disparate

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I’m standing here and I know I look the same.
My hair, my makeup, my clothes, they are all the same.
The words out of my mouth probably sound the same.
The big feelings I have absolutely feel the same.

So I’m standing here, looking the same, feeling the same, being the same… but I’m not really.
Can the change be seen in my eyes?
Can it be heard in the pause before speaking?
Does my uncertainty shine through?
Does my paralyzing fear reveal itself in awkward sentences?
Are echoes of my feet walking on eggshells heard across time?
Will this dissipate too?
Will the abundance of caution fade the way that tears do?
Will wariness make way for comfort?
Will time settle this for me?
How is it possible to be the same but also totally different?!

I’ve learned some things.
Hopefully I’m a better person.
I want to be the kind of person that brings the sunshine, that radiates hope, that expects the best things out of life.
I want to be solid and sure.
I want to better this time around.

But for now, I’m standing here – the very same girl, but different, changed… disparate.

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Happy Tuesday!
~shygirl

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