memento

Taunting me from up above

Filled with things that once were love.

Willing my arms to rip it wide open

Sort it all out, leave what is broken.

Frozen and scared, I shake my head no

My mind going places I don’t want to go.

And so those things stay hidden away

Saving that sorrow for some other day.

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10 thoughts on “memento

    • It’s a complicated sort of thing, mostly healed, but maybe going through the physical things will set me back some. I don’t know. My Sir says I can wait until I’m ready, but maybe it’s better left boxed up. Maybe it’s better to just continue on with the sort-of-fresh start? Obviously, I don’t know!! πŸ˜‚

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      • I think, for me, healing happens in layers…shedding the protective covers one at a time as I understand them (see why I needed it, feel the pain and hurt fully, forgive, accept that it’s part of my story and heal the shame involved as well) and no longer need them. But, again, for me, those old hurts and knee jerks will always sneak up, or may for a long while to come. Except, I know them now. I see them for what they are. And that makes it easier to embrace it, and then let it go. That many times means sinking into it and feeling it, because it’s a new layer to shed, and that processing sucks in the now, but I am able to be a better version of myself after. Well, at least that’s what I hope.

        I’m only sharing this to relate, and I hope that is the way it comes off. I would never ever tell another person how to do anything, nor would I ever want to seem like I have all the answers. I’m just a chic on a journey, sharing of myself along the way. πŸ’œ

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      • Oh Kay, thank you for sharing! That is SUCH a good view and method. Sometimes I think getting over and letting go means never feeling the ugly again, so when the memories sneak up, I feel like a failure for not being able to control the hurt I suddenly feel all over again. And then in the name of growth, I push it down, literally and figuratively box it away, and try to move on with a clean slate. But it just isn’t clean, no matter how I pretend. So maybe I need to unpack and lean into the feelings – maybe if I lean hard enough they’ll fall away. This is something I’ve been putting off for months! Thinking I could compartmentalize the unpleasant and focus on the renewed. In a way, that’s good, but it’s only half the story! I think I need to jump in and start reprocessing this from where I am now, as shitty as it may be.
        I’ve probably gone off on a tangent, but you really have me thinking! Many, many thanks. β€πŸ’™

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  1. I think maybe there’s no getting over anything, but there’s also no failure….there’s only owning our stories. That means understanding hurts purpose and letting go of that toxic shame we have that arises when we expect unrealistic things of ourselves! Asking ourselves why the hurt resurfaces? What do I need to heal? And doing that. Asking for help with that. Without shame. No boxes. All of it out in the open, until that which we no longer need falls away. Self love will always be my biggest hurdle.

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