Hey! Today is Thursday! I’ve missed my weekly ponderings some bit. I’ve been thinking and pondering, but I haven’t felt like writing. As I sit here tonight, lonely, on my bed (hiding from the children) I am thinking about my life, my feelings, my best friend, my dreams, my goals… and my Sir.
I’ve given Sir a hard time lately. Not intentionally… there have just been quite a few emotions getting the better of me. Tears fall with predictable frequency, which, quite frankly, irritates me to no end. When you add that irritation to the sad to the crazy-happy, well, it’s just a lot to process.
I’m not always very good with the communication (yes, still!) so I recently sent my Sir a rambling email in an attempt to work out a particular issue we (just my issue, actually) were having. I tried a different approach and ASKED if I could send an email. I got the go-ahead and the words poured out. My brain ran away and my fingers just typed, not bothering to pause or contemplate the cohesiveness of my words. I didn’t proofread it. Once it was finished, I decided it would just stand as written because it was unfiltered honesty, a real glimpse into the jumbled depths of my mind and fears. I sent the email, never expecting much of reply because I wasn’t sure I even made sense, much less wrote anything worthy of acknowledgement.
I received a reply within a couple of hours… and not just a few words. Sir sent me a long reply and said all the things I didn’t even know I needed to hear. You know me, I plan on keeping all the goodness close to the vest… I am selfish like that. But I’ll tell you some of what he didn’t say.
He didn’t say I am a mess.
He didn’t say I am broken.
He didn’t say I am too much work.
He didn’t say I want for too much.
He didn’t say I am crazy.
He didn’t say I am not good enough.
He didn’t say I am a bad submissive/wife.
He didn’t say I should keep things to myself.
He didn’t say I should feel differently.
He didn’t say I should change (much).
He didn’t say I should be someone else.
He didn’t say I should give up.
While the words are lovely to hear, to read…I really do hold them dear to my heart (and save them in a special folder)… sometimes it’s the things that aren’t said that speak the loudest.