Some things are forever and you just know, from the very first spark, that it will just always be. When you find those things, those people, you only need to recognize it for what it is. It is forever. My Sir… He is that, we are that. Despite my numerous insecurities, I know it to be true.
The flipside of that beautiful piece of certainty is the fact that
some most things just are not meant to last.
That is a lesson learned pretty early in life, I think. Beloved pets die. The best toys get broken. Favorite trinkets become lost.
For some, that lesson is just a fleeting blip on the way edge of the radar. For others, it hits a little harder, and evolves into an ever-present worry. Constant anticipation and anxiety, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Because drop, it does.
It always drops.
Sooner or later, that last fucking shoe hits the ground and crushes everything in it’s path… hopes and dreams…the whole shebang.
Knowing things don’t last, knowing the other shoe wil drop… What do we do with that information?! What the hell can we do?!
I’m beginning to think there are only two choices:
We can worry and hunker down, waiting and wondering when it’ll be over. Biding our time until the good turns to shit.
Or we can squeeze every drop of blood out of this life and hope that it is enough to cling to when everything goes up in flames. Just enjoy the good moments, never giving thought to the inevitable end.
Which do I choose? Ha! Like I can make a decision! Please! I vacillate between them both. Bouncing from one end of the spectrum to the other. Overcome with worry, then ignoring everything but the present moment.
It’s rather exhausting.
Today, I am feeling a sad, resigned worry. A gnawing, heavy worry.
But in true Gemini form, I am also feeling an overwhelming sense of reverence and gratefulness for the things I know to be steady and solid.
And to my Sir… Thank you for knowing just what I need, even when I don’t have a clue.