thinking [casual] thursday

We are not fancy people, Sir and I.
No, we are more like the comfy jeans…or the soup…of humans.
I mean, we clean up really well and I do love to put on a fancy dress and stilettos, or skinnies and stilettos, or nice shorts and stilettos…oh wait… I was talking about something…
Ah, yes. We aren’t fancy.
Though I do like getting dressed up, I rarely have occasion to do so. I think the last time I put on heels was when a friend came to town a year and a half ago. Well, that’s the last time I left the house in 4″ heels, anyway. 😉

Okay so we aren’t fancy dressers, but that’s just clothes. We also aren’t fancy on the inside. We are not lazy or unmotivated – we are just… casual. Though we take plenty of things quite seriously, we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
So of course, we do D/s casually.
Are you confused? How can I say we are 24/7, that this is life, but also say we do it casually?!
Stay with me.
I don’t mean we are casual about D/s, like it is something iffy or wavering.
I mean, We are not high-protocol, because that would be entirely too fancy for us. We have rules and rituals, sure. We have structure to this dynamic.  But the best of structures allow for a bit of movement.
There are things that are simply fact:
He is Dom. I am sub.
He leads. I follow.
He is the Boss. I try super hard to obey.
I am well aware that if I break a rule, there will be a consequence. I need that, it makes me feel loved.
But… I have been known to push the limits, to behave in a way to simply illicit a reaction. Sometimes, it is cute and funny. Other times, not so much and there is big trouble.
I feel like, because we are casual people, the D/s dynamic has been folded right into our lives. We changed some mechanics of our relationship, but we, as people, stayed the same. (The essence of us, anyway. We gave both grown in so many ways!)
If we practiced high-protocol, I think we would both feel rather stifled and as if we were playing at a role. I would probably feel like I had to hide the real (cheeky, hilarious) me. I know I can be a bit much to handle, but I’m fairly certain Sir likes that about me. (Right?)

There was a time at the beginning of this D/s thing when I wished we were a bit more formal. I thought formality would make it more real, I guess. I thought that rigidity = control. I thought if what we were doing didn’t look like what I’d read, then we weren’t doing it right. I compared and contrasted entirely too much in those early days and I am here to tell you, I was wrong.
Dead. Wrong.

Sir and I are not fancy and neither is our D/s (or our marriage, for that matter). And that is okay!
Maybe we don’t look how people think a D/s relationship should look. Maybe we are far too silly. Maybe we are too casual. Perhaps it looks like we are too laid-back in this dynamic, even though we are quite committed to it as a way of life. Perhaps people question our 24/7-ness.
Maybe I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks!


I know who I am. I know who Sir is. I know what we are together. I know that our D/s is real 24/7, our marriage is real, our love is real.
We are not fancy, but this thing we have is so fucking solid! We didn’t have to choose. We can be 24/7 and still fly casual. (get that reference?)


Found on Pinterest

Happy Thursday!
This post has lived up to the name – I basically thought outloud on the screen as I typed in the dark. If you made it through, thanks!


8 thoughts on “thinking [casual] thursday

  1. You made it your own and that’s the way it should be. I wanted to be more formal too, at the beginning, wanted it to be done by the book. What we have now works perfectly well for us and I’m sure what you have works perfectly well for you. That’s all that matters. x


  2. I’m just new to this, still learning and working in figuring it out but I’m so glad you posted this. Every relationship is different. There is no cookie cutter mold thank God or life would be so boring! My husband wants D/s in the bedroom but is apprehensive about doing it 24/7 because he doesn’t want me to change. This post is a testament that I don’t have to 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Our D/s has changed us in some ways… For the better… But we are still both very silly and always laughing, joking, etc. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and that isn’t really portrayed in a lot of the D/s stuff to be found. 24/7 D/s should confirm to each person, not the other way around. Enjoy the journey!! Thanks for commenting. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s what I liked about reading on your blog -that you guys have maintained that silliness and fun and your original selves! We are the same, we like to be silly sometimes and I’m glad to see that doesn’t need to change.


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