Oh my gawd… yesterday sucked, y’all!!
I was so smad all day and I wallowed a good bit. You know, though, because I vomited the details all over my blog.
That wasn’t enough to get it out of my system, so I sent my Sir an email – and once I started typing to Him, I couldn’t stop.
I told Him all about my sadness, all the things I miss, all my fears, all my mistakes, all of the wrong choices.
I shouldered all of the blame (pretty sure that’s a bad habit) and apologized profusely – for things I feel and things totally beyond my control.
It was a long, tough, emotional email and by the end, I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. I sucked it up, though, and continued about my day.
When I got Sir’s reply, I was hesitant to read it. I had brought up some very intense ideas/questions and I was worried. It wasn’t until the solitude of my bathtub that I opened the email. The minutes ticked by, I had to read slowly because I cried so many more tears!
However…They were tears of relief and happiness and love!
He is a wonderful man, a loving Husband, and a very kind Sir.
He doesn’t think of me the way I’ve been thinking of myself. He doesn’t believe I am a failure. He explained the whys and the hows. He relayed, yet again, His views on the situation.
He said many things in the email, things I will hold close to my heart and not share here… but one thing tumbled through my brain all night and morning:
The brave are scared people too, they are just people who go ahead anyway.
Yesterday I didn’t feel very brave.
Yesterday I didn’t feel worthy of even Sir’s love.
Yesterday I thought I had ruined His life, my life, Our life, everyone’s life. (I know, Boohoo)
You folks here in blogworld, my blog friends, your comments lightened my thoughts. Please know I am so grateful!
Then Sir wrote life back into me and gave me just enough air so that I could reach the surface on my own.
Today I am still a little scared, still a bit unsure, still worried about some of the things. But I love hard and I am brave, so I’ll just forge on ahead.
And how did this long-winded girl reply to Sir’s email? Simply this, because, you know, tears…
“❤ You are good for my soul.”
And He is.