soul mail

Oh my gawd… yesterday sucked, y’all!!
I was so smad all day and I wallowed a good bit. You know, though, because I vomited the details all over my blog.
That wasn’t enough to get it out of my system, so I sent my Sir an email – and once I started typing to Him, I couldn’t stop.
I told Him all about my sadness, all the things I miss, all my fears, all my mistakes, all of the wrong choices.
I shouldered all of the blame (pretty sure that’s a bad habit) and apologized profusely – for things I feel and things totally beyond my control.
It was a long, tough, emotional email and by the end, I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. I sucked it up, though,  and continued about my day.
When I got Sir’s reply, I was hesitant to read it. I had brought up some very intense ideas/questions and I was worried. It wasn’t until the solitude of my bathtub that I opened the email. The minutes ticked by, I had to read slowly because I cried so many more tears!
However…They were tears of relief and happiness and love!
He is a wonderful man, a loving Husband, and a very kind Sir.
He doesn’t think of me the way I’ve been thinking of myself. He doesn’t believe I am a failure. He explained the whys and the hows. He relayed, yet again, His views on the situation.
He said many things in the email, things I will hold close to my heart and not share here… but one thing tumbled through my brain all night and morning:

The brave are scared people too, they are just people who go ahead anyway.

Yesterday I didn’t feel very brave.
Yesterday I didn’t feel worthy of even Sir’s love.
Yesterday I thought I had ruined His life, my life, Our life, everyone’s life. (I know, Boohoo)

You folks here in blogworld, my blog friends, your comments lightened my thoughts. Please know I am so grateful!
Then Sir wrote life back into me and gave me just enough air so that I could reach the surface on my own.
Today I am still a little scared, still a bit unsure, still worried about some of the things. But I love hard and I am brave, so I’ll just forge on ahead.

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And how did this long-winded girl reply to Sir’s email? Simply this, because, you know, tears…

“❤ You are good for my soul.”

And He is.

~shygirl

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9 thoughts on “soul mail

  1. This was wonderful to hear. Not the sad over whelmed part but that you got the negative thoughts out of your head for a bit. Honestly it is good to hear others struggle and know our worlds also after not rainbows and sunshine ask the time. Your Sir must love you so much. Hope all your fears work out quickly and peacefully. Hugs lovie.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I got a tiny little chill by your reply. Sigh…. I struggle with my submission on a daily basis, when my dear kind, strong Sir asks nothing more than I treat Him respectfully and nicely. WHY am I so mean… Ah, well… why am I even pouring out my innermost soul to you…?? I hope you are feeling better and having a wonderful weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wear a ring that to the outside world says “Love Life,” which is something I try really, really hard to do no matter what. But on the inside, where only I know it’s there, it says, “Be Brave.” And isn’t that the truth.

    I’ve been through something so similar, yet so different in many ways… and without my Sir, I’d have been lost (most likely still lost, as murky water seems to linger). Not because he holds my hand and guides me (although if that’s what I need, that’s what he’d do) but because he helps me clear the fog of my mind so that I can find my own way.

    So glad you’re feeling better. And giant *hugs*.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a great ring to wear!
      Oh yes…clearing the fog… I’ve needed both and Sir has given me the guidance and the clearing of the fog. It’s been such an all-affecting upheaval, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. So many conflicting thoughts, feelings, words inside my head. Hugs to you, too, for going through something similar.

      Like

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