figure it out

These days I often wonder, ‘What the fuck am I doing?!’


I wonder about everything and nothing…
What the fuck am I doing with my hair?
What the fuck am I doing as a parent?
What the fuck am I doing for dinner?
What the fuck am I doing as a wife?
What the fuck am I doing today?
What the fuck am I doing as His sub?
Just an all-encompassing WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!

Some days I can answer with a ‘who knows, but you’re doing okay’. Other days, I can answer with ‘not sure lady, but you should step it up’. Then there are the days when the only answer I can summon is a very tearful ‘I don’t fucking know’.


Today is that day. I just don’t fucking know. I know what I WANT to be doing, I know how I WANT to be… but I’ve dropped the ball and I have no clue where it rolled off to. I do know I’m sick to death of feelings that are beyond my control.


And I’m so very tired of not being able to keep my head above water.


Tomorrow is a new day, but this day isn’t done. I still have time to figure out what the fuck I’m doing… So I will get to it.

“so if you’re lonely, why’d you say you’re not lonely…?”


3 thoughts on “figure it out

  1. You should know you aren’t alone…in this, or in life.

    I think we need to clink glasses (or big plastic cups with giant straws;)) Heres to figuring it out! Or not….sometimes its okay to not know….and just have a drink! LYM.


  2. When I get to the point I just don’t know anything anymore, I know a good change is just around the corner. Surrender is good, as long as you realize that surrender does not mean giving up, but stepping aside to allow things to work without gumming up the works… 🙂


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