fresh start Friday: My life, with a little balance

I speak often of my shortcomings and struggles because it helps me work through them.  I try to speak just as often about my triumphs and happiness, but it is much easier to write about the things that are wrong.  I’ve always been like that – anytime I’ve kept a journal, it reads like a giant gripe-fest.  When I’m happy and settled, I just don’t have much to say.  That isn’t fair to me, or to my Sir, or to anyone that happens to read my rambling tales.

I’m feeling good this morning.  My Sir read yesterday’s post about communication and had very succinct and helpful feedback.  As always.  He makes me feel cherished and safe, even while I think I am falling apart on the inside.  We are truly a wolf pack, together till the end… and we’ve got this. No matter what jumps in our way, we’ve got this!!


On to the balance:

I’m not great at making New Year’s resolutions – one year, my resolution was to order something online every week because getting packages makes me happy!  I’m not even joking – I wrote that down and was very proud I came up with it!  Ha!  This year, though, I didn’t really make a “resolution”, but more of a pact with my Sir.  We are going to have good Karma and I am going to put positive thoughts into the air.  There are some big things we are trying to do this year and normally I would be very anxious, worried and probably a bit negative.  That approach has never worked so my Sir has forbidden it altogether!  It can be difficult at times to think positively, but as soon as I catch myself beginning to worry about logistics and all that could go wrong, I quickly think “GOOD _________ KARMA”.  Elle wrote about her good parking Karma and that really hit home for me (and my Husband).  I don’t much care about the parking, but I say that phrase multiple times per day with a few other words to fill in the blank.  I do not care how crazy you think it sounds, IT WORKS!  Put good things into the universe and you will receive good things.  Negative begets negative.  So simple, and so easy to forget.  Try it out, let me know if it works for you.  2014 is the year of positivity!  Why?  Because my Sir said so.  It’s a beautiful new world!!




2013: It’s been real

I have had three really pivotal years.  These are not the years my children were born, though those were life-altering and wonderful, for sure.  These are not the years of big moves or weddings or jobs.  These are the years that changed the fabric of my being, the years that shaped and molded my soul.

1990.  Certainly not my favorite, but a life-changer for sure.

1997.  The year I made my wisest decision, despite obstacles left and right.

2013.   A game-changing, world-upending, dream-fulfilling year.

You read that right, 2013 shaped up to be an impact year of the highest caliber…and it isn’t quite finished!  No denying it, this year was filled with turmoil.  Outwardly, I probably looked the same to most people, but I started the year in quiet despair.  I was coming to terms with who I was and who I wasn’t.  I was trying to figure out if what I thought, what I knew, myself to be was a viable option for my Husband.  I debated and fought with myself… do I pursue, do I drop the act, or do I try to bury myself again.  Turns out, burying what is already dug up doesn’t exactly work.  With no other option, I came clean.

In 2013,  I cried rivers of tears  – some silent and solitary, some loud and over-the-top.  I cried more this year than ever before, I think.  Becoming who you really are is hard work and, at times, very ugly.

In 2013, I battled my self-esteem, my fear, my doubt, my shy… I haven’t quite won the war, but I will continue to fight.

In 2013, my Husband became my Sir, my Dominant.  That He was willing to offer that of Himself, and take me on in that manner, has proven far beyond my wildest dreams.  He is Sir not only in the bedroom, but in LIFE, and I am perpetually smitten and amazed with Him.

In 2013, I have tried to communicate better.  It is probably the single hardest thing for me to do, but well worth the struggle.

In 2013, relationships around me have crashed and burned while Sir and I have gotten stronger.  I also let some friendships and associations fall by the wayside because I just don’t have the time or energy for toxicity in my life – but it made for some lonely times.

In 2013, I made some friends (okay, they are online, but I’m fairly certain they are TRUE) that understand and support.  That is what friends are supposed to do, I think, and I hope to be that sort of friend, too.

In 2013, there were trials, tests, frustration, loss, anger, self-doubt, but there was much more understanding, love, happiness, PEACE, acceptance and growth.

In 2013, I was able to quiet my mind.  Those moments have been brief, but they are there for the first time in my 36 years. That is HUGE.

2013 will go down in history as a monumental year for my relationship with my Husband.  D/s has affected absolutely every aspect of our lives and we (and the family)are so much better for it.  (Sir, you would agree, I’m sure??)

I am confident that 2014 will be fantastic around here – with happiness, love, and laughter, how could it not? … never mind all of the delicious, kinky fuckery to be had!

Here’s to a very Happy New Year!!