the 5th

Sir is on His 5th brush.

Every night, I sit on the floor in the corner of the couch’s L. This couch is higher, so I perch my bottom precariously on two stacked pillows.
Sir stretches out on the chaise end.

Hand me my brush.

(Notice, He does not say ‘the’ brush. Nor does He say ‘your’ brush. He says ‘my’ brush. Such a silly little sentence, but one that makes me warm and fuzzy each time.)

I hand Him His brush and the dance begins. He will sometimes begin right away, other times He waits a few minutes. No matter, once He starts I am on cloud nine. He brushes my hair, scalp to ends so very gently at first. I am not tender-headed in the least, so gentle to me is probably torture to many. When tangles are discovered, He works them out. Once He is sure all the tangles are gone, He ups the pressure. Assaulting my head with a whirlwind of sensation. He brushes, tugs my hair, noodles my scalp. This newest brush has copper bristles that don’t bend or give at all! Sometimes I yelp when He bonks my skull, but that doesn’t deter Him. He perseveres (and usually bonks it some more, for good measure).

When He’s finished brushing, He will gather my hair in His fist and hold it taut in a ponytail, pulling my hair so hair I have to struggle to keep my head up. After a few minutes of the give and take, He will loosen slightly so my neck has full motion again, and He begins massaging the ever-present knots in my shoulders and back. This ritual goes on for a very long time. Thirty minutes? An hour? I’m not sure, but so long that I start to think He should stop, His hands must be killing Him! Sometimes I get thoughts in my head that say I’m not worth this attention, I do not deserve Him. He quiets those thoughts the moment I speak them.

So there we sit, locked in a subtle display of our power dynamic – Him above, anchoring me with hands and love and strength; me below, simply belonging to Him, giving over all that I am.
When I become tired, or He is ready, I flip to my knees, belly up and ask if I may get His water for bed. If I don’t ask properly, I must redo it until I get it right. Sometimes, I play. Shhhh… don’t tell… but sometimes I ask a little wrong, a little silly, because my second favorite thing to do with Sir is laugh. ūüėČ

Sooner or later, I get up to get our water and it is then that brushes get broken. (I didn’t forget what this post was about!) He will tell me to bend over, or grab me, or simply take a swing as I walk away. Using the brush as a paddle, He brings the pain the same way He brought the pleasure. That’s how I like it – pain and pleasure intertwined, indiscernible. But brushes weren’t built for that, you know!

And so it goes that Sir is on brush number five.

ūüôā
~shygirl

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thinking [take it away] thursday

Sir and I have a lot of things...
Many small rituals, many things that Sir does to help me and my brain.

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I love them all…
The rope while I’m working
The demands to kneel in public
The pictures He requests
The sitting on the floor
The nightly hair brushing
The words I write on my body
The cuffs and collar (even on date night!)
The necklace
The ring
The bracelet
The tasks
The choking
The beatings
The “little light”
The “Su-B”
The removal of panties in the middle of the store
The play
The rules
All the millions of other things that are outward expressions of our relationship.

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But if you took it all away?
If all of those things were suddenly gone?
What would we have then?

Hmmmmmm…
I would still have a Dominant.
He would still have a submissive.
We would still have a deeply rooted, 24/7 D/s relationship.

Why? Because…
D/s is not about the “things”.
It’s not about the tasks, or the sex, or all of the lovely reminders.
D/s is who we are. As people. As a couple.
D/s is not something that can be taken away.
It will not fade into oblivion because, just as we actively tend to our marriage, we tend to our D/s dynamic.
Oh, perhaps some of the things will fall by the wayside… they’ll most certainly evolve and change… That is life and that is okay.

But holy crap, I love all of it!!! Let’s be real…
I love everything Sir does for me, with me, TO me.
And yes, sometimes I get a little pouty if I think there is something I’m missing. I am a needy girl, after all.
But when it really comes down to it, I know in my heart that the only thing I need is Sir, not the things.

I am submissive to Him, in all things, in all ways, for the rest of my days.

That is 24/7. That is D/s. That is marriage.
That is love.

Happy Thursday.
~shygirl

17 off the top…

Sir and I have been together 18.5 years, since I was 19. (No need to do that math!) We had a child before we got hitched and have been married 17 years come November. We’ve had a long, happy marriage…¬† of course with many ups and downs. In the beginning, there were a lot of downs – I think that’s probably normal as people learn how to become part of a team.

Three years ago, we decided to reorganize the workings of our lives and it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. Transitioning into a full-time D/s dynamic has unleashed and enhanced¬†the people we’ve always been, allowing us to live more fully in our truths.

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I couldn’t be happier about that but still I wonder why?! What makes someone a good Dom? Well I certainly couldn’t say in the general sense! So then, what makes my Husband such a damn good Dom for me?
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I think… it’s time for a LIST!!!! (yeah, I’m excited, I thought this was going to be a regular post) Before I get started on the list, please understand that I am fully aware D/s is highly individualized to each person, couple. What works for me, for Us, may not work for you! Sometimes, though, it’s nice to get a glimpse of how other relationships function, whether to draw a bit of inspiration from, or to just to be able to say “oh HELL NO!, I’ll have none of that.” ūüėČ

Without further ado…
Why my Husband/Sir makes such a good Dom:

1. He puts me first, in all things.

Now, I’m not saying I demand things and He delivers. Oh NO! Those things do not happen! What I am saying is… every decision He makes, He really considers whether it is good for me. He wants me to be happy, content, and comfortable. And it shows. For small examples, He gives me the best piece of meat. He lets me play games on the GOOD television, while He plays on the low, awkwardly angled one. He makes my eggs the way I like, even though it takes longer. He watches my silly shows while brushing my hair, after working hard all day. Little things, big things, He puts my needs and wants before His own. I do the same for Him, too!

2. He is honest.

He tells me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not. While He is always on
my side, He doesn’t always take my side. If He feels I have made a mistake in some area, or behaving inappropriately (towards Him or others), He lets me know. With kindness, always, but the hard truths are there.

3. He co-parents with me.

Yes, Sir is the BOSS. Yes, He can absolutely overrule any decision I make. However, when it comes to our three children, we truly co-parent. We love our children, but they are not priority number one in our lives. That might be hard for some people to take, but that’s just how it is. Our priority is our relationship. We cannot effectively parent our children if our relationship is second on the list. So, we are first, the children second. We discuss all big decisions regarding them… rules, punishments, sports, activities, school. All of it. If I’m being really honest, I might have a little more decision power with the children, simply because I am more in the day-to-day with them. Sir works hard, but I am IN it with the kids and He trusts my thoughts and ideas regarding the offspring.

4. He always gives me what I need.

Notice I said need, not want. Sometimes I 100% do not get what I want. Sometimes, I even get pretty pissed off that He seems to be ignoring what it is I’ve decided I¬†want. But Sir always has something brewing in that head of His. And he always, always, ALWAYS makes sure I am fed (mind, heart & soul) and that I have what I need.

4. He listens.

We are normal people with normal problems. We both get irritated and angry and sad and mad and disappointed. I’m pretty reactive. When I get those feelings, I want to get them out and talk them out. Many times, it’s not pretty and on occasion¬†I don’t choose the best, most respectful way to do that. Even when these things are happening, Sir listens to me. He hears me. He takes my views into account. Sometimes, I still have consequences for my behavior¬†but other times, Sir shoulders some of that responsibility.¬† Which leads right into…

5. He admits when He is wrong.

In my readings, I’ve come across some Doms that seem to think they are above making mistakes. If I’ve felt slighted or ignored, and Sir feels He indeed was slacking a bit, He apologizes. He never lays blame on being¬†too busy, or being overwhelmed with life. If He has misunderstood some word or action of mine and overreacted, He apologizes.

6. He is lighthearted and funny.

Some people picture stern and stoic when they think of the almighty Dom. Not me. My Sir is funny and witty, always joking. He doesn’t take life too seriously, thank goodness! However, there is NO mistaking when He is serious and means business.

7. He takes control.

Not only of me, but of Himself and his reactions and attitude. Not all of the time, Sir is still human, but the majority of the time. When He falters, He owns it (see #5).

8. He makes me feel wanted, even in my worst moments.

He looks at me like there is no one else. He hugs me like he wants to absorb me into Him. He tastes me like He cannot get enough. He fucks me like His life depends on it. I may see myself differently, the world may see me differently, but Sir thinks I am the bee’s knees.

9. He never lets me forget that I am His.

I’ve spoken of self-esteem and [not]letting go so many times on this blog, I’m sure you know I am a needy handful. Sir knows that, too, and He does everything He possibly can to keep me tethered – when He is here and, more importantly, when He is working. He sends me tasks, He asks for pictures, He has me write things, do things… all to help my mind stay at ease.

10. He has a plan.

Sir always has a plan! For His business, for life, for sexytime, for consequences. He is the man with the plan. His plans areHe has such a great, positive outlook and I am ever grateful.

11. He is strong.

My tree. My rock. My anchor. He is strong enough to throw me around. He is strong enough to leave all manner of bruises on my behind. He is strong enough to keep me in line. He is strong enough to support me. He is strong enough to lead me. He is strong enough to keep me safe, in all ways.

12. He is tender.

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He holds me when I cry. He pets my head. He brushes my hair. He tickles my back. He tries hard to empathize with me when my heart is hurting. He tells me the sweetest things. He calls me His little light. He recharges me when my battery depletes.

13. He wants to be with me.

Really! He does! Ask Him! When He isn’t working, He wants to hang with me. (And of course, I with Him!) We really enjoy each other’s company (good thing since we’ve promised our lives to each other) and Sir tells me all the time. Speaking of…

14. He is a good communicator.

Sir is not a chatty Cathy by any means, however… He openly talks about feelings, wants, needs, hopes, and dreams. And He forces me to talk, too, even when I’d rather keep it all in.

16. He knows me.

There is no one on the planet that knows me better than Sir. He knows what motivates me. He knows what scares me. He knows exactly what makes me tick. Sometimes, He knows things about me before I’ve even recognized them!

17. He loves me.

I am not a very trusting person, but when Sir says He loves me, I really know it’s true… I feel it in my bones, in my heart, in my dirty bits.

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That’s the list for now. I¬†probably could have just said He loves me and everything would fall succinctly¬†under that. Oh well… You got a list!!

Happy weekend! Lots of stressful things going on in my world lately, but under all that¬†mess,¬†I’m such a lucky girl!

Love you, Sir.
~shygirl