There is a meeting at my son’s school monthly, for dads and kids. Sir and son always go and I recently asked the boy what his favorite part is. Is it hanging out with his dad? No. Is it listening to the message? No. The prizes? No. Then what?! Why does he drag my Sir to 6:45 am meetings?
“Mom. I do it for the donuts.”
Well that was an honest answer, if I’d ever heard one! I laughed and laughed. Who wants donuts so early anyway? We don’t deprive the children of the occasional donut treat! But it got me thinking…
…meanwhile… I’ve read quite a number of posts lately about writing – the motivation, the process, the whys and the hows. I’ve read some that resonated and a few that didn’t. My bgff even wrote one recently. Well, that got me thinking some more (uh oh, I know)… why do I write? But more specifically than that, why do I BLOG? Am I doing it for the donuts??!!
I have always written. I began as a child and never stopped. Poetry, stories, journals of sorts. I’ve written to sort my feelings. I’ve written as a form of self-soothing. I’ve written to work out problems. I’ve written just to release thoughts and ideaa into the world. I’ve written to laugh, to cry, to scream. I’ve written to understand and to be understood.
I blog because… Hmmm. This is where it gets tricky. I’ve had a few blogs on different sites, different names, different subjects, but this blog was started so I would not feel so alone, I suppose. I blogged to find a community, and support, as Sir and I were evolving into full-time D/s. It worked, mostly. I felt less weird and made some friends. As I took friendships out of WP and into real life, I began blogging (and reading) less. I didn’t feel the need to share with the world. I still wrote, just not as publicly. It waxed and waned. I still struggle with the sharing.
I’ll admit, just as on any social site, the likes and the comments fueled my fire a bit. Everyone wants some sort of approval, to strike a chord, to have someone, especially those close to you, say wow, good job. Do you see? Those accolades are the donuts!
I do not want to do it for the donuts! I do not EVER want to be that girl. I also don’t want to share too much or make things less special (that’s probably it’s very own post). I just want to talk it out, through written word. I want to maybe, perhaps, offer a little bit of insight for those feeling like I did those years ago. But most importantly, blogging is a semi-removed way to express my thoughts and feelings to a select few, especially Sir. Posts are a little safer for my heart, I can be more open with all the feelers, because it is just a dumb blog, after all. If I get a ‘like’ here and there, great. If not, that’s alright too.
And if I ever start simply doing it for the donuts, I’ll shut it down.