been a year…

This post was meant to be published last week. Right as I was hitting the button, I got a not-so-good feeling, a nagging feeling. I had a little thought, that turned into a bigger thought, that turned into millions of thoughts, that turned into a bit of a crisis.
I sort of tried to worked through the crisis with the help of Sir, and Cailin, and yesterday’s post, though I wreaked some havoc along the way. Even now, five days later, I’m still not entirely settled. I still feel the way I feel. Sigh. I’m sure all of you aren’t surprised!
I don’t enjoy this way I’m feeling, in fact, I don’t like feeling much at all. So! Feelings be damned! Maybe the best way to deal with the issues I am having is just to laugh in spite of them and say fuck it, it means nothing anyway.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Fuck it.
Here is the original silly post, crisis-catalyst picture and all:

I got these boobs of mine a year ago!!
I’d post a before picture…but… no, no I wouldn’t. Nobody needs to see that!


It has been a journey that I wasn’t quite expecting or prepared for. A test in strength and patience and endurance. A challenge to my high pain tolerance. An emotional roller coaster.

Most days, I still don’t think of these boobs as mine, but more like separate entities. Maybe that will go away, maybe it won’t. One day, maybe the random pains will completely disappear too. Perhaps the scars will fade even more. Who knows!?

What I do know is this…
I have no regrets. Not a single one.

I am thankful for my boobs, but even more thankful for Sir. The upgrade had been long time coming and He made it happen. He helped me more than I could ever express… Not just with the initial recovery, but with the extreme emotions, the continuing pain, the fear, the exercise trauma, on and on. His patience and understanding held me up when I wanted to fold. He is my tree, my charger. I am forever grateful and forever His, so I guess these boobs are His as well. 😉

Happy first Birthday to my/Sir’s boobs!
( * ) ( * )


I did it!! That was the post, nothing special, but the beginning of a major crisis. Let the pieces fall where they may because I still feel the same.

Happy Tuesday.
Just keep swimming.

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