stress + D/s

I’ve done so many posts over the past months about all of the stress that’s been happening in and around me. So many things out of my control, out of Sir’s control, and then the heartbreak on top… Well, it’s really had me all twisted.


I’d love to say that I’ve handled it like a champ!
I’d love to say that I’ve rolled with punches!
I’d love to say that I haven’t let it invade every part of me.
I’d love to say those things, but we all know I can’t.

On one of the posts, someone asked if D/s has helped me handle it all. Without hesitation, I answered yes! Of course! And that’s true, but it got me thinking…

D/s is our everyday, our every moment. D/s is the foundation, the structure on which our relationship stands.
There are no breaks.
There are no time outs.
There is no “I’m not feeling subby today, so I won’t obey.”
Just like our marriage doesn’t stop, neither does the D/s dynamic.
So when there is stress piled on our shoulders, it affects our lives, therefore it affects D/s.
When there is hurt and anger, it affects our lives, therefore it affects D/s.
When I feel like a nothing, it affects our lives, therefore it affects D/s.
There is no division. D/s is now so very intertwined into everything there is just no way to isolate it.

The fact is, sometimes life is hard.
When the hard times barge in, the marriage, therefore the D/s, requires a helluva lot more effort. I’m not talking effort to stay together, or anything as drastic as that. I just mean it takes a much more concerted effort to keep the stress separate from the ‘us’.
Those days when I feel like a total failure at life – is it easy to be humble and to obey everything asked of me?
No! It is not.
It’s also not easy to hold a conversation, or leave the house, or even eat.
Those days when Sir works longer hours and I spend time hopping from one crisis to the next are killer.
I am awful at handling this much. I turn to Sir for His words and guidance and love and support. Sometimes I look to Him just to find my next breath. I’m lost, I tell Him. God, I have told Him that so much lately. Too much.

Has D/s made the stress easier to deal with, though?
Yes. I have never been so open and able to share. Sir listens to every rant, to every meltdown, to every choking sob, to every confused word out of my mouth. He forces helps me to let go but not give up.
But also, sometimes, No. You see pre-D/s I could hide. I would hole up in my head until I had it figured out. I could get angry and lash out. I could yell. I would behave like an ass.
(You guys, I don’t want to behave like an ass anymore, please don’t misunderstand. It’s just that spitting venom used to be an easy release.)
Our D/s requires me to be respectful and humble at all times, even when I’m confused or angry. Especially then, actually. That is a beautiful thing, but fuck if it isn’t hard.

So, does stress adversely affect our D/s? Hell yes. Stress is the ugliest bitch around. Stress affects everything.

Does our 24/7 D/s dynamic help to manage stress? Hell yes. D/s means we are open in all ways. Sharing the burden lightens the load.

Does my submissiveness take a backseat due to stress? No. However, at times, it takes much more effort to stay in the correct mindset. It can also be much more difficult for Sir to take me out of my head.

Does Sir’s dominance take a backseat due to stress? No. But I think I require more of everything, and that can be hard to understand and manage whilst all the stress is around.

I know there will always be stress and there will always be times when the stress seems more plentiful than anything else. That’s life.

But my life is also full of love and laughter. I do not exaggerate when I say that my Husband becoming my Sir was one of the best choices we have ever made. 24/7 D/s, our marriage, our love is so much stronger than any amount of stress.


I don’t know how other people handle stress. I hope most are better than me.


Here’s to a low-stress weekend.
Happy Friday. 🙂


4 thoughts on “stress + D/s

  1. I think the D/s makes us better. We are open and honest and therefore even during stress we are able deal with it a bit better because we communicate. YES it is so much easier to go with the anger over the pain. Expressing the pain resolves the issue faster than bottling it up and displaying anger.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just coming around from a nervous breakdown after four straight years of relentless stress. And every step of the way s and I took great care not to let communication slip. At this point, although the sources of stress have not magically disappeared, D/s has not only helped us through but our dynamic has grown even stronger.
    Although it’s tough to be a stern handed bitch when all you want to do is fall apart.
    And s has been wonderful about offering lots of little acts of defiance that required panties down and a few smacks, while avoiding disobedience that required extensive punishment.
    There’s an awful lot of strength in naughty little s.


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