Thinking [fear] Thursday

Fear and I go way back.

In my head, fear and worry are nearly indistinguishable.  I’ve always been a worrier.  Even as a very young child, I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I truly believed that the moment I stopped thinking and worrying about a particular thing, that horrible thing would soon happen.  (Oh wait, a few times it did!) So… as long as I was still worrying and thinking, everything would be okay.  As I grew up I started to recognize that is a silly concept, but that bizarre line of thinking still holds me captive.  In fact, it wasn’t until fairly recently that I realized maybe this is a tad self-destructive.

I have no time to delve into the great unknown of my inner-workings, but I would like to attempt to relate this to my submission and my D/s relationship.  Sometimes I feel like I’m not very good at being a submissive.  That is a weird thing to say because I know in my heart I AM submissive, so how could I not be good at something I simply AM?! I could go on for days about the reasons, but ultimately, I think what it boils down to is… FEAR.

When I am afraid, I become, to my way of thinking, overly needy and emotional…and that makes me rather angry.  I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want Sir to grow weary of my constant need for reassurance and attention, I don’t want Sir to scrap this dynamic, I don’t want Sir to leave, etc., etc.  I become so fearful and worried that I get angry – I cry, I fight my submissiveness tooth and nail, I try to hide, I act out.  I’ve written about this many times.  Until today, when I read this post, it never really clicked that the root cause is fear.  AHA!

Wouldn’t you know, I am still waiting for the bottom to fall out.  As long as I keep worrying, everything will be okay.  RIGHT?!  *rolls eyes* Maybe you can understand that, but if you can’t, please imagine for a moment what it feels like.  There is no rest, there is no calm, there is really no peace… because that guard cannot be let down, EVER. (These days, I do have quite a bit of calm and peace (so no need to worry!!), but there was a time I had none and didn’t tell a soul.)  It is a stupid, wasteful way to live a life.  I see that.  My Husband most definitely sees that. He is the one that calms me and takes away the worry – even if just moments at a time.  I like to think I’ve gotten much better and I will continue to work on just BEING.

So today, as I’m thinking about fear, I am also extremely thankful to my Husband/Sir because He pushes me to get past things and to be a better submissive…wife…person. With Him, there is no need for fear (except the yummy kind!) and I will do my best to keep that in the forefront of my mind.

I’ll end this on a random high note… I’m in a great mood and have a few very lovely bruises on my inner thighs from last night.  Maybe I’ll tell you about it later.  😉 Happy Thursday!!

For more cohesive reading on worrying/fear/anxiety, this article is pretty interesting.

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16 thoughts on “Thinking [fear] Thursday

  1. Love your thoughtful Thursday posts! This one in particular! Fear, self doubt…they are weeds…needing to be plucked from my life!
    Oh I hope you do tell about your lovely thighs…er…uh…bruises! Hehehe!

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      • Some weeds just go deeper than others and no matter how hard you pull they just hang on. Yes…so much work. I’ve been thinking about this fear thing the last two days and its very intrusive. At the base of any of my vanilla reactions is fear….hmm….so much to think about.
        Oh I look forward to reading about your……thighs!

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      • That’s it. No matter what I think the reason for my vanilla reaction – if I dig enough – fear is at the bottom. That’s huge to deal with…such an eye-opener for me.

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      • I’m going to go out on a limb on this one, but I don’t think I’m far off the mark. I totally get it when you say that it’s not as easy as simply pulling out the weeds or just determining for yourself that the past is the past and that you have nothing to fear anymore and to move on into the future.I think there are fears that border on for be a and I’ll be a if not treated that way. As a matter of fact, a phobia is treated by facing the phobia head on in an extreme situation and realizing that the earth did not crumble and you survived it. You hear psychiatrists doing this all the time to get people over their fear of heights or snakes. I’m going to talk to my Sir about this to see if he has any ideas for me.

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  2. I’m always trying to get over my fears and not let them control me (that’s my husband’s job!), but I’m not always very successful at it. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with fear.

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  3. Shy,
    Keep building your foundation. Keeping bringing the communication to your Sir. DOWNTIME… Every night if you need to. I remember I got fearful about the time I was feeling that my Sir’s training wheels are supposed to be coming off and he was about to take the reins on our dynamic. I was fearful that he may not keep the atmosphere D/s…. That it may not stay consistent. I began asking him every night he was home, asking him for his Dominance and him keeping the atmosphere. He committed to it and built his Dom… Built the foundation and now those fears have diminished… Yeah, every once in a while fear tries to creep in but it is stomped out by our actions his Dom and my sub… using your word “stomp”….
    A lot of the time about the time there’s a breakthrough these things come up…. So give him your fear and talk to him honestly about exactly what is behind it….. Ask him to commit…. again…
    When you hear that commitment again… it will clear the fog… Best Wishes….
    Great post,

    Little Kaninchen

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    • Thank you. I will say that I have been much more at ease since we started with D/s. I am wired to worry and fear… No amount of telling me to do those things has ever helped because it is simply how I’ve always thought. But…I am trying to reroute my brain…stomping it out…giving it to Sir. A vocal daily appreciation & request for His dominance is a fantastic idea…

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  4. Ladies …fear is only a word that you make powerful when you let it run your life. You are the foundation… you can build it with strength or weaken it by not having strength and belief in what you do. Being submissive is strength in it self and more powerful by just letting yourself be you. You hold the power inside yourself… so have faith in yourself, trust yourself, and your Dom. The past is the past! Your life now is different it made you the person that you are…a mother, a wife, a friend, and a submissive. Life isn’t perfect ladies and D/s can not change your past. It can only strengthen your weaknesses and we will make mistakes and learn from them and that is how we grow stronger in ourselves. Remember D/s – M relationship has two foundations yours and your Doms they both need to be strong to grow together in our roles in the relationship….you rely on each other to build that circle and when you believe in your part and in the relationship the foundation becomes strong. And ladies that’s when it becomes one foundation! Do not let fear guide you…let what you believe and want your life to be guide you…. that is your strength!

    Lts♥

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    • I agree wholeheartedly, Lt. For me, the fear and worry has just ALWAYS been there, for no particular reason, it just IS. Now, my issue is learning how to retrain my brain. The D/s dynamic has definitely helped, my Husband has always helped. Honestly, telling myself (or others telling me, as they have my whole life) not to worry or be afraid makes it worse. Now, I just want to give it up to Sir completely and grow and really change my wiring…

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