old bridge new

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Standing on the bridge
We forgot where to go
You leapt off the edge
And hit the ocean floor

I sat down for a moment
Numb in disbelief
tears rose like the tide
Flooding into grief

Vision blurred and wavy
I struck the match but quick
Dropped it at my feet
Flames began to lick

Fire consumed the bridge
Feet rooted to the wood
I stood my ground and burned
The way I knew I should

My eyes closed in pain
Ready to succumb
Letting go of ghosts and such
Everything just numb

As soon as I gave up
The bridge crumbled down to sea
I fell into the salty water
With nothing to believe

My face broke the surface
I gulped in smoky air
Eyes frantically searching
Until I saw you there

On the shore you waited
Waving arms so lean
I treaded water calmly
Not sure what this could mean

In the middle of the ocean
I needed to get to land
But the bridge I burnt was gone
Too far a swim, the sand

Smoldering in the water
Were bits of our charred link
I hoisted onto the closest
And prayed it didn’t sink

Stepping ever lightly
I made my way to shore
Worried and elated
Not knowing any more

Finally I reached the ground
And simply said hello
Pain blurred into memory
Time began to slow

Catching up on all the things
Life could never cease
Shedding tears, cracking jokes
The words so much a feast

Never have I had to cross
A bridge I burned to ash
And though I couldn’t see a choice
Hindsight says ‘too rash’

Now I’m battle worn and burnt
Yet standing all the same
Building this on solid ground
Total honesty the frame.

~shygirl

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5 thoughts on “old bridge new

  1. So raw and poignant, Shy.

    It’s tough to swallow the giant, consuming feelings in the moment, to see over the bridge in those seconds and minutes. To feel the bottom fall out, whether it’s all in the thinking or not (generally for me it is).

    Sometimes feelings are irrational! That doesn’t make them any less valid, but I’ve definitely had to try to recognize my patterns (and so had M!), and see them for what they are. Usually, it’s my knee jerk assumptions based on feelings of unworthiness, fear of abandonment, or shame (including shame for feeling them!). The best part is, that as those patterns are recognized, they lose some of their strength and length. It’s okay to feel them, and move forward. And honesty and complete openness is why that’s possible!

    Although I may always feel them, maybe they will continue to have a lesser and lesser impact. I hope.

    The last stanza is my favorite!! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have knee-jerk reactions and feelings out the wazoo!! I’m not sure this particular bridge burning was knee-jerk, though… it felt like I was handed the match (kind of) but even still I feel I should’ve been stronger, bigger, more patient. Done bun can’t be undone, so this new bridge shall be much better! I hope I can learn and grow and be more confident in my feelings.

      Liked by 1 person

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