This is true much of the time, with a few exceptions. I do not doubt the love I feel for my little tribe, I do not doubt the love they feel for me. But every other feeling I have?? Yes, I do! I doubt them, I question them, I even berate myself for feeling them. I’m a work in progress (piece of work, more like it) and trying to be more open helps me process, learn, and grow. I hope so anyway, otherwise I’m mostly just an asshole.
I’ve never really thought about this before, but it hits the nail on the head. Every emotion I have is turned up to eleven and when all the feelings leave? I definitely feel that nothingness with every fiber of my being.
Oh so funny! Also, it’s not funny at all! I don’t want to feel all of the things. It’s so exhausting – feeling everything, big and small, all of the time. On top of the plethora of [stupid, dumb, insignificant, sensitive] feelings, I take on other people’s feelings too. If I love you, I feel for you, with you. If someone I love is upset with me, even if I’m upset with said person, I will still be upset with myself right along WITH/FOR them. It’s a whole clusterfuck of feelings.
Well… I’m actually not sure I believe that. Showing my emotions feels weaker than weak, but maybe if I power through, I’ll be stronger in the end. Sir encourages me to be 100% honest, He says it’s the only way. Since He’s the Bossman, I try to obey this line of thinking.
But this? I know this to be a fact, proven time after time in my 39 years, and it cannot happen ever again. I am only for Sir to own and control. Nothing else will have that power.
So I will speak the words that are difficult, the words that are scary, the words that are revealing. I will let the feelings out, because time is too short to filter everything I think.
Be brave! Happy Monday. Happy Solstice. Happy first day of Summer!