new year, new…

Me? No, probably not.

The moment I dare to think I will have the time or the words to jump back into my blog, life knocks me down and then it’s all I can to do manage the minimal day to day.

That’s okay, life is okay, Sir and I are okay, and all will continue to be okay. Day by day. Just keep fucking swimming.

But I’m not here to fuss or to vent or to moan about things that aren’t quite right. Not today.

Today I’m here to say Happy New Year! I am here to say that laughter through the tears is the way to go! Mostly, I’m here to ruminate on my little Etsy shop. Not to plug it, or to convince you to purchase something (but feel free, we make it all with love and pain in mind). I just want to remind you that little things are, in fact, the biggest things.

My shop is small. We sell heavy duty spreader bars, burned spoons, loopy pain devices, and recently added enamel pins which are an unexpected hit. We don’t sell a lot, but it has picked up slightly. Usually the uptick comes when we need it most and I just feel so thankful – like a higher power is looking out. Yeah, my god totally supports my BDSM shop. Praise be. 😉

My favorite part about running this little side-hustle isn’t the small boost to income, it’s the connection of it all. The open and frank conversations with likeminded individuals. No pretense. No embarrassment. Questions. Answers. Discussions. About sensation or strength, Dominant & submissive gifts, custom words.

Recently I’ve had two gift orders wherein I’ve handwritten the dictated message. I love it! I love getting a glimpse into the lives of others on similar paths, or very different ones. I love being a voyeur. I love getting to be a part of these dirty little gifts that are also sent with so much love. It’s really life-affirming for me, which I know sounds a little extra, but it is. The small moments remind of the validity of our choices and preferences. Our needs may not be the norm, but we aren’t the only ones. I need that because sometimes, even after all these years, I start to worry that I’m not ‘right’ or that this dynamic is just a manifestation of my fucked-up-ness. I’m not good at friends, and sometimes that gets lonely and very isolating. But having this meager shop (and this blog when I utilize it) gives me a sense of community, belonging, and understanding that I’d otherwise not have.

In the new year, I hope to rekindle my affair with this blog and to invest more time and research (ha!) into new things for my shop. Hold me accountable! Send me a message asking what’s up! Even if you don’t want to buy, follow my shop, follow my blog, let’s chat!

And if any of you have ever purchased, thank you from the depths of my black heart and just know that I secretly consider you party of my kinky, dirty family.

Much love & laughter to all!

Happy weekend!

shygirl

Advertisements

two songs, on a tuesday

This song is gorgeous, and it gets me in the feels.

Aftermath by Muse

War is all around
I’m growing tired of fighting
I’ve been drained
And I can’t hide it
But I have strength for you
You’re all that’s real anymore
I am coming home now
I need your comfort

From this moment
From this moment
You will never be alone
We’re bound together
Now and forever
The loneliness has gone

States are crumbling
Walls are rising high again
It’s no place for the faint-hearted
But my heart is strong
Because now I know where I belong
It’s you and I against the world
We are free

From this moment
From this moment
You will never be alone
We’re bound together
Now and forever
The loneliness has gone
We’ve gone against the tide
All we have is each other now
I’m coming home now
I need your comfort

From this moment
From this moment
You will never be alone
We’re bound together
Now and forever
The loneliness has gone

We’re bound together
Now and forever
Loneliness has gone

And this song, well it gets me in COMPLETELY different feels… 😉

Bedroom Hymns by Florence + The Machine

This is as good a place to fall as any
We’ll build our alter here
Make me your Maria
I’m already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath
And I caught him in mine
Sweating our confessions
The undone and the divine

‘Cause this is his body
This is his love
Such selfish prayers
And I can’t get enough

Oh, woah, woah, oh
Oh, whoa, whoa, yeah

Spilled milk tears,
I did this for you
Spilling over the idol
The black and the blue

The sweetest submission
Drinking it in
The wine, the women, the bedroom hymns

‘Cause this is his body
This is his love
Such selfish prayers and I can’t get enough

Oh, woah, woah, oh
Whoa, whoa, yeah
I can’t get enough

I’m not here looking for absolution
Because I found myself an old solution
I’m not here looking for absolution
Because I found myself an old solution

This is his body
This is his love
Such selfish prayers, I can’t get enough

This is his body
This is his love
Such selfish prayers, I can’t get enough
Whoa, whoa, yeah
I can’t get enough
Whoa, whoa, yeah
I can’t get enough
Whoa, whoa, yeah

 

Music always says it better! Enjoy!!
~shygirl

out with the old, in with the…?

image

2015 answered questions I never wanted to ask.

2015 kind of felt like an eternity, but it flew by just the same.

2015 was a learning year.

2015 was a year of mostly unpleasant change. (We’ve talked about how well I deal with change)

2015 held little sleep and many tears.

2015 was fraught with worry.

2015 was an exercise in becoming less.

2015 was heavy.

2015 can fuck right on off.

Oh okay. The entire year wasn’t horrible! 😉 There were some great things that happened. There was love and laughter and comfort. There was a fantastic new house. There was family and food. There was a lot of play. There was Sir. Sir was always there and Sir brought me through. Thank God for Him and thank God 2015 is done.

image

Hey guys, it’s a new year!! So many things are still lingering, up in the air, swept under the rug, and I hate that. It’s neither nice nor fair, but here I am just the same. It’s going to be okay. One way or another, this year will be good!!

I will devote my time and energy to those that matter.

I will open my eyes to the myth of “too busy”, because there is always time for  what’s important.

I will continue to sink deeper in my submission.

I will actively love.

I will be humble.

I will work on being a better person.

I will try so hard to rise above.

image

This song seems to have become my anthem, my prayer, my musical lifeline. (This whole album is fantastic, actually.)

Enjoy! Happy New Year!
~shygirl

Mother

[Refrain:]
Oh Lord, won’t you leave me
Leave me on my knees?
Cause I belong to the ground now
And it belongs to thee
And oh Lord, won’t you leave me
Leave me just like this?
Cause I belong to the ground now
I want no more than this

How I long for the autumn
The sun keeps burning deep
Every stone in this city keeps reminding me
Can you protect me from what I want?
The love I let in, it left me so lost

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
Mother, make me
Make me a big grey cloud
So I can rain on you things I can’t say out loud

All these couples are kissing
And I can’t stand the heat
I lost my shoes and left the party
I wander in the street

I put my feet into the fountain
The statues’ all asleep
No use wishing on the water
It grants you no relief

Mother, make me
Make me a bird of prey
So I can rise above this, let it fall away
Mother, make me
Make me a song so sweet
Heaven trembles, fallen at our feet

[Refrain x2]