thinking [subtle] thursday

What a funny thing, when His Dominance overwhelms me in the most unexpected situations.

He doesn’t even know I’m watching:

Our new nephew is in His outstretched arms. The babe fits perfectly, head in Sir’s big, capable hands, body stretched on His forearms. Sir is talking to the baby, and babe calms watching Sir’s face.

Simple. Easy. A powerful scene, and so very sweet. The two so serene, lost in each other for a moment. As if Sir commands this child’s attention and will accept nothing less than peaceful contentment.

I watch from the side, feeling that same content but more…. Feeling owned, feeling extra subbie. His Dominance quietly radiates throughout the space. I don’t quite understand why this subtle interaction brings me to my figurative knees. But I do not dwell on it, I breathe and bask in the warm fuzzy feelings of a perfect moment.

Everything is clear.

I am so proud to be His (and thrilled that He is mine).

Happy Thursday💞

~shygirl

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turnaround

I’ve done more than one post about the little things, but it always bears repeating. With all of my heart, I believe the little things are the ones that make or break. When the big things become too heavy and overwhelming, it’s easy for me to get lost in them…and that affects my entire being. Most of the time, it’s something unexpected that lifts me up…
I was sitting out front, soaking in the sunshine, trying to enjoy the kittens’ adorable frolicking, but my mind was elsewhere. One of those busy brain moments, jumping from thought to thought, problem to issue to worry to problem – I felt so out of sorts, on the verge of tears. Instead of enjoying a quiet moment, I felt trapped by the silence. 

Sir pulled up from work, got out of His truck and walked toward me. He was filthy, sweaty, and looked rather tired. As usual, I was so fucking happy to see Him, but tears were threatening and my greeting was less than enthusiastic. I sat there on the sidewalk, looking up at Him, feeling all of my shitty day attack me all at once. I know how hard He works to maintain His business and I don’t like to burden Him the moment He gets home, so I focused on the kittens, trying to get my shit together. After a quick moment, Sir caught my eye and simply said “What can I do?”

I was… surprised… He had just gotten home, exhausted and dirty, and He asked what He could do for me! Just like that, my spirits lifted and my attitude shifted. I was reminded how incredibly lucky I am to have been with this human for 19 (and a half) years. This man, my Husband, my Dom, my best friend – puts me before everything else, before Himself. Always. He is ridiculously kind to me. He takes care of me. He cherishes me. I feel it in the smallest of things. To know someone values me this much… Puts me first… brings me to my knees. I don’t quite understand it and I know I am wholly undeserving, but oh my God, am I thankful! Everything in my life could crumble and burn, and I’d still be the luckiest girl because Sir fucking has me. No matter what life throws at us, or the trouble I cause, He has me.

My biggest hope is that Sir feels this kind of love from me, that I am able to convey that level of devotion. I worry that I’m a little too inside myself, a little too frightened, to let those things shine through. But I want Him to feel the way He makes me feel. Loved, cared for, safe, needed, wanted. I want Him to know He matters, that His happiness is my priority. I want Him to take comfort in me. I want to be the kind of person whose actions reflect love, above all else.

It’s the little things, y’all. A little question, a little smile, a little help can make the biggest impact. 

(it’s also the little things that destroy, so be careful with all that power)

~shygirl

thinking [ Hh ] thursday

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I have signed my name with a lowercase leading letter for as long as I can remember. Handwriting analysts would equate that with low self-esteem, and while I’m the first to admit that my esteem could be better, I don’t think that is the case here. No, this decades long habit is what I like to call … foreshadowing. Let me explain…

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From the very beginning of this blog, when I refer to my Sir, I always capitalize: The ‘s’ in Sir, the ‘h’ in Him, He, His, Husband. I know it’s a small thing, a silly little letter tweak, but the significance in my mind is great. No attention has ever been drawn to it – by readers, or by Sir – and that was just fine by me. I do it because… simply put, I like it. That capitalization reminds me, no matter the subject, that He is in charge. It is an outward, yet private, sign of respect that I’ve never discussed or explained… it just feels right with my soul. 

As it turns out, though, this little letter thing has not gone under the radar! My Sir has taken silent note of it since day one and recently informed me that He loves and appreciates it! He has even incorporated it into His writing to me (which, yes, I also noticed and never mentioned). ❤
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Oh I know: such an odd thing to post about – a capital letter! I certainly never expected any kudos, but it makes my heart happy to know that Sir recognizes even the smallest signs of my submission…and praises me for them.

He will forever be the Capital letter, and I am only too thrilled to be the lowercase.
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Happy Thursday!
~shygirl