Valentine’s Gift

My blog has been quiet for a week, but I sure haven’t been!  This past week held conversations I never thought I would (or COULD) have with my Sir.  Secrets revealed, lines beyond blurred, hidden fantasies brought to light – I completely opened myself up.  Guess what?  My Sir didn’t run, he didn’t judge… HE DIDN’T EVEN BAT AN EYE!  Maybe I never was as good as keeping things under wraps as I thought I was.  I feel… lighter… somehow.  I have been giddy (and so damn frisky) all week!  So giddy, in fact, that I grew some lady balls and made my Sir a Valentine’s gift.

Would you like to know what I made?  Here’s a hint… tripod, camera, editing software, many hours scantily clad.  Yes, you guessed it… photos!  I worked really hard on them, liked them at first, hated them after looking at them for so long, sent them to friends to get an opinion… and decided I may as well give them to Him.  I’ll admit, I did hide my face while He looked at the album and there might have been a bit of nervous laughter and tears, but I did it.  He seemed to like the album very much.  Maybe next time, I will hand them over with a little more confidence.

I’m feeling a little brave, but not sure how long that’ll last.  Until I change my mind, this is me:
shygirl

Happy belated Valentine’s Day!!
I hope everyone’s week/weekend was as fantastic as mine – communication wins again!

If you want to get your own ball of fun rolling, this questionnaire is pretty entertaining to do with your partner!

~ [not so] shygirl

Advertisements

Thinking Thursday

It’s Thursday! Hallelujah!!  Almost time for the three day weekend. Kids went back to school on Monday and everything is in full chaotic swing.

I’ve been reading different viewpoints and thinking…

Is submission to my Husband a gift?
The short answer? No.

image

I know that won’t sit well with some (many?) people, so I will try to elaborate. First, a story!

image

When I was young, a friend gave me a hamster, as a gift. I was so excited! I showed my mom, named him Romeo and we headed up to the pet store. We purchased a cage, bedding, food, treats, a water bottle, and ball for him to roll around in. The bill was nearly $100! The gift ended up being very costly and, since Romeo was a living creature, a lot of maintenance was required (feeding, watering, playing, cage cleaning, etc). If I were forced to think of my submission as a gift, it would be one like that hamster – fun to play with, but requiring lots of time and effort and dirty work. But I hold firm…my submission, while welcomed and appreciated, is no gift.

You may say that giving someone else control is a gift, but is it really? From where I stand, having that control is a lot of work. The physical, mental and emotional costs seem very high.

Maybe you think giving Him total access to my body is a gift? Nope. He’s had that from the beginning, well before D/s was established between us. Our sex life has always been very active and quite twisty. I can’t gift something He’s already had for years!

What about the complete baring of my soul, the total excruciating honesty? Is that a gift? Ummmm, no! I live in this head of mine and if anything, that honesty and transparency is a crazy burden.

Servicing Him, doing things to please Him, surely those are gifts? I say nay! I feed off of pleasing Him (i am not just talking sexual here) and being able to please Him is simply just my [cherished] duty, as His wife and submissive.

So, then, is His dominance a gift to me? No. It feels like it much of the time, but it isn’t. He does what He does because it is what He needs. Lucky for me, what He needs to give, I need to receive and vice versa.

I cannot live my life wrapped in a bow, everyday saying ‘here I am, your gift’. A gift is given once. I’ve been His for 16+ years, I have no intention of regifting myself to Him (or anyone else).

image

Okay. My submission is not a gift, but what is it? It is me, I am my submission. I simply am submissive, it is no gift. I also have blue eyes – no one would venture to say they were a gift for my Sir. Our D/s dynamic is just us, but on a whole other level. A higher plane of thinking, of living, of being, if you will. My Husband and I chose each other long ago and finally we can just be.

image

Photos found on Google.

shygirl