The days filled with flirting expectation and unabashed want.
What is the best feeling in the world?
For real, I am asking. I was awake most of the night pondering this question, but that’s a whole other thing. So, the absolute best feeling that you have ever felt in your entire life – what was it?
Was it something so simple as that first sip of coffee in the morning?
Maybe how you feel after a hard workout?
Would you say the best you’ve ever felt was from an illicit drug?
Your wedding day?
The birth of a child?
Praise? Attention? Recognition?
Sinking into a bathtub?
What the fuck is the best feeling in the world?
I’ve done all of those things – the coffee, the workout, the drugs, the wedding, the birth three times over, the accolades, the completing, the sex, the bath – and so much more.
They all have their merits, big or small. All can bring joy and feel amazing, but the best?
An easy answer would be bringing life into the world because it is so everything – BUT just for a second, lets take childbirth out of the equation. Now what is the best feeling?
I really do want to know.
For me the best feeling is…
Giving up not just my body, but my mind, my heart, my very self.
A beautiful trip to subspace.
The moments when I am replaced with so much Dominance and Love that I cease to exist on this plane. I become transported to a different dimension where my brain is quiet (no easy feat). The place where anxiety and fear don’t exist – because there just is no more room inside.
Wholly shattered yet complete.
There is no better high to chase.
Not for me.
… and that is how I know that I am submissive to the core.
But I wonder if that is how other submissives feel? Or Dominants, on the flipside?
If anyone is still around reading this, I’d LOVE for you to weigh-in.
Me? No, probably not.
The moment I dare to think I will have the time or the words to jump back into my blog, life knocks me down and then it’s all I can to do manage the minimal day to day.
That’s okay, life is okay, Sir and I are okay, and all will continue to be okay. Day by day. Just keep fucking swimming.
But I’m not here to fuss or to vent or to moan about things that aren’t quite right. Not today.
Today I’m here to say Happy New Year! I am here to say that laughter through the tears is the way to go! Mostly, I’m here to ruminate on my little Etsy shop. Not to plug it, or to convince you to purchase something (but feel free, we make it all with love and pain in mind). I just want to remind you that little things are, in fact, the biggest things.
My shop is small. We sell heavy duty spreader bars, burned spoons, loopy pain devices, and recently added enamel pins which are an unexpected hit. We don’t sell a lot, but it has picked up slightly. Usually the uptick comes when we need it most and I just feel so thankful – like a higher power is looking out. Yeah, my god totally supports my BDSM shop. Praise be. 😉
My favorite part about running this little side-hustle isn’t the small boost to income, it’s the connection of it all. The open and frank conversations with likeminded individuals. No pretense. No embarrassment. Questions. Answers. Discussions. About sensation or strength, Dominant & submissive gifts, custom words.
Recently I’ve had two gift orders wherein I’ve handwritten the dictated message. I love it! I love getting a glimpse into the lives of others on similar paths, or very different ones. I love being a voyeur. I love getting to be a part of these dirty little gifts that are also sent with so much love. It’s really life-affirming for me, which I know sounds a little extra, but it is. The small moments remind of the validity of our choices and preferences. Our needs may not be the norm, but we aren’t the only ones. I need that because sometimes, even after all these years, I start to worry that I’m not ‘right’ or that this dynamic is just a manifestation of my fucked-up-ness. I’m not good at friends, and sometimes that gets lonely and very isolating. But having this meager shop (and this blog when I utilize it) gives me a sense of community, belonging, and understanding that I’d otherwise not have.
In the new year, I hope to rekindle my affair with this blog and to invest more time and research (ha!) into new things for my shop. Hold me accountable! Send me a message asking what’s up! Even if you don’t want to buy, follow my shop, follow my blog, let’s chat!
And if any of you have ever purchased, thank you from the depths of my black heart and just know that I secretly consider you party of my kinky, dirty family.
Much love & laughter to all!