Thinking [boss] Thursday

This post is not about a job- I haven’t found anyone willing to work around my crazy-restricted availability.  This post is not about my Husband/Sir, either, though I wish it were.  Instead, this post is about the world seeing me as the boss.  Here’s what got me thinking about this:

I was out shopping with my mom, saw a bracelet that said “BOSS” on it – you know the ones that are quite popular now with those big, block letters.  I touched it (I touch everything!) and made a ‘hmmm’ sort of noise, which drew my mom’s attention.  She said “I need that”, I said “yeah, you do…hahaha” and she said “well…so do YOU!”  She was absolutely serious. Boo, hiss, talk about a mood-killer!  I almost cried.  Seriously, I almost cried in Macy’s over a stupid bracelet.

The rest of the day was spent trying to push that way down deep and failing.  I am very aware that much most all of the world sees me as the boss. I guess, in many situations, it is necessary (kids, working, etc), but lately I’m really sickened by the thought of those close to me seeing me as the boss at home. Now, I know, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks and I’m usually the first to say that, but just indulge me for a moment…

For many years, I was kind of the boss. I had the final say in everything in our marriage… not because I demanded it, really, but because my Husband wanted me to be happy. Oh, what a rough life!  I can definitely be bossy and opinionated, I like things certain ways, I appear to know what I want. Sigh. So, I do understand why people think what they do, but I hate it, and I do mean hate.  I hate the jokes about my Husband having to check with me. I hate the implied idea that I “wear the pants” or “rule the roost”. Mostly, I hate that I am the one that has perpetuated this falsity. I hate that, for years…okay for all my life until a little over a year ago…I behaved as the boss. It breaks my heart. It bothers me beyond belief that I actually pretended to be that girl. I never wanted to be that girl…I just didn’t know how to be me. And it completely sucks that I am finally learning how to be me and cannot share it with anyone. Who, in my real life, would understand, or even BELIEVE me?!  I then wonder if I had actually been me in my life, would I have real friends, better friends, some friends? Who knows.  I am sickened and sad, and I cannot do a thing to change anyone’s mind.

Sorry this is not a very inspiring or well-written Thursday post.  I’m just venting a little – things with my Sir are fantastic, but I need to get this out there:

I am absolutely NOT the boss and I have worked hard for that coveted status.

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25 thoughts on “Thinking [boss] Thursday

  1. Relax girl….Take a deep breath! In with the good air…out with the bad!! Now…. In your Moms defense she probably does think of you as the boss, because she probably raised you to be ….I assume like her. She probably thinks of you as an independent, strong minded, and in control of everything Wife, Mother, and Daughter. While I’m not at all saying you should ever tell her that you enjoy submitting to your husband, or that you expose yourself in any way to the vanilla world in which you live, and hide your true self. We unfortunately need to hide the real us, most out there don’t understand, and probably never will. So where am I going in all this rambling? Well, I always try to find humor in it! If it had been me in that situation, I would have smiled and said ” oh you got that right Mom, I am the boss alright”, and thought to my self…”Oh if you only knew, how I desire to drop to my knees at the feet of the real boss of our home as he hopefully orders me to suck his cock”, and I would have been grinning from ear to ear!! So don’t get frustrated, turn the negative into a positive, and throw in some humor…you’ll feel better! And who knows, she might have thought “wow she really liked that bracelet, maybe I’ll get it for her for Christmas!” Then you really would have something to laugh about!

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  2. Oh I feel ya! So much!!! I was raised with the example of the biblical submission….wife to husband, husband to church…etc…etc. My mom was the only woman I ever saw submission in actual practice. I married into a family of feminists though…so there’s this perception that they just assume I make the decisions, that I’m in charge of the family and house. I don’t come out an literally say “my husband is the HOH, or my Dominant and I answer to him”. But for most of our marriage I’ve always made a point to say things like…”I need to check with my husband” or “let me ask my husband”. It still doesn’t really seem to sink in to my feminist relatives but that’s ok. I’ll just keep doing my thing….and like Minx said….smile on the inside!
    We should look for bracelets that say “Not the boss”! Hugs!

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  3. Right beside ya sista! Must be some cyber hormone sync going on! Raised by my feminist mom not to take any man’s crap! Hell for 13 years I earned nearly twice what Mr. Wolf did! I definitely wore the pants then. I also cried pretty much every day on the way to work and the way home too. I hated it. I, too, cringe when people suggest that my Husband had better check with his wife before making a decision, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. On the other hand, I LOVE it when people notice how into each other we are, and tell me they wish THEIR husbands were like mine ( If they ONLY knew!!). This happend tonight actually :). So, yes, it sucks that our lifestyle is not PC, because people only see one part of it, and don’t understand, but you have so many like minded friends here, and you can vent to US anytime, we GET IT!! Hugs to you friend!

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  4. You said that wonderfully! I feel the same way about being the boss. I want a job where I just punch a clock and do what I’m told instead of being the responsible one. I want him to be in charge at home. I’ve done so much for so long…

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  5. Shygirl,
    We have all been raised to be that thing the world expects from us… Be …”I’m Every Woman” (Oprah’s Theme Song) …..
    I’m strong and can do it all. So we directed ourselves to be just that. Building our lives…
    Now you have found submission…. It takes a STRONG woman to submit to her husDom.
    Submitting is not giving up it is giving in….. Being strong enough to give in to what you want.
    Let me know if you need any help…. Always sub-portive… Little Kaninchen
    LK@LittleKaninchen.com

    HUGS!

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  6. Believe me, you are not alone in despising those jokes. And I grew up in a house where my mother was in charge. That is not how it goes at our house. If you ask my almost 5 year old who is this boss at our house, she will answer “Daddy” or his first name every time. *hugs*

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  7. So I’m late reading this but I just want to also share that I have been the recipient of those nudges, comments, and eye winks. It hurt my feelings that people thought my husband submitted to me simply because he wanted me to be happy. I felt like it emasculated him and demeaned our relationship. When the chips were down, you can bet, HE was in charge. However, it wasn’t obvious to outsiders. Making a conscious shift to D/s makes me feel so much better but I dread being with MY mom who wears the pants in her marriage. She has never understood my desire to defer to my husband and this new level of submission would probably give her heart failure. To help me cope with some upcoming extended horror visits alone with her, he has given me some nightly rituals we will be following. I LOVE it! Although I am dreading her constant jibes, I look forward to our secret sexy time at night. I love Cailin’s idea for a custom necklace. The Vintage Pearl does some beautiful work in sterling and a charm that says NTB might be just a great little reminder. Hmmmm….might have to work on that myself. Thanks for articulating what seems to be a common theme for all of us.

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    • I’ve been letting a bit more slip out about how we function now. Just the tiniest bit, but the reactions I get from people is just crazy. Always ends with something like “But yeah, we all know you are still in charge”. I drop it, but I want to scream HELL NO! I am NOT THE BOSS! argh. I’m still searching for the perfect ‘not the boss’ bracelet. My neck is always occupied with one of two very short necklaces – the pearl is on my blog somewhere, and the wolf. I need a NTB bracelet though.

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      • I always start my conversation with my mother with, “let me check with xxx,” then listen to her sigh and tell me to hurry and let her know something. Thankfully we live thousands of miles apart. I work too much to do much with friends so I’m fairly safe there. Church is a big hurdle, like Elle mentioned. It is discouraging sometimes, and I would rather not be there but my sir likes it so we go.

        How crafty are you? I have seen sterling silver blank cuff bracelets online that’s were under $20 each. If you have a metal stamping kit, you could make a super cute bracelet that says NTB.

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  8. I’ve been a church-going girl for a long, long time. Raised a Catholic and went to mass. Gave my heart to Jesus at 21 and started attending a non-denominational church. Met my husband and together we got involved in church leadership. We’ve been active members and have washed dishes, cleaned, set up chairs, put together holidays and events, fund-raised, sat on boards, taught newlyweds and children, and were even Associate Pastors. Do you know that at every single level the leadership of every single church we EVER attending deferred to ME about about every single thing to do with them? Any time I told them they needed to ask my husband they were always shocked. Most of the time I made all the arrangements and told him about it after the fact. I never saw submissive women. Women ran the church, and where we were, the Head Pastor’s wife was really in control. Shameful! A little over a year ago it all started changing. I can’t tell you how many arguments we have gotten into about church activities. Sir said “enough” and we started withdrawing from our positions at church. Anytime someone wanted something I told them point blank to ask my husband. They really didn’t like it! Too bad! We are so much happier now. I really love serving. If we can find a church that respects my submission we’d attend in a heart-beat. Until then, we teach our children at home and are giving them a true biblical example. The world is hard enough. Can’t I at least have some submissive solace at church?

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