new year, new…

Me? No, probably not.

The moment I dare to think I will have the time or the words to jump back into my blog, life knocks me down and then it’s all I can to do manage the minimal day to day.

That’s okay, life is okay, Sir and I are okay, and all will continue to be okay. Day by day. Just keep fucking swimming.

But I’m not here to fuss or to vent or to moan about things that aren’t quite right. Not today.

Today I’m here to say Happy New Year! I am here to say that laughter through the tears is the way to go! Mostly, I’m here to ruminate on my little Etsy shop. Not to plug it, or to convince you to purchase something (but feel free, we make it all with love and pain in mind). I just want to remind you that little things are, in fact, the biggest things.

My shop is small. We sell heavy duty spreader bars, burned spoons, loopy pain devices, and recently added enamel pins which are an unexpected hit. We don’t sell a lot, but it has picked up slightly. Usually the uptick comes when we need it most and I just feel so thankful – like a higher power is looking out. Yeah, my god totally supports my BDSM shop. Praise be. ūüėČ

My favorite part about running this little side-hustle isn’t the small boost to income, it’s the connection of it all. The open and frank conversations with likeminded individuals. No pretense. No embarrassment. Questions. Answers. Discussions. About sensation or strength, Dominant & submissive gifts, custom words.

Recently I’ve had two gift orders wherein I’ve handwritten the dictated message. I love it! I love getting a glimpse into the lives of others on similar paths, or very different ones. I love being a voyeur. I love getting to be a part of these dirty little gifts that are also sent with so much love. It’s really life-affirming for me, which I know sounds a little extra, but it is. The small moments remind of the validity of our choices and preferences. Our needs may not be the norm, but we aren’t the only ones. I need that because sometimes, even after all these years, I start to worry that I’m not ‘right’ or that this dynamic is just a manifestation of my fucked-up-ness. I’m not good at friends, and sometimes that gets lonely and very isolating. But having this meager shop (and this blog when I utilize it) gives me a sense of community, belonging, and understanding that I’d otherwise not have.

In the new year, I hope to rekindle my affair with this blog and to invest more time and research (ha!) into new things for my shop. Hold me accountable! Send me a message asking what’s up! Even if you don’t want to buy, follow my shop, follow my blog, let’s chat!

And if any of you have ever purchased, thank you from the depths of my black heart and just know that I secretly consider you party of my kinky, dirty family.

Much love & laughter to all!

Happy weekend!

‚̧

shygirl

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Valentine’s Gift

My blog has been quiet for a week, but I sure haven’t been!¬† This past week held conversations I¬†never thought I would (or COULD) have with my Sir.¬† Secrets revealed, lines beyond blurred, hidden fantasies brought to light – I completely opened myself up.¬† Guess what?¬†¬†My Sir¬†didn’t run, he didn’t judge… HE DIDN’T EVEN BAT AN EYE!¬† Maybe I never was as good as keeping things under wraps as I thought I was.¬† I feel… lighter… somehow.¬†¬†I have¬†been giddy (and¬†so damn frisky)¬†all week!¬† So giddy, in fact, that I grew some lady balls and made my Sir a Valentine’s gift.

Would you¬†like to know what I made?¬† Here’s a hint… tripod, camera, editing software, many hours scantily clad.¬† Yes, you guessed it… photos!¬† I worked really hard on them, liked them at first, hated them after looking at them for so long, sent them to friends to get an opinion… and decided I may as well give them to Him.¬† I’ll admit, I did hide my face while He looked at the album and there might have been a bit of nervous laughter and tears, but I did it.¬† He seemed to like the album very much.¬† Maybe next time, I will hand them over with a little more confidence.

I’m feeling a little brave, but not sure how long that’ll last.¬† Until I change my mind, this is me:
shygirl

Happy belated Valentine’s Day!!
I hope everyone’s week/weekend was as fantastic as mine – communication wins again!

If you want to get your own ball of fun rolling, this questionnaire is pretty entertaining to do with your partner!

~ [not so] shygirl

those little things do so much

Millencolin is one of my favorite bands (top 10) ¬†and this song really resonates and gets stuck in my brain for days. You see, sometimes I feel like the smallest of¬†things make or break me.¬† When those small things¬†come around and trip¬†me up, I become not just frustrated, but devastated.¬†I know that sounds like a tad drama-queen-esque, but those¬†feelings can be overwhelming.¬† Don’t fret!¬† The flipside of that, of course, is that the tiniest things lift me up and make me soar.¬† I can find joy in the¬†most miniscule of things¬†and that is truly a blessing. I will take the good with bad, the annihilation with exaltation… because the good¬†always, always,¬†ALWAYS¬†outweighs the bad!¬† Have I mentioned that I’m a Gemini lately? – because that really explains a lot.¬† =)

This week is off to a great start!

~shygirl xoxoXXX

Millencolin : Shut You Out

Even the smallest thing could be enough for you
Still it was too hard for me to give
Even the smallest thing could break your heart in two
No wonder why it’s hard for you to live

Just like I turn you down, I always shut you out
No matter who I blame you’re not around
I cannot turn back time, I cannot change a thing
No matter what they say, I shut you out

Even the smallest thing can make your day complete
I’ve never seen a bigger smile than yours
Even the smallest thing can wipe you off your feet
When no ones catching you, you hit the floor

Just like I turn you down, I always shut you out
No matter who I blame you’re not around
I cannot turn back time, I cannot change a thing
No matter what they say, I shut you out

Shut you out, shut you out Shut you out, shut you out

Just like I turn you down, I always shut you out
No matter who I blame you’re not around
I cannot turn back time, I cannot change a thing
No matter what they say, I shut you out

Just like I turn you down, I always shut you out
No matter who I blame you’re not around
I cannot turn back time, I cannot change a thing
No matter what they say, I shut you out

Read more:  Millencolin РShut You Out Lyrics | MetroLyrics