free range sub

Just about every day, I get tasks from Sir. He will text me on our shared app and sometimes leave others written on the board in our closet.
They help me stay connected to Him while He’s working, but they also help keep my own head in the right frame of mind (which lately, if you haven’t guessed, is IMPERATIVE.)
These tasks include sexy things, usually a chore or two, maybe some photos, writing, and most always the rubber band.
Today is no different.
I received my list soon after He headed out.
Rubber band hourly. Check.
Write on wrist. Check.
Cuffs. Check.
Pictures. Check.
A little relief in my pants. Check.
But today there was no specific chore!
In fact, He said “straighten up, but don’t go overboard.”

Doesn’t He know that kind of task sometimes throws me for a loop! I know He has to say the overboard part, because my instinct is to always go overboard for Him. I want to please Him and I want Him to be proud of me. These past few months have been an emotional, stressful hell and I need my mind back on track! So overboard I go when He gives me a specific chore.

So when I read the text this morning, I started to panic:
What does straighten up mean?
Where should I straighten?
The entire house? That would probably be overboard.
In my empty home, out loud, I fussed and I whined.
Why the hell can He not just give me specific chores if He wants something done?!
I was starting to spin off into the endless possibilities…
But then I looked in front of me.

The product test craft was waiting for me on the table.
I was making my way through extra loads of laundry from the kids.
I have the taxes to work on.
A bathroom to clean.
Mondays usually require more house attention.
Plus I’m not feeling great.
Sir knew I was busy!
I am sure He didn’t want to overload me with instructions.
He is a kind man, my Sir.

So today, I have been a free range sub.
I have done things my way, on my schedule.
Craft made. Two, actually. Check.
Laundry complete. Check.
Lunch. Check.
Bathroom clean. Check.
Rugs vacuumed. Check.
Bicycle. On it now.

I wish I hadn’t thrown a little fit to myself when I got the list. I have done a lot, and Sir has guided me through it all, even though it may not seem like it. Today was a good day for me to be free range.

Here’s a little secret, though…
I like the specifics. I like my days tied up with things He’s told me to do. I like the tasks that force me to hustle to get them finished in time. I like checking things off of His list.

But I do appreciate the free range now and again.


just a little rant…

Every time I think… Oh I’ll write something about D/s or fucking or the lovely new paddle I burned for Sir… Some bullshit gets in the way.

Today it is my offspring.
More specifically, a few bad choices by one of my children.
Choices that may impact her for a while to come.

I’m pissed off and frustrated.
I have no friend to talk to anymore.
Oh I had lunch with a friend today, but I wouldn’t talk about this sort of thing with her.
I need a friend with an open mind, that will not judge me or my daughter.
Sir and I have discussed this, but on few occasions, there is nothing like a mother to commiserate with.
Sir is a lot of things, including a great father, but a mother he is not.
I need a mom friend.
One that’s not judge-y.
One that can understand when I say I want to beat my child’s ass, or that I want to run away from being a mom – that I’m just venting, and wouldn’t do those things.
A friend that can give me frank opinions and help me brainstorm ideas.
One that can be pissed off right along with me, but still recognize that my child is a lovely person despite some stupid actions.
A friend that understands the tears of a mother.
Does anyone like that even exist, I wonder?!

This is total crap.
I am so glad it is Friday, though.

Juicier posts coming soon…