… submission is …

My submission is very personal.
It is something I always am, but I do not make it readily available to anyone but Sir. We’ve been doing this 24/7 thing for a while now, and like anything in life, I fear it could become so commonplace as to be taken for granted. That hasn’t happened here, but I always actively try to keep such things at bay.

I firmly believe in questioning what you know, in playing devil’s advocate, in consistently trying to learn and grow. So my whole life, I will take a topic… let’s say love… and I really try to get to the bottom of it: What is love? How does love behave? How should love react? What does love feel like? When is it confusion, not love? Where are the lines that love is bound by? How can I express love? How can I be love?
Sure the answers change, shift, and evolve, but would I even realize if I didn’t regularly ask?! I can’t say for sure, but I know this sort of thinking keeps me on my toes and makes love something I am actively doing. Love, for me, is a verb. I want no less than that.

So it stands to reason that I ask similar questions about my submission and D/s structure. I haven’t been asking these questions for nearly as long (four years, give or take), and it can become some seriously spiraled thinking. Sometimes the answers form so slowly, I nearly die of impatience.  Other times, I think I have it figured out, but become convinced that I’m doing all of this wrong! So I ponder, and worry, and fret until I have a set of parameters that I can operate safely within. That is, until we push limits and adjust lines… or Sir says, oh no, this is how we will do it… and the questioning starts all over again. It can be daunting, but I think this is a good way for me to operate – Sir and I have been together 19 1/2 years, so something is working!

(That was the longest intro, just to get to a silly list!)

Today is one of those days that I am questioning my ability to do/be/understand anything. Since I should absolutely not document all the ways I’m feeling subpar (love, friendship, family, D/s, motherhood), I’m going to lift this day up, and make a simple submission list – what submission is to me. Single, simple words. If any expanding is needed, let me know. ūüôā

Submission is…
Love.
Trust.
Respect.
Safety.
Pain.
Hard.
All-encompassing.
Tearful.
Honest.
Exposed.
Playful.
Humble.
Understanding.
Compassion.
Connection.
Anticipation.
Mindful.
Overcoming.
Growth.
Happiness.
Contentment.
Resolution.
Words!
Truth.
Scary.
Selfless.
Sunshine.
Strength.
Work.
Consistent.
Vulnerable.
Fulfillment.
His will.
Everything.
Me.

Hallelujah! It is Friday! Happy weekend, y’all! Enjoy the fireworks and the heat (around here, anyway)!
~shygirl

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thinking [sleepy] thursday

I am tired.
Of things, yes, but I mean I am so stinking SLEEPY.
Not just today, for months.
For one reason, or seventy others, my coveted bedtime schedule has fallen by the wayside.
I am not a fan. You know what else isn’t a fan of these extended days? You don’t, but I’m here to tell you:

1. My eyes. They are tired of holding themselves up, and they puff up in protest! Not very nice of them, but I guess we all do what it takes to get by.

2. My head. My head hurts, seriously months of a headache. Allergies are the main cause, sure, but I’m certain sleep would help!

3. My brain. Well my brain is generally a heated mess (get that reference? PP2), but with inadequate sleep, my brain can’t even make a decent list! Or think the thoughts it needs to think which leads to…

4. My feelers. I always have a lot of feelings. I feel all of the things, all of the time. Then I obsess over the feelings and whether they are valid. Do they even matter?! I don’t know! I’m too tired to tell!

5. My business. Yeah, I said it. My girlie parts are tired too. I’m still getting the daily action from Sir, but I must say, there’s been a lot more snex than I’m used to. (Snex is the sleepy/snuggly hit it from spoon sex that was developed for tired people like me.) Sad face.

6. My family. Okay, you already know I can’t make a grocery list lately to save my life, therefore dinners are…well… sort of fend for yourself! I’m tired. And I only eat dinner so I can take a bath!

7. My Sir. Why? He’s fucking tired too! And He works all by Himself, for Himself, and what He does is physical. On top of that, He has to deal with me when I’m all tired and emotional and batshit crazy.

So really. No one is a fan of this schedule. I just want ONE day where we don’t have to stay up waiting on storms, waiting on children. I want to go to the bed at 8:45 and play…hoord… and then sleep until I wake up! No 5:40 alarm! No yapping offspring!

Sleep, people, I want sleep!
Until then…

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Happy Thursday!
~ shygirl

17 off the top…

Sir and I have been together 18.5 years, since I was 19. (No need to do that math!) We had a child before we got hitched and have been married 17 years come November. We’ve had a long, happy marriage…¬† of course with many ups and downs. In the beginning, there were a lot of downs – I think that’s probably normal as people learn how to become part of a team.

Three years ago, we decided to reorganize the workings of our lives and it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. Transitioning into a full-time D/s dynamic has unleashed and enhanced¬†the people we’ve always been, allowing us to live more fully in our truths.

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I couldn’t be happier about that but still I wonder why?! What makes someone a good Dom? Well I certainly couldn’t say in the general sense! So then, what makes my Husband such a damn good Dom for me?
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I think… it’s time for a LIST!!!! (yeah, I’m excited, I thought this was going to be a regular post) Before I get started on the list, please understand that I am fully aware D/s is highly individualized to each person, couple. What works for me, for Us, may not work for you! Sometimes, though, it’s nice to get a glimpse of how other relationships function, whether to draw a bit of inspiration from, or to just to be able to say “oh HELL NO!, I’ll have none of that.” ūüėČ

Without further ado…
Why my Husband/Sir makes such a good Dom:

1. He puts me first, in all things.

Now, I’m not saying I demand things and He delivers. Oh NO! Those things do not happen! What I am saying is… every decision He makes, He really considers whether it is good for me. He wants me to be happy, content, and comfortable. And it shows. For small examples, He gives me the best piece of meat. He lets me play games on the GOOD television, while He plays on the low, awkwardly angled one. He makes my eggs the way I like, even though it takes longer. He watches my silly shows while brushing my hair, after working hard all day. Little things, big things, He puts my needs and wants before His own. I do the same for Him, too!

2. He is honest.

He tells me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not. While He is always on
my side, He doesn’t always take my side. If He feels I have made a mistake in some area, or behaving inappropriately (towards Him or others), He lets me know. With kindness, always, but the hard truths are there.

3. He co-parents with me.

Yes, Sir is the BOSS. Yes, He can absolutely overrule any decision I make. However, when it comes to our three children, we truly co-parent. We love our children, but they are not priority number one in our lives. That might be hard for some people to take, but that’s just how it is. Our priority is our relationship. We cannot effectively parent our children if our relationship is second on the list. So, we are first, the children second. We discuss all big decisions regarding them… rules, punishments, sports, activities, school. All of it. If I’m being really honest, I might have a little more decision power with the children, simply because I am more in the day-to-day with them. Sir works hard, but I am IN it with the kids and He trusts my thoughts and ideas regarding the offspring.

4. He always gives me what I need.

Notice I said need, not want. Sometimes I 100% do not get what I want. Sometimes, I even get pretty pissed off that He seems to be ignoring what it is I’ve decided I¬†want. But Sir always has something brewing in that head of His. And he always, always, ALWAYS makes sure I am fed (mind, heart & soul) and that I have what I need.

4. He listens.

We are normal people with normal problems. We both get irritated and angry and sad and mad and disappointed. I’m pretty reactive. When I get those feelings, I want to get them out and talk them out. Many times, it’s not pretty and on occasion¬†I don’t choose the best, most respectful way to do that. Even when these things are happening, Sir listens to me. He hears me. He takes my views into account. Sometimes, I still have consequences for my behavior¬†but other times, Sir shoulders some of that responsibility.¬† Which leads right into…

5. He admits when He is wrong.

In my readings, I’ve come across some Doms that seem to think they are above making mistakes. If I’ve felt slighted or ignored, and Sir feels He indeed was slacking a bit, He apologizes. He never lays blame on being¬†too busy, or being overwhelmed with life. If He has misunderstood some word or action of mine and overreacted, He apologizes.

6. He is lighthearted and funny.

Some people picture stern and stoic when they think of the almighty Dom. Not me. My Sir is funny and witty, always joking. He doesn’t take life too seriously, thank goodness! However, there is NO mistaking when He is serious and means business.

7. He takes control.

Not only of me, but of Himself and his reactions and attitude. Not all of the time, Sir is still human, but the majority of the time. When He falters, He owns it (see #5).

8. He makes me feel wanted, even in my worst moments.

He looks at me like there is no one else. He hugs me like he wants to absorb me into Him. He tastes me like He cannot get enough. He fucks me like His life depends on it. I may see myself differently, the world may see me differently, but Sir thinks I am the bee’s knees.

9. He never lets me forget that I am His.

I’ve spoken of self-esteem and [not]letting go so many times on this blog, I’m sure you know I am a needy handful. Sir knows that, too, and He does everything He possibly can to keep me tethered – when He is here and, more importantly, when He is working. He sends me tasks, He asks for pictures, He has me write things, do things… all to help my mind stay at ease.

10. He has a plan.

Sir always has a plan! For His business, for life, for sexytime, for consequences. He is the man with the plan. His plans areHe has such a great, positive outlook and I am ever grateful.

11. He is strong.

My tree. My rock. My anchor. He is strong enough to throw me around. He is strong enough to leave all manner of bruises on my behind. He is strong enough to keep me in line. He is strong enough to support me. He is strong enough to lead me. He is strong enough to keep me safe, in all ways.

12. He is tender.

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He holds me when I cry. He pets my head. He brushes my hair. He tickles my back. He tries hard to empathize with me when my heart is hurting. He tells me the sweetest things. He calls me His little light. He recharges me when my battery depletes.

13. He wants to be with me.

Really! He does! Ask Him! When He isn’t working, He wants to hang with me. (And of course, I with Him!) We really enjoy each other’s company (good thing since we’ve promised our lives to each other) and Sir tells me all the time. Speaking of…

14. He is a good communicator.

Sir is not a chatty Cathy by any means, however… He openly talks about feelings, wants, needs, hopes, and dreams. And He forces me to talk, too, even when I’d rather keep it all in.

16. He knows me.

There is no one on the planet that knows me better than Sir. He knows what motivates me. He knows what scares me. He knows exactly what makes me tick. Sometimes, He knows things about me before I’ve even recognized them!

17. He loves me.

I am not a very trusting person, but when Sir says He loves me, I really know it’s true… I feel it in my bones, in my heart, in my dirty bits.

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That’s the list for now. I¬†probably could have just said He loves me and everything would fall succinctly¬†under that. Oh well… You got a list!!

Happy weekend! Lots of stressful things going on in my world lately, but under all that¬†mess,¬†I’m such a lucky girl!

Love you, Sir.
~shygirl