Thinking [humble] Thursday

For the past few weeks, my brain has been overloaded trying to understand motives.  After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that 1) these things are not for me to understand, 2) actions really do scream louder than words, thus making motives inconsequential, and 3) drama is for the birds, mostly because birds kind of freak me out.  Since I am long out of middle school, I shall put my head on straight and not partake in the antics.

knowledgearrogance

Back to that at the end, for now let’s get on with it!
You probably already know today is Thursday, but that just dawned on me – here’s what I’m thinking about (c’mon, I know you’ve been waiting all day to see what’s banging around in my silly little head):  humility, but specifically the word humble.

The freedictionary.com has the definition as follows:

hum·ble
adj.  hum·bler, hum·blest
1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.

2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.

I put the second meaning in bold, because that is the aspect I want to delve into a little bit.  If you recall, I have a bit of a mouth on me and can be as stubborn as mule.  It’s true – I am a mouthy, stubborn, submissive wife. I’m not very proud of it and I try very hard to use my brain before my mouth, but I still struggle.  I’ll own it: I can be very difficult.  I hesitate to put this here, I’m sure there are those that cannot fathom that I am submissive AND stubborn and mouthy.  Judge if you must, but I am what I am – a real person, with real issues, and real challenges – I refuse to sugarcoat it.  Okay, back to it – I’m mouthy with my Sir on occasion and I am told to humble myself.  Many days my task list includes practicing the humble position (I tried to find a picture, but cannot).  For a long while, I only had a general idea of what being humble actually means.  I am not overly prideful and I am definitely not arrogant – I was more than a little confused about why He consistently used that word.  He would explain, but I’d get so hung up on the actual word that the meaning got a little lost.  So, of course I Googled it!!

“Showing submissive respect” finally hit home in my overactive noggin!  Every single time I open my mouth, I should be humble.  Every action I make should be humble.  I should always, always show my Sir submissive respect. So… when my Sir tells me to humble myself, he is reminding me to show him that respect.  He is reminding me to remember my place and station in this relationship.  When He has me practice the humble position, He is really telling me to devote time to thinking about how to keep my mouth, thoughts, and actions in check. He is trying to help me avoid my runaway mouth and to focus on Him.

Every day, I try to be more mindful of my humility, I try to make sure everything I do is with a humble frame of mind.  Do I succeed all the time?  Oh my goodness, NO!  I have really bad days where I get caught up in my disappointing mouth and attitude – let’s not forget that they had free reign for 35 years, and those behaviors are a weird sort of comfort zone for me, even thought it’s not really comfortable at all.  BUT!  I have increasingly more days where I am humble, where I am so very happily humble, and THAT is worth every misstep I make and why this path works so well for us.

I wonder if being humble is part of any other submissive’s daily vocabulary?  I wonder if people had a greater sense of humility, would a lot of drama be avoided?  I wonder if I will ever stop having those outbursts?  I have to stop all that wondering and focus more on being humble because that is where I find my happiness.

greatandnoble

~ shygirl

 

 

 

 

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Thinking [genre] Thursday

Back when I was a working girl, I worked in three different record stores.  The stores did not carry records, they had CDs and cassettes, and quickly the cassettes went away.  I just like saying record store better than music store, or worse CD store, though you may call them what you like.  If you’ve ever been to record store, you will know that there is a LOT of organization involved.  Music is broken down into genres, and each of those sections alphabetized.  Within the first few months of working in this environment, even though only 16, I realized two things:  First, people tend to get way too hung up on labels.  Second, I thought the entire store should be alphabetized together, not broken into genres, and especially no sub-genres.  Oh, you know I will elaborate…

cdstore

Labels…
I cannot even begin to tell you how many people would come in, look for an artist and not be able to find them.  These customers inevitably came to me for help.  I would take them to the section and pull out the CD, at which point they would look at the genre heading of the section and say some variation of “OH, never mind, I thought that artist was Rock”.  I would be left mentally stuttering, gagging, eye-rolling… while outwardly maintaining my pleasant disposition, of course!  The close-mindedness of these people left me speechless.  They came into the store loving an artist, wanting to spend $16 on a CD and then would LEAVE empty-handed when said artist didn’t fit into their idea of music.  REALLY?!  Now, I know we all get hung up on labels and genres.  I know we’ve all had that perfect product that has inspired brand loyalty (just look at Android vs. iPhone – folks get serious about their choices), but to eschew music you actually ENJOY because it doesn’t fit into a specific category?!  I draw the line there.  I really do.  If someone tells me… “I like country music, only country music, always country music”… I know immediately we won’t be good friends.  Though not my favorite, I have nothing against country music; I do have a lot against such narrow-minded ideas. Ugh! Are you guys still with me?  How about a more personal tale…

I am a huge fan of punk, so much so that when people ask me what my favorite kind of music is, for simplicity, I automatically reply punk.  My all-time favorite band is NOFX, followed by Bad Religion, Green Day, Millencolin, etc… BUT!!  Do NOT put me in that punk box and lock me away because I am just not having it… I like rap(!), rock, metal, techno, alternative (which is probably THE most ridiculous genre ever labeled), folk, bluegrass, country, grunge, classical, blues, big band… and everything around and in between).  I do not care if you like the music I do, or if you tease me for liking it, or if you feel that I cannot possibly be a true fan of anything, if I like everything… I like what I like because, to my ears, it is good music.  Genres hold no weight with me, even though, to some extent I am forced to function with them.  More on that momentarily.

punkgirl

Eradicating Genres…
The benefit to getting rid of genres is twofold.  First, it would simplify the whole alphabetizing process immensely!  More importantly, people would not worry about where the artist they like is categorized, so they would not feel unfaithful to their preferred genre.  Customers would constantly see different artists – Green Day would be next to Pat Green – and more likely than not, would venture out into unchartered musical territories.  If that had happened, the world would be full of so many more well-rounded people. I firmly believe that if you can relate to rap and punk and country, you can relate to all sorts of people!

Shygirl!  This is such a long-winded post, what does this have to do with D/s?!  Oh, friends, it has everything to do with D/s!  D/s, of course, is a label, but I understand the need for it.  It is a way of life for some (like me) – almost up there with religion – so we use it to distinguish ourselves from others that aren’t on this path. I use it, mainly, to distinguish our dynamic now from our dynamic before. I will tell you what I don’t like… the term ‘vanilla’.  I am very guilty of using it, of falling into the ‘vanilla’ trap, but it is not a positive or uplifting word. Think about it.

Most of us have real lives.  I have three children, a house, pets, a Husband that works, bills to pay, mouths to feed, laundry to do… ‘vanilla’.  I have REAL emotions – anger, sadness, frustrations, happiness, annoyance, impatience… ‘vanilla’.  Please tell me why my life should be thrown into a negative category?!  I am a very happy girl, have a wonderful life, and because Sir and I have the dynamic that we do, NOTHING is so-called ‘vanilla’. Here’s a mind-blower –  I happen to like vanilla!!  I like living a full life, I like vanilla ice cream, my favorite scent is vanilla and always has been.  I like the fact that through all of this life that goes on, my Husband is my Sir, my Dom – even in the most ‘vanilla’ of our interactions, none of that changes.  I wrote about that the other day.  We are 24/7, there are no time-outs, but there are no time-outs in life either.  Vanilla should not be a bad word.  Vanilla is sweet and delicious and smells divine.  To the popular way of thinking, ‘vanilla’ is real LIFE so maybe we should turn it around and put it in a more positive light.  D/s isn’t about rough and tumble all the time – most of the time, especially if you do it 24/7, D/s is sweet and comfortable, a warm vanilla latte for your soul.

hotlatte

Take the vanilla back!  Down with vanilla!  Down with labels!  Down with genres!  Down with the majority!
I got carried away there – take vanilla back and don’t feel bad that you have a life!
Life is sweet, D/s is sweet, oh hey!, Vanilla is sweet, too!!

How do you feel about ‘vanilla’?  Feel free to let me know.

I leave you with a punk-rock salute.  \m/
Happy Thinking Thursday!!
~shygirl

Follow Me

Big thanks to Girl on Fire for her post yesterday, it remindeded me that I needed to look for something in my text history…

Last January was a little crazy, mostly in my head.  I was trying with all my might to begin this D/s.  My Husband, of course, was being methodical and slow in His learning and embracing of the dynamic.  I was desperately wanting to charge full-steam-ahead, but so very scared – it led to many tearful talks, many emails, many texts, many more not-so-tearful talks.  I found hope and promise in the smallest of things, I would latch on to scraps just to have something to build on.

One year ago, on January 14, 2013, my Husband sent me a text that included only the link to these lyrics.  I read it with tears in my eyes, then watched the video, then read the lyrics again (and then a few more times).  In my eyes, that began the transition from Husband to Sir, and even though it was many months before we fully incorporated D/s into the whole of our lives, I view this song as a turning point and it holds a special place in my heart.

~shygirl

Follow Me by Muse

When darkness falls
And surrounds you
When you fall down
When you’re scared
And you’re lost. Be brave
I’m coming to hold you now
When all your strength has gone
And you feel wrong
Like your life has slipped away

Follow me
You can follow me
And I will not desert you now
When your fire’s died out
No one’s there
They have left you for dead

Follow me
You can follow me
I will keep you safe
Follow me
You can follow me
I will protect you

I won’t let them hurt,
they’re hurting you, no
Ooh yeah
When your heart is breaking

You can follow me
You can follow me
I will always keep you safe
Follow me
You can trust in me
I will always protect you, my love
Feel my love
Feel my love