thinking [life] thursday

getthefuckup

Life is hard.
Life is really fucking hard.

Marriage is hard.
Parenting is hard.
Work is hard.
Money is hard.
Communication is hard.
Silence is hard.
Chores are hard.
Friendship is hard.
Feelings are super fucking hard.
Letting go is hard.
Letting IN is hard.
Change is hard.
Status Quo is hard.
Love is hard.
Caring is hard.
Trying is hard.
Giving up is hard.
D/s is hard.
Disagreements are hard.
Wanting is hard.
Houses are hard.
Sleeping is hard.
Smiling is hard.
Crying is hard.
Thinking is hard.
Uncertainty is hard.
Realization is hard.
Growing is hard.
All of it is hard.
Life is so fucking hard.

Sometimes.

I know life is full of lovely things, full of wonderful things, full of beautiful moments, full of laughter, full of love, full of all the warm and fuzzies. I know first hand how awesome life is and I am beyond grateful for it. Truly, I am. Knowing that beauty doesn’t exempt me from knowing the flipside of that truth, though…

Life is hard.

Happy Thursday.
~shygirl

 

 

 

 

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turnaround

I’ve done more than one post about the little things, but it always bears repeating. With all of my heart, I believe the little things are the ones that make or break. When the big things become too heavy and overwhelming, it’s easy for me to get lost in them…and that affects my entire being. Most of the time, it’s something unexpected that lifts me up…
I was sitting out front, soaking in the sunshine, trying to enjoy the kittens’ adorable frolicking, but my mind was elsewhere. One of those busy brain moments, jumping from thought to thought, problem to issue to worry to problem – I felt so out of sorts, on the verge of tears. Instead of enjoying a quiet moment, I felt trapped by the silence. 

Sir pulled up from work, got out of His truck and walked toward me. He was filthy, sweaty, and looked rather tired. As usual, I was so fucking happy to see Him, but tears were threatening and my greeting was less than enthusiastic. I sat there on the sidewalk, looking up at Him, feeling all of my shitty day attack me all at once. I know how hard He works to maintain His business and I don’t like to burden Him the moment He gets home, so I focused on the kittens, trying to get my shit together. After a quick moment, Sir caught my eye and simply said “What can I do?”

I was… surprised… He had just gotten home, exhausted and dirty, and He asked what He could do for me! Just like that, my spirits lifted and my attitude shifted. I was reminded how incredibly lucky I am to have been with this human for 19 (and a half) years. This man, my Husband, my Dom, my best friend – puts me before everything else, before Himself. Always. He is ridiculously kind to me. He takes care of me. He cherishes me. I feel it in the smallest of things. To know someone values me this much… Puts me first… brings me to my knees. I don’t quite understand it and I know I am wholly undeserving, but oh my God, am I thankful! Everything in my life could crumble and burn, and I’d still be the luckiest girl because Sir fucking has me. No matter what life throws at us, or the trouble I cause, He has me.

My biggest hope is that Sir feels this kind of love from me, that I am able to convey that level of devotion. I worry that I’m a little too inside myself, a little too frightened, to let those things shine through. But I want Him to feel the way He makes me feel. Loved, cared for, safe, needed, wanted. I want Him to know He matters, that His happiness is my priority. I want Him to take comfort in me. I want to be the kind of person whose actions reflect love, above all else.

It’s the little things, y’all. A little question, a little smile, a little help can make the biggest impact. 

(it’s also the little things that destroy, so be careful with all that power)

~shygirl