We have been living D/s full time since June of 2013, we were working up to it since late fall 2012. When I say full time, I mean just that. D/s is not a bedroom activity for us, it is the new foundation of our marriage. Of course, D/s is expressed in the bedroom (often and very well), but that is not our focus. If we have a problem or are just angry and upset, we do not step out of D/s to negotiate and fix it. I’m not even sure how we would do that anyway – call a time-out where He was not Dominant and I not submissive – I just don’t understand that. We aren’t taking on Dominant and submissive ROLES, we are Dom and sub, therefore we cannot circumvent the dynamic.
In our relationship, I am
allowed expected to communicate any problems, worries, or feelings I have as soon as possible. That has always been the case in our nearly 17 years together – the difference now is the manner in which I am expected to speak. No longer can I let my temper get the better of me. No longer am I allowed to speak disrespectfully or yell or throw a fit. If I do these things, I have very clear-cut consequences. It would NEVER be acceptable to say “I am pissed off and right now I am not your submissive, I want to handle this outside of our D/s dynamic”. My Husband would probably laugh and say “good luck with that”. When He embraced His Dom, he REALLY embraced it. He let the Dom out and let it rule. I would think it highly disrespectful to request that be put aside to discuss why I’m upset. If Sir came to me and said He was angry but wouldn’t discuss it with me as Dom to sub, I’m sure I would be utterly devastated and confused. So, none of that!
Everything we do – from parenting the kids, to shopping for groceries, to hashing out a misunderstanding – is done within the framework of D/s. Why? Why do we not take a break? Because this is who we are. Simply put, if we cannot handle ALL of life within this dynamic then it wouldn’t really be the right path for us.
I am aware that everyone’s relationship is different. If you step outside your dynamic and it is working, more power to you. If you only like D/s in the bedroom, good for you! I would not expect anyone to run their marriages, lives, or D/s like we do. We are still finding out what works for us in this D/s dynamic and I imagine we always will be tweaking and changing things… that’s what makes life great. But as of now, we are D/s 24/7… full steam ahead.