out with the old, in with the…?


2015 answered questions I never wanted to ask.

2015 kind of felt like an eternity, but it flew by just the same.

2015 was a learning year.

2015 was a year of mostly unpleasant change. (We’ve talked about how well I deal with change)

2015 held little sleep and many tears.

2015 was fraught with worry.

2015 was an exercise in becoming less.

2015 was heavy.

2015 can fuck right on off.

Oh okay. The entire year wasn’t horrible! 😉 There were some great things that happened. There was love and laughter and comfort. There was a fantastic new house. There was family and food. There was a lot of play. There was Sir. Sir was always there and Sir brought me through. Thank God for Him and thank God 2015 is done.


Hey guys, it’s a new year!! So many things are still lingering, up in the air, swept under the rug, and I hate that. It’s neither nice nor fair, but here I am just the same. It’s going to be okay. One way or another, this year will be good!!

I will devote my time and energy to those that matter.

I will open my eyes to the myth of “too busy”, because there is always time for  what’s important.

I will continue to sink deeper in my submission.

I will actively love.

I will be humble.

I will work on being a better person.

I will try so hard to rise above.


This song seems to have become my anthem, my prayer, my musical lifeline. (This whole album is fantastic, actually.)

Enjoy! Happy New Year!


Oh Lord, won’t you leave me
Leave me on my knees?
Cause I belong to the ground now
And it belongs to thee
And oh Lord, won’t you leave me
Leave me just like this?
Cause I belong to the ground now
I want no more than this

How I long for the autumn
The sun keeps burning deep
Every stone in this city keeps reminding me
Can you protect me from what I want?
The love I let in, it left me so lost

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
Mother, make me
Make me a big grey cloud
So I can rain on you things I can’t say out loud

All these couples are kissing
And I can’t stand the heat
I lost my shoes and left the party
I wander in the street

I put my feet into the fountain
The statues’ all asleep
No use wishing on the water
It grants you no relief

Mother, make me
Make me a bird of prey
So I can rise above this, let it fall away
Mother, make me
Make me a song so sweet
Heaven trembles, fallen at our feet

[Refrain x2]


thinking [take it away] thursday

Sir and I have a lot of things...
Many small rituals, many things that Sir does to help me and my brain.


I love them all…
The rope while I’m working
The demands to kneel in public
The pictures He requests
The sitting on the floor
The nightly hair brushing
The words I write on my body
The cuffs and collar (even on date night!)
The necklace
The ring
The bracelet
The tasks
The choking
The beatings
The “little light”
The “Su-B”
The removal of panties in the middle of the store
The play
The rules
All the millions of other things that are outward expressions of our relationship.


But if you took it all away?
If all of those things were suddenly gone?
What would we have then?

I would still have a Dominant.
He would still have a submissive.
We would still have a deeply rooted, 24/7 D/s relationship.

Why? Because…
D/s is not about the “things”.
It’s not about the tasks, or the sex, or all of the lovely reminders.
D/s is who we are. As people. As a couple.
D/s is not something that can be taken away.
It will not fade into oblivion because, just as we actively tend to our marriage, we tend to our D/s dynamic.
Oh, perhaps some of the things will fall by the wayside… they’ll most certainly evolve and change… That is life and that is okay.

But holy crap, I love all of it!!! Let’s be real…
I love everything Sir does for me, with me, TO me.
And yes, sometimes I get a little pouty if I think there is something I’m missing. I am a needy girl, after all.
But when it really comes down to it, I know in my heart that the only thing I need is Sir, not the things.

I am submissive to Him, in all things, in all ways, for the rest of my days.

That is 24/7. That is D/s. That is marriage.
That is love.

Happy Thursday.

a little bit of nothing


[The past few weeks, months, have been so full of things. Good things, bad things, scary things, fun things, gut-wrenching things, feeling-overload things. I have written probably ten posts, scrapped at least ten more, and have more snippets of posts than I care to admit. It would seem I have too much to say, yet nothing at all.
I’m dipping my toe with the following, in the hopes of plunging head first very shortly.]

(Title escapes me)

Monumental at best
Run of the mill
Emotions sky high
Nothing to feel

Words could help
Bite the tongue
Biggest of big
Only in fun

Distance confines
Good to be free
Head overwhelmed
Not much to me

Building the walls
Never did drop
Protecting the heart
Already stopped.