My submission is very personal.
It is something I always am, but I do not make it readily available to anyone but Sir. We’ve been doing this 24/7 thing for a while now, and like anything in life, I fear it could become so commonplace as to be taken for granted. That hasn’t happened here, but I always actively try to keep such things at bay.
I firmly believe in questioning what you know, in playing devil’s advocate, in consistently trying to learn and grow. So my whole life, I will take a topic… let’s say love… and I really try to get to the bottom of it: What is love? How does love behave? How should love react? What does love feel like? When is it confusion, not love? Where are the lines that love is bound by? How can I express love? How can I be love?
Sure the answers change, shift, and evolve, but would I even realize if I didn’t regularly ask?! I can’t say for sure, but I know this sort of thinking keeps me on my toes and makes love something I am actively doing. Love, for me, is a verb. I want no less than that.
So it stands to reason that I ask similar questions about my submission and D/s structure. I haven’t been asking these questions for nearly as long (four years, give or take), and it can become some seriously spiraled thinking. Sometimes the answers form so slowly, I nearly die of impatience. Other times, I think I have it figured out, but become convinced that I’m doing all of this wrong! So I ponder, and worry, and fret until I have a set of parameters that I can operate safely within. That is, until we push limits and adjust lines… or Sir says, oh no, this is how we will do it… and the questioning starts all over again. It can be daunting, but I think this is a good way for me to operate – Sir and I have been together 19 1/2 years, so something is working!
(That was the longest intro, just to get to a silly list!)
Today is one of those days that I am questioning my ability to do/be/understand anything. Since I should absolutely not document all the ways I’m feeling subpar (love, friendship, family, D/s, motherhood), I’m going to lift this day up, and make a simple submission list – what submission is to me. Single, simple words. If any expanding is needed, let me know. 🙂
Hallelujah! It is Friday! Happy weekend, y’all! Enjoy the fireworks and the heat (around here, anyway)!