…and she qualifies!

Definition:
qualify:  make (a statement or assertion) less absolute; add reservations to.

I qualify most everything.  Seriously, almost every decent thing I say about myself is accompanied with fine print.  A little something like this:

“Here’s a photo – ignore my __________ (insert issue of the hour).”

“Great photo!!!  Too bad I’m in it.”

“I love this product, but I’m odd so….”

“I wrote this, but please skip over any errors, I was [tired, distracted, busy].”

“I like playing _______, sorry I suck.”

“Oh, you enjoyed dinner?  I’m glad because I messed up __________ .”

When I notice this happening multiple times each day, I become a little sick with myself… and quite a bit sad, too.  Not to even mention how annoying this must be to those around me.  ACK!  I try to rein it in, but I just cannot accept a compliment without trying to disprove it.  I also do not like the idea of anyone thinking I am bragging or LOOKING for a compliment.  *shudder*

I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember, but only recently has it begun to bother me. Only since the implementation of a D/s dynamic has it even crossed my mind that all this qualifying might not be a good thing.  So, why do I do it?  I suppose it all boils down to self-esteem.  Mine has always been pretty low.

Even though…

My Husband has always tried His best to help boost my esteem, but since adding Sir to His list of titles, the efforts have been more…serious, demanding, forceful.  I’d like to think I’ve gotten some bit better.  I, at least, have moments where I feel pretty good about me.

And then there’s the fact that these last few months, my sweet, sexy Cailin has seen so much of me and has told me many of the same things my Sir has been saying for 17 years.  [I need to just pause this post for a moment to let that sentence resonate.  It’s mind-blowingly big!]  So, truly, I should be cured, right?  I have confidence now, my self-esteem is no longer warped, and I don’t feel compelled to qualify everything, right?!

W.R.O.N.G.

Now… mostly… I just think TWO people are crazy or blind!  😉  kidding.  My self esteem is a bit better – or is that my will power?  I try to ignore the bitch in my head constantly criticizing my thighs, my face, my voice, my self. Some days I do a GREAT job, other days she just yells too loudly.  I think the good days are beginning to outnumber the critical days, but I still cannot get away from qualifying everything.

Why?

Using qualifiers and disclaimers is maybe one of the last walls I have left standing.  It is a nice protective shell around my feelings.  Because… if I point out my obvious flaws (whether they are there or not is a post unto itself) before others have a chance to… NO ONE CAN HURT ME!  TaDaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Since this whole D/s thing entered my life, I have been knocking down walls left and right – some happily and some with many tears.  I have opened up in ways I never thought possible.  I have grown as a better wife, submissive, mom… hell, I’m a much better person than I was this time last year. My Sir has ALWAYS been my world and we have had such a happy, sex-filled, wonderful life together – D/s has just made everything brighter and much more focused.  We are home.

I still have quite a bit of fine-tuning to do – lots of things to work on!  But if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living so I’m happy to keep laboring away.  So!  Today is the day that I will try to stop qualifying my words, thoughts, pictures, life.  Maybe it will be okay – from time to time – for the people in my life to know I’m actually NOT horrible at everything, that my thighs are NOT as big as a cow’s, and that the food I make is sometimes really good.

Happy Saturday, Happy Weekend, Happy Life!

~shygirl

This post was originally intended to be a Thursday post, but it was more exploratory than I realized and I’ve worked through some things while writing it. I think an under-the-radar slide into Saturday is the better way to go.

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17 thoughts on “…and she qualifies!

  1. Shygirl, you probably wrote a post that many of us could be the authors of here. You speak from my heart girl! 😀 I have tried very hard to begin to look at myself as my Sir sees me. I’ve lost a ton of weight, I’m feeling better, and I have been able to cure some of my thinking. It takes time, but worth the fight to make it happen. Keep working at it, and besides the extra loving attention we get from our loving subbie best friends helps move mountains of that negitive self esteem too! ;D

    Hugs, Mynx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will keep working…it’s difficult, but when I see glimpses of how Sir sees me, it is a good feeling that I’d like more of. Yes…those subbie best friends are miracle workers!

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  2. My sweet Shygirl,
    I know you don’t want a bunch of compliments, but I’m in the know ; ) so I get to give them anyway! Although I totally get it and use them myself, you need no qualifiers….

    You are a beautiful person, inside and out! Your words and your spirit drew me in first. In so many ways you just….got it/me. Then my eyeballs popped out of my head like that whistling cartoon wolf when I first saw you! I was like…..”DAMN she’s gorgeous” (Seriously, I showed that first pic to my Sir and said those exact words to him)! I’m glad those walls are coming down! My smart, funny, sexy girlfriend….You. ROCK! In so many ways!
    *Hugs and kisses

    Liked by 1 person

    • You have my rambling self at a loss for words. Other than my Sir, no one has ever said such nice things (or seen as much of me in 17 years!). So as much as I want to argue and dispute…I will simply say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
      You should already know I feel so completely the same. There was such a ‘click’ with your words & outlook, I felt an instant connection. Once I saw you, I was smitten. 🙂 Beyond thankful to have you in my life, my beautiful girlfriend…and sprinkles. ❤

      Like

  3. I agree with Mynx that so many of us could write these words. Only we can make it better though and I’m glad you’re taking the demons out into the light and letting them go.
    Much love. XXXX

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  4. So I had this tucked away to post as a future ‘Tis-ism, but… well, here you go girl.

    “the best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others” author unkown

    As a fellow qualifier, (what never met a hypocrite before? 😉 ) I *TRY* to live by this sentiment. I’m not always successful, but it does help to think of the quote above when I find myself in a rut.

    xo

    Like

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