Thinking [time] Thursday

Wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, collar, lube, wand, plug, crop, hands, mouth, dick… or what I like to call Wednesday night.

Let me back up.  This past weekend sucked.  I was in a funk of funks.  I felt forgotten, I felt no dominance, I felt confused.  I was just very lost.  I tried to talk to Sir.  Well, actually, I emailed Him and He was responsive, but I just was not feeling it.  I was trapped.

Sunday I wrote. For close to an hour, I sat in my closet, three doors and two locks between me and everyone else, and I wrote – To my Sir, to the universe, to my soul.  I waited until Monday morning to give Him the letter that wasn’t much of a letter.

He read it and left for work.  Oh sure, He kissed me good-bye and that whole bit, but not a single word regarding my spewing of words and emotion!  I was a little bit sad, a little bit angry, and very much confused.  I texted Him.  His words brought me out of my funk.  More than that, His words made me see that I was not being a productive part of our D/s circle.  My behavior had essentially caused Him to shut down, thus making me sink further.  I had forgotten that He needs to be reassured sometimes.  I had forgotten that I need to show my submissiveness in everything I do and say.  Sir said that doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything He says, or not have an opinion, but it most definitely means that I need to show respect at all times and not pop off with immediate no’s and arguments.  He is right ,and when I read His words, something in my brain clicked.  I’m sure I should have had that click well before now – my mouth is always getting me into trouble – but I’ll take a click whenever it comes.  The week was off to a much better start, even though Sir was a bit sick.  He finally felt better yesterday, which leads me back to the beginning…

Wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, collar, lube, wand, plug, crop, hands, mouth, dick…

I stepped out of the bathroom, ready for bed and prepared to take the spankings I had earned.  I was feeling a bit devious playful and I tried to hurry and get under the covers so Sir couldn’t grab me, but He was not in the bed.  He lunged at me, we laughed, He bent me over the side of the bed.  I hear the drawer open and He put my wrist cuffs and collar on then clipped my hands behind my head to my collar.  Ankle cuffs came next.  He got the crop, I tried so hard to count but after six I just couldn’t!  Sir kept making me come back to earth… these are punishment, He said, and I needed to feel each one.  No matter, I’m off and dripping and I suppose He got to the 49 I’d earned.  The last few smacks were with His big, warm hand and by that point, I was trying to wiggle and get a little friction going with the bed, His dick, His leg, ANYTHING! He lubes me up and puts the plug in my ass (as an aside: this is the first time Sir has used the plug ON me, until now it has been me doing it under His command while He is out working.  I was pretty excited about this!).  Plug was in, Sir rammed in soon enough and I’m just an O machine, one rolling into the next.  Sir brought out the wand.  Lord.  So much, too much, not enough, more, less… I couldn’t have a coherent thought if you’d threatened me with a painful death.  Sir unclipped me, flipped me over and continued to have His way… which is also my way.  He eventually came, I came who knows how many times, and I slept the sleep of the dead.  I woke up today happy and horny.  Yes, horny… sex makes me horny… I will be sated for a very short time and then I just want more.  Poor Sir…

This post may be rambling and maybe it doesn’t flow very well.  That’s fine by me…my life is pretty rambling and doesn’t flow very well, but it works for us.  Time keeps moving and you just have to make sense of what you can and hold onto those moments that make everything brighter.  Time changes many things – a week can make ALL the difference.  And a year?!  A year can change your whole world.




The first good girl

I’m not sure I can take much more. The crop delivers so many different sensations but all I can feel right now is fire.

I’m not sure I like it or is it that I like it more than I should? Either way, I hope it stops because too much good and too much bad are suddenly the same thing. Just too much.

“Good girl.”

The first time I’ve heard that phrase leave His lips… and it brings me out of the swirling abyss of ‘too much’. Though the swats continue, I know that I can take them. I want to take as much as He can give.

I want to be His good girl. I want Him to feel what His words, His actions do to me.  I hope that He knows those words push me further. I am desperate to please Him. I am consumed with the ache to be His.

“Good girl.”

Two simple words should not have such an impact, but they cut through all of my doubt and I know…

I am His and He is mine.