I walked into the parent-teacher conference, feeling a bit nervous because I’m not a big fan of talking to people, but I held my head up and put on my nice game face. The teacher saw me, smiled a big smile, tilted her head and exclaimed…
“Oh my gosh, you are so beautiful!”
Ummm…huh? I had spent that day with 10 two-year-olds, subbing at my old job – I was tired and just done! So of course I responded in true shygirl fashion. I frowned, smiled tentatively, shook my head slightly, and said “thank you”. I didn’t mean that thank you, of course. You cannot really mean a thank you if you don’t believe the compliment.
What I wanted to say was more along the lines of
“Are you kidding me right now? Do you need to put glasses on?” and I always, always want to point out a flaw, or seven. I held my tongue.
I used to point out flaws all the time, now I try to be mindful and I only do it sometimes.
“I love your hair” “Oh thanks, the roots are horrible.”
“You are so thin, you look great” “Haha, thanks, these jeans must hide my thighs.”
You get the picture. My Sir has always gotten the worst of it. I’m glad He finds me attractive, no doubt about that, but I [still] struggle to see why. His compliments are usually met with disbelief and a self-deprecating joke. He does not appreciate this, so I am supposed to work on it. I am supposed to hear a compliment and just TAKE it. Like years of this ingrained behavior and these thought processes are easy to turn off! I get it, though. No one likes a jerk and maybe my responses come off a bit jerk-esque, on occasion.
So…thanks to my loving Sir, and our D/s dynamic, I am working on just saying thank you, and trying to feel good about whatever compliment has been thrown my way. Obviously, I’m not there yet…I still throw in that smirk or head shake. Trying to change my thinking is very difficult…but I want to!
How do you all handle compliments? Any ideas on how to be more accepting of them? Or better yet, can one of you fix my brain? 😉