thinking [solid] thursday

I’ve done many a post about how our D/s dynamic is a lifestyle/not a game/24-7/etc. I have felt strongly in each one and believed, whole-heartedly, every single word I typed on the subject. I’ve also mentioned multiple times that I worry about anything and everything! So, it may stand to reason that I was a little concerned about having surgery and being down for a little while… would it interrupt this dynamic? would we revert to what our life was like a few years ago? would we be able to get back on track if that happened?

favoriteplace

Once again, I worried for nothing! There has not been one single moment where the dynamic wasn’t felt. He is still the boss. He has been [mostly] wonderful taking care of me and putting up with my whiney days and my sleepless nights. He has stood near and witnessed my morning meltdowns, complete with sobbing and questions and nausea. He has consoled me. He has reassured me. He has lifted my spirits. He has loved me. He has also been firm in his directions, steadfast in sending me tasks, unequivocal in his expectations. He has made me feel desirable on even my lowest days. He has given me what I need, He has allowed me a few missteps, He has kept my head in the right place (as much as he could, that’s always an uphill battle).

I’m a week out from the new boobs. I didn’t think I’d be feeling like this, truth be told, and I am quite over it. I am still hurting, I walk like an old lady, I am swollen all around, my boobs are lopsided, I can’t sleep… blah blah blah. I’m told (repeatedly, by my Sir and by my Little Bird) all of the bad will fade and I’ll be left with boobs that I can touch and not be embarrassed of. I will be glad when that day comes, but this week I’ve learned something far more valuable than boobs of any kind… I can never, ever again doubt that this lifestyle is here to stay. We’ve got this on lock, and that, my friends, is worth everything!

having it all

Happy Thursday!
~shygirl

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thinking of Him

Panic! at the Disco:
The End of All Things

Whether near or far
I am always yours
Any change in time
We are young again

Lay us down
We’re in love

In these coming years
Many things will change
But the way I feel
Will remain the same

Lay us down
We’re in love

shygirl

Thinking [15] Thursday

Today is our 15th wedding anniversary. 

My Husband and I have been a legal couple for 15 years.  This day had no particular meaning to us, it just worked out in our schedules well enough.  When we got married, our firstborn was nine months old…and she had her first ever cold.  The ceremony was at my parents’ old house, with very few people there.  Nothing fancy.  My dress cost less than $50 and our cake was from the local grocery market. The whole gathering took an hour and a half at most.  It was simple and, though it wasn’t what I wanted, it was lovely. 

Thinking back, it would have been fine not to have any guests.  I realize they are family, but they just don’t have a role in our marriage.  The whole wedding was fought for.  Since we already had a child, everyone just thought we should not do ANY sort of ceremony.  But, I pushed and they conceded ever so slightly.  I was 21 on my wedding day, my Husband was 23. (Yep, I sure did just do that math in my head)  There were naysayers coming out of the woodworks.  I don’t think there was a single person that thought we could do it, that thought we could last, not really.  Of course, our family hoped we’d be fine but they had no faith.  That is fine, because we had enough faith for everyone.  I had known a few years prior that He and I were going to be something.  It took two years for the timing to work out, but then there was a “everything gets quiet” moment when He walked in and a voice told me “This is it … It’s now or never”.  I chose now. Since that moment, we have been together. 

So, now we have been married 15 years.  It has not been all long walks and flowers.  These years have been work.  Hard work.  The best work.  We have become new people many times and we have had to learn to compromise like nobody’s business. Frankly, I think my Husband got the short end of the stick with me.  He is such a great a man and I can be SO much work and SO needy.  I could never, in all of my life, repay the kindness that He shows to me.  sigh.

Of course you all know that we’ve flipped the script this past year and my Husband has also become my Sir.  Honestly, the best decision we have ever made.  I am so very thankful that He was open and willing… and is totally at ease with our new roles. 

You are also aware of my many ups and downs in this dynamic and my (our?) communication shortfalls, but you don’t get to hear His side.  He thinks each and every one of my downswings is a learning experience meant to move us deeper into our roles.  He is such a positive person, I’m trying to keep up with that!! 

Anyway, I’m just saying that we have been married 15 years and it’s kind of a big deal.  =)  I am such a lucky girl and I am truly living the dream.