thinking [back again] thursday

🎶🎶Guess who’s back, back again
shygirl’s back, tell a friend. 🎶🎶

Maybe don’t actually tell a friend – I’m thinking that flying this post right under the radar is probably a better choice.

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I took a break…from writing here, and reading. Two months from posting and a little less from reading. WP was beginning to cause me stress and hurt my feelings (don’t ask), so I thought I should step away.

Then I thought maybe I should just shut the blog down. I don’t have anything to say that anyone wants to hear. (poor shy, right?! Gag!) That’s why I’m logged on here right now, in fact. Instead of shutting it down, I’m writing. Sigh. (I’ve said it before, but… I’m a Gemini!)

I’ve actually been writing quite a bit, just in paper notebooks with pencils. Old school.  But! Because I know you are on the edge of your seat, waiting for an update (sarcasm!), I am going to share. You’ve probably already guessed…you’re getting a list! Here goes…

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1. Sir and I are good. That’s an understatement, because we are AWESOME. Not just as Dom/sub, but as Husband/wife, life partners, friends, humans, a team… We are fucking fantastic. Do we argue? Of course! Do I mess up about a billion times a week? Sometimes. But the thing about that is… We are still awesome. We still work everything out. We still care and love. Even when we are angry, we are still in love. Yes, we’ve been together 18 years, but we are very actively in love. That’s huge, I think.

2. The D/s dynamic is going strong. There are no breaks. It is what and who we are. I feel confident that neither one of us could ever return to the life we had before this. Sir is Dom, I am sub, forever, in every corner of our lives. D/s simply is.

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3. I still have a girlfriend. She is still too damn far away. She brings a light into my life that I would never want to give up. I visited her recently…our time together is not enough, ever. The leaving is hard. I’ve sworn to myself I’m not going to blog about her much, so as not to come off like a crazy stalker (hello, lopsided tales), but she is ever-present in my life, my heart.

4. Travel: I Hate it. As much as I love visiting, I equally miss my Sir. I thought it’d get easier with time. It does not. In fact, the missing him might have gotten worse this last time. I don’t know how to get over it. Reason #57733 for someone moving.

5. The kids? Kidding! You aren’t interested in my children, but they’re good, as far as offspring go. 😉

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6. Bedroom and closet activities (and shower, couch, etc)… the fucking… the kink… the spanks… the rope… No complaints from me (well sometimes, but ‘ouch’ and ‘I can’t take it’ are NOT safe words), no details either, but we’ve always been pretty spot-on with the activities!

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7. As for me…I’m still a mixed up girl. I try to be a better sub/wife/mother/friend/crafter/person every single day. My feelings are hard to handle, my esteem is shit, my brain takes me away to bottomless pits of worry. But I’m trying to be better, surely that counts for something. Some days, I do alright. Other days, I’m a total failure. That’s life, huh?!

I think that’s it – the very short list of updates. Did I miss anything? Any questions? Are you dying to hear about my children? 😉 Any random ol’ thing you just want to ask? Go right ahead… I need distracting right about now. Oh. No one? That’s alright, too.

Have a happy Thursday!!
~shygirl

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prelude to a trip

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Leaving is not my favorite thing.
The travelling is not the greatest, but I like the arriving well enough.
The final destination makes me very happy. This time around, it has been too long in between.
But the leaving? Oh it is HARD.

Getting ready to leave requires extensive work.
There are lists, on top of lists, on top of lists.
There is shopping to be done, schedules to be made, plans to get in order.

There are feelings that must dealt with, for months, weeks, days.
There is joy and excitement.
There is anxiety, fear, and some sadness.
There is self-esteem to be bolstered, walls to put up, walls to knock down.
There is worry. And doubt. And questions.

There is a lot of fucking to be done.
There are many spankings to be received.
There is an abundance of love to be shared.

There are kids’ feelings to soothe.
There are apologies to make.
There are many thanks to give.

There are words! Kind words, comforting words.
There are words of ownership, words of love.
There are very many dirty words.

There are expectations.
There is pressure.
There are nerves and doubts.
There are overwhelming feelings and underwhelming reflections.

There are lists. Did I already mention the lists?
Packing lists, revised packing lists, school lists, activity lists, work lists, more packing lists… so many lists!!!!!!

I know I am a baby. I also know this leaving business is HARD.
Leaving is the only choice available to me right now.
So I will suck it up and I will leave.
I will focus on the destination and look forward to the arrival.
I cannot wait to get there!!
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this cannot go on forever.

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~shygirl

Thinking [boob time] Thursday

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It’s been a long time coming, only a week in the works… I got new boobs today!

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I was determined that it’d be a simple, easy recovery from the get go. I may be shy, but I’m also pretty tough… with a high pain tolerance level.

No. Wrong. Looks like I’m a baby.

High hopes fell by the wayside almost immediately.I’m drugged up and in pain. I look like a Lego body under this big ol’ shirt (I don’t dare take a peek) and moving a pillow takes entirely too long. My chest has apparently been run over by a dump truck, and I think they put bricks in there instead of silicon.

Despite all that… I can’t wait to see my real boobs! Because as far as I’m concerned, my sad, deflated tits (thanks, kids!) were the fake ones.

I’m so very grateful to my Sir for making this happen for me and to my little bird for being by my side, despite this intolerable distance.

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Happy Thursday, folks! It’s time for my ten minute nap.

~ shygirl 💕