just a little rant…

Every time I think… Oh I’ll write something about D/s or fucking or the lovely new paddle I burned for Sir… Some bullshit gets in the way.

Today it is my offspring.
More specifically, a few bad choices by one of my children.
Choices that may impact her for a while to come.

I’m pissed off and frustrated.
I have no friend to talk to anymore.
Oh I had lunch with a friend today, but I wouldn’t talk about this sort of thing with her.
I need a friend with an open mind, that will not judge me or my daughter.
Sir and I have discussed this, but on few occasions, there is nothing like a mother to commiserate with.
Sir is a lot of things, including a great father, but a mother he is not.
I need a mom friend.
One that’s not judge-y.
One that can understand when I say I want to beat my child’s ass, or that I want to run away from being a mom – that I’m just venting, and wouldn’t do those things.
A friend that can give me frank opinions and help me brainstorm ideas.
One that can be pissed off right along with me, but still recognize that my child is a lovely person despite some stupid actions.
A friend that understands the tears of a mother.
Does anyone like that even exist, I wonder?!

This is total crap.
I am so glad it is Friday, though.

Juicier posts coming soon…




I don’t want to choose the lightbulbs.


Oh sure, I am capable of choosing lightbulbs. If lightbulbs were on my shopping list, or my task list from Sir, I’d choose some mighty fine bulbs and be happy to do it. But when Sir and I are in the aisle together, I just have no desire to choose a bulb.

In fact, if we are in that aisle together, I do not even want to offer input about the selection of lightbulbs.

Now, if I needed a specific bulb for something He knew nothing about, I’d be tickled pink to provide the required information. No problem! If, however, the bulbs are for something I have no involvement in? Well… frankly, kind Sir, I don’t give a damn.

Oh I know that’s different – there were years upon years where I did give a damn about EVERY little thing. I needed to have the final say about everything. That was pretty good cover, I admit. No one ever guessed that what I needed most was a shifting of power.  And now… Hallelujah! The power has shifted. Despite my endless struggles and contrary behavior, Sir and I are moving together in a way we never have. He is the leader and I am the overjoyed follower. Happy sighs all around.


Where was I? Oh yes, I don’t want to choose the lightbulbs! I also do not want to choose the parking space, the route, the restaurant, the movie, the drink, the itinerary, or really much of anything else… I like not making those decisions. I feel loved and cared for when my Sir simply takes the choices away.

No need to fret, I still function just fine when He is working. I make all manner of decisions with [mostly] free reign to do so. I’m pretty great at managing daily life.  But when we are together…

I don’t want to choose the lightbulbs.


No worries…

Sir said no worrying, no stressing

But there are lists a mile long

Filled with things that are far beyond reality.

My heart hurts – I don’t want to disappoint.

My head is pounding – too much going on in there. 

I hate to disobey.

I will stomp the all-consuming fire in my soul,

The fire that feeds the stress, anxiety and worry.

I will throw water on those devilish flames

and stoke the flames of submission instead.

This is my prayer today..

that I may fuel the proper fire and let the rest go.