not the crazy

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I don’t eat fortune cookies, though I do love the fortunes! I tore this one as I pulled it out, and was rather pleased with what it said.

Feeling triumphant and more than a little justified… I held it up for Sir to read, with a smug smile on my face.

“Seeeeeeeeeeee….” I said, so happy that the fortune cookie gods were on my page! (Sometimes a girl takes any validation she can get.)

Sir shook His head (hmpf!) and chuckled…

“Intuition, yes. Not the crazy stuff you make up in your head.”

I laughed. The kids laughed. It was pretty funny! It was also a little deflating, I must say. You see… I am a huge believer in gut instincts. There were a few major times in my younger life when I ignored those instincts and it turned out so badly. I learned my lesson the hardest of ways!!

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And so it goes that ever since they were little, I have hammered into the children to take heed… If a little voice or a nagging feeling says something isn’t right, please listen your intuition!! So I fully believe in, support, and applaud intuition.

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But… Sir is also correct. Sort of. In my brain, there is non-stop thinking and worrying, dissecting and over-analyzing. I admit that on occasion (oh stop laughing!), I am consumed with it all. The worst case scenario is usually my sleep stealer or my dream invader. I linger on words and on silence, blowing them up bigger than life.

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So what then? What do I do? I try to balance the intuition with the runaway brain. It’s not always easy…or even possible… but I do try.

And I still wholeheartedly believe in the ability to…

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If anyone has thoughts on this, lay ’em on me!
Happy Monday…at least it’s winding down.
~shygirl

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thinking [dichotomy] thursday

What a feat…
To feel cherished yet ravished.
To feel completely taken care of yet totally used.
To feel like His most important thing yet only His toy.
To feel like everything yet nothing at all. To feel safe yet pushed to the edge.
To feel capabale yet with no control.
To feel exalted yet debased.
To feel protected yet thrown to the wolf.
To feel strong yet extremely vulnerable.
To feel free yet oh-so-tethered.
To feel loved.
To feel owned.
To feel wanted.
To feel home.

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Happy Thursday!
Here’s to feelings that don’t suck!

~shygirl

fresh start Friday: My life, with a little balance

I speak often of my shortcomings and struggles because it helps me work through them.  I try to speak just as often about my triumphs and happiness, but it is much easier to write about the things that are wrong.  I’ve always been like that – anytime I’ve kept a journal, it reads like a giant gripe-fest.  When I’m happy and settled, I just don’t have much to say.  That isn’t fair to me, or to my Sir, or to anyone that happens to read my rambling tales.

I’m feeling good this morning.  My Sir read yesterday’s post about communication and had very succinct and helpful feedback.  As always.  He makes me feel cherished and safe, even while I think I am falling apart on the inside.  We are truly a wolf pack, together till the end… and we’ve got this. No matter what jumps in our way, we’ve got this!!

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On to the balance:

I’m not great at making New Year’s resolutions – one year, my resolution was to order something online every week because getting packages makes me happy!  I’m not even joking – I wrote that down and was very proud I came up with it!  Ha!  This year, though, I didn’t really make a “resolution”, but more of a pact with my Sir.  We are going to have good Karma and I am going to put positive thoughts into the air.  There are some big things we are trying to do this year and normally I would be very anxious, worried and probably a bit negative.  That approach has never worked so my Sir has forbidden it altogether!  It can be difficult at times to think positively, but as soon as I catch myself beginning to worry about logistics and all that could go wrong, I quickly think “GOOD _________ KARMA”.  Elle wrote about her good parking Karma and that really hit home for me (and my Husband).  I don’t much care about the parking, but I say that phrase multiple times per day with a few other words to fill in the blank.  I do not care how crazy you think it sounds, IT WORKS!  Put good things into the universe and you will receive good things.  Negative begets negative.  So simple, and so easy to forget.  Try it out, let me know if it works for you.  2014 is the year of positivity!  Why?  Because my Sir said so.  It’s a beautiful new world!!

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~shygirl