almost is not enough

I am almost there. 
I am still almost there.  Every single time I get to the point where I feel it, my brain thinks “yes, this is happening” and then it is out the window.  The experience is still fantastic and great and all of those things, but it isn’t there.

Maybe I take that back, I’m fairly certain it happened in the shower last week, but with so much water anyway, I refuse to count it. 

So I’m stuck at almost there and I’m really hung up on it.  I know, I should enjoy the ride (believe me, I enjoy every ride and every single type of orgasm I have) but I feel a little jilted.  I feel a little bit broken.  I feel like I am disappointing my Sir (He, of course, would say that is crazy!).  He is doing everything right, my brain just takes me out of it.  At this point, I’m trying to let it go and not even worry about it.  So what, I haven’t squirted?!  I have a ridiculous amount of orgasms, I should be content. But nooooooo, that isn’t good enough… because I am almost there.  I feel it. I want it. And still…I deny it. 

I don’t want to be almost there forever.

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