just lost 28 lbs so I’m getting this alot), “You look really good.” “I am looking good today, thank you for noticing.”

        He wants me to be proud if my accomplishment. The compliment back to the other person is that they are observant and it doesn’t diminish what they’ve said to me. It works!

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      • That’s a really great way to respond. I think I would feel so stupid saying that, though. I guess arguing with compliments is pretty stupid, too. I will attempt to say something like that the next time someone compliments me.
        I have tried so hard to teach my girls to have a great self-image and I try not to make my hang ups known in front of them. I would never say the things my mom said, still says, because if I am not there to build my kids up, who will be?! I won’t delve into that hot button issue now.

        A year ago, I lost 27 pounds so I know what a huge deal that is! Kudos to you!

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  4. It depends on the compliment… if it’s something I feel ok about, I can sometimes say thank you. If it’s something I’m really insecure about, I rip the person’s head off for making fun of me.

    Yeah, I should work on that last one, I know 😉

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  5. Oh yes…the compliments. Why can’t we just believe them….when someone says something kind?!? I have many hangups too. My Sir has been telling me for years to learn to take a compliment, especially from him! He once told me that when he tells me I’m beautiful I am to believe it and thank him….even well before D/s….. I’ve been working on it…for years. I’m still not good at it though I am better than I was. I’m not really sure how or why. Maybe just years of him telling me to take a compliment graciously (he’s always had Dom tendencies) I’ve managed to accept that most people are genuine (or maybe thats what i tell my naive self)…I mean why would a total stranger say something kind like that if they didn’t think it….especially if it just pops out like your kids teacher! Sorry I’ve rambled on and on….you got me thinking! I have a beautiful article I read once….ill have to find it again….but I’ll post it in the comments if I can!

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  6. Pingback: I’ve been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award. *Insert awkward thanks and shifty eyes* | Embracing Submission

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