… and then there were five

We played a game the other night, Sir and I. A D/s board game, in fact. It was actually super fun and not nearly as cheesy as I thought it’d be.


There were massages and toys and shows and roleplay and bondage. Seriously fun stuff!! There were also some tasks that really pushed my limits… in a good, if not shy, anxiety-inducing, sort of way.

There was one card that instructed me to take three minutes to write down my hard limits. It didn’t take me even half the time, and when I was done, there were only FOUR things written. Four!

I was pretty damn pleased with myself! In fact, I’ve been walking around the past several days actually proud that I’ve grown and come to terms with a lot of my hangups. Because… FOUR! Dude, four is such a small list you don’t even need to put it on paper! Go me!

<iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/9ZL27Aiw9_I&#8221; frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

Bwaaaaahahahahaha! I should have known better!!
Just call me backslider, because today, I added number five to the list. Sigh.
I am none to happy about this little addition, and normally I’m very fond of math.
I feel quite let down (by me).
I feel like maybe I’ve let Sir (and others) down a little, too.
I feel like maybe I’m moving in the wrong direction.
I feel like a loser, a baby, a failure.

At the same time… I wonder… could this ‘devolution’ mean I am understanding myself better? Feeling more confident, even, in recognizing what I can and cannot do?

You see… there are many times in my daily life, when I keep quiet because I don’t want to be the “spoiler of all the things”. I try to push myself because that’s the thing to do, that’s how a person grows. No one wants to be the one against the grain, day in and day out. I am that girl so often, about so many things and it is really tiring. Is it possible that defining a new hard limit is a way to grow as well? Hell, it sounds backwards, but I don’t even know.

And what about my hard limits?

Thought I had four… And then there were five.



One thought on “… and then there were five

Tell me something

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s