thinking [break things] thursday

We broke another implement the other night. I’m not sure why this keeps happening, but my goodness, we have broken so many things – spoons, boards, yard sticks, crops, loopy things, brushes…

It’s pretty amusing, but I’m beginning to wonder…

Is Sir far too unrelenting in His swing? (No way!)

Or am I too much of a hard-ass?  (Hahahaha!)

All jokes aside, today would be a good day to break all the things! Wink, nudge, pretty please.

Happiest of Thursdays! (Only because it’s almost coffee time)

~shygirl

Advertisements

thinking [advice: flow] thursday

There is this situation that I cannot quite wrap my mind around. I have tried various approaches, but nothing seems to make any difference. Neither honesty nor directness, not jokes or hints, neither questions nor conversation, not silence or blocking. Nothing! I cannot tell which way is up, right or left. It has been driving me crazy and the other day, I felt like I’d exhausted all of my options, so I decided to lay it all at Sir’s feet. He had been kept up to date, generally, but the specifics I held onto. Sometimes, I just really like to handle things myself, in my time, you know? I am almost positive Sir is fine with this, because He knows when it becomes too much, I will always go to Him. I went to Him (in writing) and laid it all out. Everything: Everything I was thinking and feeling. Everything I’d tried and said. Absolutely everything pertaining to the situation – big, small, happy, ugly. I told Him, I just don’t know what to do and was hoping He had a fresh perspective or advice.

Well, of course He did! Everytime I go to Him like this, I always wish I had asked sooner. Not because He necessarily has the answers (though many times He does) or because He magically fixes everything in my world, but because He makes me remember that I am not alone. Ever. For anything. He is so kind and optimistic – when my hope falters He always lifts it back up. However, when need be, He brings me back to reality.

This time, His reply was lengthy and overflowing with comfort, friendship and understanding, but He also insisted on some of those painful, hard truths. The insight He offered wasn’t shocking, but it was full of sad words that I needed (not wanted!) to hear in order to move forward in this topsy-turvy situation. I don’t want to share His words, but the pictures give the gist.

Advice, part one. (Pinterest)

Advice, part two. (Pinterest)

Ahhhhhh…

D/s is so much more than sex and protocol. It runs in our veins and saturates every cell in our bodies. Never have I felt the level of trust and understanding that I feel now, with Sir, my Husband. The hardest things to say and hear are the things that most desperately need to be let out… that is trust. That is love. That is D/s.

Happy Thursday.

~shygirl

feeling feelings

image

This is true much of the time, with a few exceptions. I do not doubt the love I feel for my little tribe, I do not doubt the love they feel for me. But every other feeling I have?? Yes, I do! I doubt them, I question them, I even berate myself for feeling them. I’m a work in progress (piece of work, more like it) and trying to be more open helps me process, learn, and grow. I hope so anyway, otherwise I’m mostly just an asshole.

image

I’ve never really thought about this before, but it hits the nail on the head. Every emotion I have is turned up to eleven and when all the feelings leave? I definitely feel that nothingness with every fiber of my being.

image

Oh so funny! Also, it’s not funny at all! I don’t want to feel all of the things. It’s so exhausting – feeling everything, big and small, all of the time. On top of the plethora of [stupid, dumb, insignificant, sensitive] feelings, I take on other people’s feelings too. If I love you, I feel for you, with you. If someone I love is upset with me, even if I’m upset with said person, I will still be upset with myself right along WITH/FOR them. It’s a whole clusterfuck of feelings.

image

Well… I’m actually not sure I believe that. Showing my emotions feels weaker than weak, but maybe if I power through, I’ll be stronger in the end. Sir encourages me to be 100% honest, He says it’s the only way. Since He’s the Bossman, I try to obey this line of thinking.

image

But this? I know this to be a fact, proven time after time in my 39 years, and it cannot happen ever again. I am only for Sir to own and control. Nothing else will have that power.

So I will speak the words that are difficult, the words that are scary, the words that are revealing. I will let the feelings out, because time is too short to filter everything I think.

image

image

image

image

Be brave! Happy Monday. Happy Solstice. Happy first day of Summer!
~shygirl